Winter rads 2014-2015

Coyote, I am sorry to hear about your friend and family.  It is tough being so far away. 

Sandy, I was never told to stop using DO and when I asked my techs about that today, they wanted to know why I would stop using it.  I already use the Dove soap and have for years.  I know that first time on the table, I remember thinking, "will this journey ever end?".  For me, it is the every day visits that get really old, really quick.  I would much rather be doing something else on my lunch hour. 

I had my first radiation today. It was uneventful. It took about a a half hour to adjust my body location, x-ray, and radiation. They said it'l be much shorter next time. I got my appointment schedule for next 7 weeks. First week is tough, my appointments are everywhere. Then 3 weeks of late afternoon appointments, then the rest are in early morning. I plan to work full time but it may become difficult when I have to leave early every day. How's everyone managing work and treatments?

Hockeycat - treatments and work have been a pain here as well. I work in a school and there just no way I can just cut out early without setting up a sub and getting a sub for just an hour or two seems ridiculous. I hope you can work something out with your employer to let you get to all your treatments ok.

Meta girl - have you found some cami's that work well and don't rub? I'm a size D and never would have dreamed of wearing just a cami, but I think I'm headed that way as well. Maybe a whole new liberating experience

Nomatterwhat - Here's a thought.... This is the second time I have had to deal with BC.  The first time in 2012, radiation was not part of my plan - I did BMX and chemo.  The RO felt radiation would be appropriate, but the MO did not.  This time around, cancer showed up in 3 node about an inch and a half from the original tumor.  Of course we will never know for certain if radiation would have zapped those missed cells, but.... 

Radiation may be inconvenient and uncomfortable, but personally, I'm thrilled to have a second chance. I embrace and give thanks for every treatment. 

I'm off the the clinic now.

I just got home from my simulation and tattoo session. Hated getting the tattoos. I just don't want yet another mark on my body to remind me that I have/had cancer. I bled a fair amount, too. I'm sure this will be easier than chemo, but my last chemo was one week ago and I'm still exhausted.

I really would prefer to start after Christmas. Is there a particular time in which radiation needs to start to be most effective?

Thanks for that, mmtagirl, it's appreciated!

Tomorrow is my simulation. It's a TWO hour appointment. Huh? Why? I got my tattoos the last time when they did the first look. I was not (and remain not) impressed with the tattoos - I agree that it's yet another mark of this f*cking disease.

I spent today near tears all day. I am so frightened about this 5th recurrence. And the MO and RO both are unsure about the PET scan results, so WTH? She said "give us a couple of weeks". Huh? MORE time to feel this anxiety? And I left 3 messages for my Neurologist (the one my MO says I have to get to prescribe the meds) to call in the last 3 days and no return call yet. I get the excuse that his nurse hasn't seen him. Yeah. Right. I believe that one, for sure. I tell you this, tho, when I DO get him on the phone he is getting an ear full from me. I've been going to him for a long time and this is the ONLY time I've ever asked for a call and this is what I get????!!!!!

So instead of meds I've been eating All. Day. Long. Junk food, comfort food, any food. I have bags of takeout and wrappers and all sorts of things on my desk. Do I know this is self-destructive behavior? Sure I do. But I also know that since they won't give me anything for the anxiety and since my Neuro's nurse is so (expletive deleted) that I will do anything I can to comfort myself.

Fortunately my workplace seems to be okay with what's about to happen. I'm in a different department than I was the last time, so hopefully they will be better here. I have the 8AM slot so should be at work by 9, and if I skip my lunch hour or work over a bit won't have to take any sick time. Of course, when the side effects come along, that might be a very different story.

I am DEFINITELY asking them in the morning about some way to keep my mutilated chest covered except the tattoos. I'll even go with a Kleenex. It's so humiliating to me to have that exposed for all to cluck at and go ":oh, that poor woman, just look at her". I see it in their eyes and I HATE it. I also plan to ask for some shielding for my throat as I have some swallowing issues and would hate to have it made worse by scatter.

I just have had the worst day. I'll be glad when I'm on the other side of this not knowing.

JJ

A conference call... now that's an idea I can get behind! And I will tell him what you said when I finally get to talk to him. I'm sure it's his nurse not getting the message to him. I don't know why I think that but I do.

Diabetics don't get to eat what they want if they want the disease to be under control. The things I've been eating are definitely not a healthy part of any diet and particularly not a diabetic diet. However, I don't care right now and will continue to self-medicate.

JJ

Justjean=Take care of yourself. Don't compromise your health. Please send me your MD phone number. It would be my pleasure to take care of this. My BF has described me in life as a dog with a bone when I want to get something done. Won't give up. Maybe try one of your other MD's for the ativan. Your BS,GYN,or PCP. Good luck!!!!

Birdgirl, I ordered my camis with a shelf bra on line from amazon. Now, I had a BMX and have expanders in so I really don't need any support. I was a DD before and would never have been able to wear them so I don't know how comfortable they would be for you.

I finished chemo end of August and rads began Nov 3 so few weeks wait shouldn't be a big deal for those that want to delay a few weeks. I can't imagine starting one week after chemo. I was sooo fatigued for several weeks after.

5 treatments down & 15 to go...no issues yet.

JustJean do talk to your GP about anti anxiety drugs. My GP is the one who prescribes my Xanax, when told her I had BC the prescription pad suddenly became very active and she's basically told me she has no problem prescribing this type of drug to patients w BC (before BC she was very stingy w the Xanax). I've dealt w anxiety disorders most of my adult life and during periods of time when I had no health insurance or when I had GPs unwilling to prescribe for this condition, I found Kava Kava to be fairly helpful, much more so than other herbal type remedies (and I tried many). You might want to give it a try until you can get the meds that will help you best cope w the anxiety that comes with a BC dx for so many of us. And go a bit easy on the sugar if you can. I found eating sugary foods actually makes my anxiety levels go up.

Well, I reached the meltdown point today. I knew it was coming. I told them it was coming. But, as is too often the case, no one listened to me. I never understand this, as I am a very strong woman and can usually be very clear about what it is I need. Today I called the Neuro first thing and get yet another excuse as to why he has not called me, and then I headed out to the hospital for my sim. Got there and couldn't go through the door to the room. Just started sobbing. I finally went in the room and one of the techs was all pink ribbons and fluffy clouds (as I call it) and "oh, honey, don't worry, there's NOTHING to be afraid of so don't be so silly". WTF? WTF???? I'm afraid I sort of went off on her, in as nice a fashion as I could. I asked her if SHE has ever had cancer. No. Gee, what a surprise. Has she ever had chemo? No again. Radiation? No. So I told her that before she goes mouthing off platitudes to someone like me who is on the verge of a full-blown panic attack that she really ought to get some sensitivity training and perhaps go get herself radiated for a few weeks so she'd actually KNOW what she was talking about. Then I asked her if she was essential to what was going to happen in the room and when she replied that she was not, I asked her to leave it immediately because she was not only not making the situation better but actively making it worse for me.

And then, of course, they brought me to the social worker once we were done with the sim. Cuz, you know, I didn't follow the pink ribbons and fluffy clouds protocol. Nice woman. She agreed that the tech was out of line and asked me if I had tried to get some meds for this anxiety. OMG. So I tell her, as nicely as I can because she has no idea what I've been through trying to do just that the entire last week, just how hard I've been trying to do just that. She gets some perky little 16 year old to call the MO's office to see if they can get me something, even though I tell them repeatedly that the MO would not do it. And then they tell me, when the MO's office said they wouldn't do it (gee, what a surprise) that I need to contact my PCP to get them. I almost had another meltdown. "Wait a minute, first my MO won't prescribe me anything and tells me I have to get it from my Neuro because of the sleep disorder drug I take. Then he doesn't call me back (and still hasn't). Then you say my MO should do it but when you call up there she won't, so now you're telling me that I have to go to my PCP????? " I hate having to be like that (I got a little loud) but dear god, I was getting nowhere any way else. They ended up calling the RO on her vacation (I refuse to feel bad about that at this point) who, without question, had them send in a script for Xanax to my local pharmacy.

I honestly don't think I can do the real thing on Monday. Today was so awful to me. It was like an insult to my soul.

OH. They are going to be radiating into my lung! I never realized that. WHY would they do that? Tumors #5, 6, and 7 were not in my lung, they were on the other side of the ribcage. Aren't they supposedly able to aim things better nowadays? Does anyone know anything about this? If I do go through with this I'll be belly breathing to keep my lungs as far away from that beam as possible.

This was literally one of the worst days of my life and I've spent most of it crying. NINE YEARS of this shit. It's never, ever going to stop, is it.

p.s. Sorry if I insulted any of you "pink ribbons and fluffy clouds" people. That was not my intent.

p.s.s. They said 25 treatments and 10 boosts. I'm not happy with that either - that takes me almost to the end of January!

Beachlady28,

What part of Jersey are you from?

Beachlady, you have that right. I really hated laying there all exposed and they said they could put a pillowcase over me so I had them put that in the notes.

JustJean, I haven't posted too often here but have been reading everyone's posts. I wish that there were something that I could say to help. Please know that you are in my thoughts and I'll be sending positive ones your way as you begin treatments. I am nearing the end of mine. Had #16 today and then was marked for the 4 boosts that I will have next week. Just this week I began having some redness. Hopefully you will have few and mild SE's. I have been blessed with a wonderful staff where my treatments are done. I wish that I could share them with you!

Hope50, let us know about the anastrozole SE's. I will start taking it in January and I'm worried about how many SE's I may experience. I also will be thinking positive thought for you to have none.

To everyone, let's all have a good weekend without treatments to go through.