lumpectony 4 days ago; feeling lost and alone

Options
quiggy
quiggy Member Posts: 315
edited December 2014 in Just Diagnosed

Had lumpectomy, now disfigured, depressed, scared and alone.  Will know cancer grade next week so this nightmare is far from over.

Loving husband and family but still feel alone.  I need to be strong but don't feel that way right now.

The only thing I'm positive about is how terrified I am.

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
«1

Comments

  • blondedoris
    blondedoris Member Posts: 197
    edited December 2014

    {hug}

    We're not there physically but we're all here with you. Your feelings sound completely normal and familiar; please be patient and kind with yourself. It does take time to adjust to the 'new normal' but it does happen.

    Is there a support group close to you that you can go to? It might help to meet other people and talk about how you're feeling if typing isn't quite doing it for you

    x

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • daisymom
    daisymom Member Posts: 3
    edited December 2014

    I had a lumpectomy and a lymph node removed 3 days ago, diagnosed on Nov 24th. The tumor was small. Waiting for report is hard, and I understand. I worry about the radiation to come. I am grateful for the speed and support of the medical team but it is a bit surreal. No family history of any cancer, no symptoms, could not even be felt. I have breast cancer? How did this happen?

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • goodprognosis
    goodprognosis Member Posts: 251
    edited December 2014

    Hi quiggy

    You should check out all the topics and forums here and you will find many that interest you.  Sorry you feel so alone.  Part of it is probably shock.  Believe me none of us can believe it when first diagnosed but you do get over the shock and just begin to deal with the issues as they arise.  As you've recently had your surgery, a good thread on here is 'anyone with a good lumpectomy please'

    We are all thinking about you and hoping for a good report.

     

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • keepthefaith
    keepthefaith Member Posts: 2,156
    edited December 2014

    quiggy, sorry you found yourself here. Really, you don't "need to be strong" right now. Try to just take one day at a time. I can tell you from my own experience, that it will continue to feel surreal for quite some time. You will have to go through the process to get to the other side. But, when you do, you will be okay. All of the emotions, fears, questions, etc are normal...(HUGS) Hang in there! If you are having a hard time with anxiety, ask your Dr for something to help.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • quiggy
    quiggy Member Posts: 315
    edited December 2014

    Thank you for the supporting messages.  I'm loving these forums and the sisterhood, just wish none of us were needing the forum.

     This journey is surreal and I'm certain I'm still in shock. So much so fast.  I'm a tough lady but humbled by the vulnerability of having BC.

    Cry often, not sure of my path (in spite of oodles of research), and wonder often...what if I stop and take no further treatment.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 6,197
    edited December 2014

    Hi Quiggy, I am sorry you are feeling so vulnerable, but it is normal, to feel this kind of shock. It is very early days for you and like everything, you can decide what you want to do, when you've had all the options explained to you. They don't call this a journey, for nothing!

    I wish you all the best, try to take it a step at a time and arm yourself with as much information as possible. Knowledge is power!

    This is a great place for support and information, as you've seen, the women here are so supportive and willing to share their experiences.

    Take it easy and let us know how you're getting on.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Rosiesride
    Rosiesride Member Posts: 513
    edited December 2014

    quiggy...it feels surreal for awhile...it's a rollercoaster and we are hit with everything so fast! I am posting a quote that I read a lot. I am coming up on my diagnosis date December 17.... A whole year later...Really?? Cancer?? I still can't really believe it all happened but I have learned to NOT let cancer deplete my joyful moments...kids, friends husband...it's too early for you to be brave!! I cried a lot the first 2 weeks...in the shower!!

    Also, at first, especially right after lumpectomy, boob looked super weird...even months later...pulled up...like the jokers smile on Batman...but mine settled down and it took a few months ...I had lymph nodes involved and needed chemo and radiation...all doable, just a long process. You may need to speak to your doc about anxiety.

    So sorry you need to be here, but you came to a good support forum! Rosie

    image

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • ml143333
    ml143333 Member Posts: 658
    edited December 2014

    Quiggy - I am sorry that you are here with us, but glad you found us and that you have had the surgery to have the nasty cancer removed.  Yep - everyone will tell you to be strong, but right now, you just need to get through each day the best you can.  Once you get the final pathology and nail down a treatment plan, it does get easier.

    For right now, do what you need to do to get through each day.  Remember that we are all here for you and are willing to give you the support you need.  Take time for you.  It is okay to not be strong every minute of the day, but you will get through this and come out the other side shining brightly!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • bobogirl
    bobogirl Member Posts: 2,777
    edited December 2014

    Quiggy, I leap to your side! I am here for you. We have all been there. This part is the hardest part. Soon you will have a plan in place.

    Two pieces of advice:

    1. Step away from Doctor Google! It's just going to make you crazy. You can google things later, but now is not a good time :)

    2. Consider better living through chemicals, at least for a while. I second the advice of the sisters on here with respect to help for anxiety. It's overwhelming to go through this (and to still be expected to function). You don't have to go to a special doctor. Talk to your breast surgeon, your oncologist, or your PCP.

    We have all been terrified. You are not alone. PM if you need anything. XXX

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • quiggy
    quiggy Member Posts: 315
    edited December 2014

    Thanks ladies.  Truly helpful to reach out to sisters in the same circumstance as me. 

    I'm afraid of anxiety meds but must admit that crying and not sleeping aren't helpful either.  Sort of a short rope to cling to. I'm in unfamiliar territory.

    I'm a planner so knowing what my plan is will help me.  Wednesday!!

    Meanwhile, talking with you all is comforting.  Thanks again. 


    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • jeanelle
    jeanelle Member Posts: 179
    edited December 2014

    quiggy, I was in the same place you are about 3 months ago. The first few weeks, I couldn't even bear to look at my breast. It seemed like everything was happening so quickly and the world was spinning out of control. I am definitely a planner. It is even my occupation. :) Once I had a plan in place and appointments all set up, I felt much better. Eventually I was able to look at my breast without cringing and crying. Now it seems somewhat normal to me even though it doesn't resemble the other breast at all at this point.

    The women here are wonderful. They all have been where you are and give great advice. This forum really helped me get through some difficult times.


    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Lisamarie6864
    Lisamarie6864 Member Posts: 24
    edited December 2014

    Hi Quiggy,

    Sorry for what your going through...definitely hardest part in beginning with all the waiting and not sure what to expect. You will feel so much better when you have your appt this week and some kind of plan. Day by day...it will get better. ((((Hugs))))

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • quiggy
    quiggy Member Posts: 315
    edited December 2014

    Thanks Janelle and Lisamarie. (And all of the amazing woman who've responded).

    I truly believe things will get better, even though that seems a lifetime away.  

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • DSW1976
    DSW1976 Member Posts: 118
    edited December 2014

    I have never posted yet feel the need to now. I was diagnosed this September the day after i turned 38. Idc stage 2 her 2 positive. Had double masectomy and 11 nodes removed 1 positive. I am going through chemo now and it just sucks all of it. When you are first getting diagnosed everything is going at high soeed no time to wrap your head around it. Then the aftermath. Its like dead silence as you sit alone in the silence of reality . One day to the next is never the same mad,sad,angry grateful for those who are still standing along side of you and pist at those who look and treat you as if you are dying and contageous. I'm as strong as it gets and hate the pitty party those around me are throwing at me. All I can say is get ready for the calm after the storm of diiagnosis its the silence that will bring out the demons in your fears. Sorry it may get better but I havent gotten that far and I am not long away from what you have only begun. I live life knowing someone always has it worse and it can always be worse so Im grateful for that. Hang in there.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • IamNancy
    IamNancy Member Posts: 1,158
    edited December 2014

    quiggy and daisymom,

    I know its a shock at first and emotions run high... but as you get more information from your doctor, and more support from these wonderful women on these boards you will grow stronger... you are not alone...

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • daisymom
    daisymom Member Posts: 3
    edited December 2014

    Thank you all for the comments. What a great forum to hear everyone's stories. It's a personal journey, but knowing others are with you and supportive is gratifying.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • 208sandy
    208sandy Member Posts: 2,610
    edited December 2014

    Please don't be afraid of anti-anxiety meds - I never took anything stronger than a tylenol for most of my 60-odd years but when hit with bc six years ago - those meds are what saw me through and still do on occasion - of course the women on this site have been my mainstay and my cancer centre has a wonderful social worker who has guided me through the darkness a few times - we're here when you need us!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • quiggy
    quiggy Member Posts: 315
    edited December 2014

    Thanks 208sandy 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Hopeful82014
    Hopeful82014 Member Posts: 3,480
    edited December 2014

    Quiggy - So sorry you're in this place. Every time I read a post from a freshly diagnosed/shocked woman it brings it all back; I don't think any of us every forget that feeling, nor how much the support of women on this board meant to us at a horrible time.

    There should be a support thread for women having surgery this month - even though you've already had surgery, go introduce yourself. You'll find that the support continues long after the surgery and is invaluable.

    Do get some ativan or something from your MD. I'd never taken anything like that prior to diagnosis but sometimes just having a quarter mg. can make all the difference in the world. I didn't sleep for 3 nights after my call back mammogram and I know it didn't do me any good. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't focus on work. Even now there are still nights when it's tough but I think we all find our ways to handle it. You will, too, but in the meantime, accept some help from your MD, from your compatriots on this board, and from any local support groups you can find or other friends/family members who have had cancer of any kind.

    Good luck, Quiggy, and hang in there. It will get better.


    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • quiggy
    quiggy Member Posts: 315
    edited December 2014

    Thank you Hopeful.  I did find Dec surgery board, very helpful. 

    All the advice, personal experiences, supportive input and sharing has been an incredible life line.

     I'm thankful for this forum and for all my BC sisters who support each other.

    My pathology came back today, my nodes were clear!  I see the onc next week for treatment plan.  I know I still have a long road ahead but I'm feeling hope for the first time in this journey.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • quiggy
    quiggy Member Posts: 315
    edited December 2014

    Thank you Nancy. 

    All the advice, personal experiences, supportive input and sharing has been an incredible life line.  It's easing the shock.

     I'm thankful for this forum and for all my BC sisters who support each other.

    My pathology came back today, my nodes were clear!  I see the onc next week for treatment plan.  I know I still have a long road ahead but I'm feeling hope for the first time in this journey.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • daisymom
    daisymom Member Posts: 3
    edited December 2014

    Quiggy, Great news! My nodes are clear too. Next step is radiation. I hope your treatment goes well. I would imagine you finally slept knowing it was a brighter path ahead.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • PoohBear-61
    PoohBear-61 Member Posts: 263
    edited December 2014


     Great news .....clear nodes!!!

    hugzzzz

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • MrsDarcy
    MrsDarcy Member Posts: 162
    edited December 2014

    Good morning Quiggy !

    I too had a lumpectomy in left breast (Oct '13). My breast is not the most lovely thing to look at - the scars aren't very pretty - and my nipple seems to gravitate towards the left instead of the middle. If anything, I now find funny things about these battle scars and different look of my breast .. when it's cold outside (or inside even) and the "pointer sisters" pop out, I always have one (left) that either stays asleep or points out to the left whereby the normal breast points straight out. Very lovely when trying on outfits for office Christmas party ;)

    I know that sometimes the scars do "hit" me .. it's only normal. But it is also my daily reminder that I am here .. right now .. and that, to me, is everything. Everyone else "knows" I beat cancer - I can actually "see" that I did :)

    Do NOT give up on further treatment .. it does get easier down the road once you have surpassed the big hurdles .. believe me. My father used to call me Marge Simpson after radiation because I wouldn't talk .. just grumble à la "Marge". LOL

    And congrats on the clear nodes :) !!!

    Have a beautiful day Quiggy !!!
    MD


    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • quiggy
    quiggy Member Posts: 315
    edited December 2014

    Thanks BC sisters.

    MrsDarcy...I hear you, my once beautiful breast is now much smaller and misshapen with an odd nipple tilt and when the steri-strips come off; the scars.

      Still hard for me to see without great sadness and anger.  But like you, it reminds me that I'm alive, maybe that's a good thing.

    Did radiation cause further malformation of your breast?

    I'm going back to work next week and worried about how to do a good job of hiding my Franken-boob.  And except for close family, I haven't seen anyone in social situations is freaking me out a little.  Gosh, this feels a little ungrateful of me but it's a lot to take in. 

     I still burst into tears throughout the day, sometimes when I'm in pain, or seeing a Victoria Secret commercial or petting my dog or....

    I'm sure the self-esteem and depression issues will resolve over time.  I just remind myself that it could be worse.  

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • quiggy
    quiggy Member Posts: 315
    edited December 2014

    Dais ymom, congratulations on your clear nodes!!!!  

    I thought I'd sleep at long last but nope.

    How about you?

    Do you know what/when happens next?

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sheila888
    sheila888 Member Posts: 25,634
    edited December 2014

    Hi quiggy Sending big hugs from East Coast

    I know the feelings you're experiencing

    You and I have a similar diagnosis...At the diagnosis i was 10 months Post Menapausal

    Please PM me if you want more details about my treatments and outcome

    Not evary person experience the same symptoms...I'm here for you

    Sheila♥

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • sheila888
    sheila888 Member Posts: 25,634
    edited December 2014

    TRIPLE POSITIVE GROUP

    https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/80/topic/...

    quiggy ..Check this thread you might find it very helpful

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • quiggy
    quiggy Member Posts: 315
    edited December 2014

    Thanks Sheila888.  I liked what TonLee wrote. Good reminder to not be afraid to take control.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • PMR53
    PMR53 Member Posts: 452
    edited December 2014

    I am so happy that your nodes are clear. That is very good news. I am also triple positive and don't know about my nodes. My doctor gave me Ativan to sleep or I would be a basket case. Don't hesitate to get something for sleep and or anxiety. I am still reeling from the hand grenade that just got thrown into my life. I am glad this is a compassionate place to discuss our fears and get answers. Taking baby steps this weekend .

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories