No more kids post-diagnosis/treatment?

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floaton
floaton Member Posts: 181
edited December 2014 in Young With Breast Cancer

Due to being diagnosed within 6 months of delivery, my onc considers my bc to be "pregnancy-associated" and has stated that going off tamoxifen early, for me and my tumor characteristics/timing, for a second pregnancy would be "substandard cancer care."

I did not choose any fertility preservation, so it may not even be possible anyway, but there's a part of me that thinks not having a second as planned is "letting the cancer win." And it's arguing with the part that (is currently winning) that would never forgive myself if it triggered a recurrence or new primary and compromised me being around for my child that I'm lucky enough to already have. I also have bad post-chemo fatigue and lymphedema, so would likely need ridiculous amounts of help with a new baby. And would have a very hard time deciding re: breastfeeding vs going back on tamoxifen asap.

Anyone else who's probably/definitely calling their family "complete" before they'd planned to? How are you doing with your decision?

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  • RebzAmy
    RebzAmy Member Posts: 322
    edited November 2014

    Hi Floaton

    Very difficult one and I'm sure they'll be people with differing views. I personally know somebody who had BC at 28 and had chemo etc, such that when she wanted a baby she had to go through IVF to make it possible. She was diagnosed with BC again 10 years later almost immediately following the birth and this time it was secondaries. Coincidence or not? Who knows. I was told I'd have an early menopause due to chemo and at that time didn't have a partner. I subsequently got married and by this time my body became perimenopausal but part of me didn't really want to put my body through a pregnancy after everything I'd been through. It's really hard for me as I always wanted children and now it will never be. Ho hum! Anyway as I said I got married and am now a full time step mother and we also just got a puppy - who for me is like having a baby and I absolutely adore him - he's amazing. Adoption could be the way to go as well. So in answer to your question about my decision - well I wasn't given one. I do think if i'd had hormonal breast cancer I wouldn't go through with a pregnancy though. Hope this helps a little.

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  • rgiuff
    rgiuff Member Posts: 1,094
    edited December 2014

    Floaton, I'm not sure how old you are, and whether time is a big factor for you, but if you have many years of fertility left, you could stay on the tamoxifen for a few years, say 3, to be sure you are past the most likely point of a recurrence. Most risky period is the first 2 years, and then 5 years. Making healthy lifestyle changes, such as increasing exercise and improving diet, could also reduce your risk.

    It could just be a coincidence that your cancer was diagnosed shortly after pregnancy. Supposedly, many of them take years to develop into a detectable tumor. How could your Oncologist possibly know for sure that it was pregnancy related? And many studies show that a pregnancy after breast cancer does not increase the risk of a recurrence. I say that when a reasonable amount of time has passed, at which point you feel out of the woods, you may feel ready to move on with your life's dreams. My philosophy has always been, why treat cancer and prolong our lives, if we have to stop living the lives that make us happy? Good luck with whatever decision you make, and keep us posted.

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  • clarrn
    clarrn Member Posts: 557
    edited December 2014

    Hugs to you. I am in the same situation except that I was 6 months out after stopping breast feeding. I am struggling with the same questions, and have a genetics consult this month to ask some questions. So hard. I really wanted more children and I feel terrible for my daughter who asks for a sibling every day. She would be 6 if we take a baby break 2 years post treatment and get pregnant immediately. I wish we didn't have to worry about this :( I feel like it's a big decision for hubby too, could he raise 2 kids on his own in the worst case scenario. Sorry and hugs!

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  • cookiegal
    cookiegal Member Posts: 3,296
    edited December 2014

    I don't know anything about pregnancy and lymphedema. But please feel free to drop by the LE board, I bet someone knows.

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