Starting Chemo October 2014

Cherice, wow. You are radiant!!!! Beautiful!!!!

Welcome Beth....I had to switch to taxol due to reaction to taxotere. Most folks do really well on taxol, I am one of those exceptions. After number 3 woke up to same symptoms of first reaction.

Also for mouth sores, I learned a while back coconut oil toothpaste is great. My DH makes it, then I use the rinse....with biotene. Also use biotene toothpaste. You can google recipe. Easy

Just a quick hello, not a great day here....but we will kick this stuff!

Gentle hugs and strong prayers

I just attended my Look Good Feel Better class and it was really enjoyable.  There were only two other women.  The volunteer was wonderful.  She spent almost two hours with us showing us how to use make-up to accentuate what we have and downplay things like bags under the eyes and things of that nature.  She also showed us how to tie scarves in a million different ways.

I also got a bag of free make-up with some high end companies.

If you can find a class in your area, I recommend that you go.

FabIan, just curious why you could not have the flap? If you don't mind sharing.

During my surgery, they found 4 positive lymph nodes, but they went ahead with the plan.

Cherice

It's been awhile since checking in, trying to get holidays wrapped up before my last infusion Dec 4. Dreading it and wish I could ditch like 8th period in high school! Speaking of high school my newest SE is bloodshot eyes, I seriously look stoned all.day.long. Dammit I might as well be! They sell this stuff medically nowadays, haha. Anyway, I did wear eyeliner over the weekend, it seems to have triggered it and I'm hoping it doesn't stay. Wondering if anyone else has dealt with this one and what you did to relieve it. If it doesn't go away with over the counter stuff I'll be calling MO either way but wanted to check in here anyway and wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!

Leto - WooHoo!  I will be praying for you today and that SEs won't be bad for you.

Beth, day 11 seems to be the day for me too. Both times so far the indigestion sets in really awful, my esophagus and stomach burn and feel like crap. The doc said Prilosec 2x a day but I feel weird taking it when I am fine and by the time it sets in it does nothing. I went back and tracked it in my diary and it was the same time, the aloe vera juice does help. It's weird, I can be eating something totally non abrasive and I start to feel bloated and about an hour later the tummy is unhappy.

Has anyone else's nails started turning dark. It is starting with my thumbs and I am not sure if its going to be all my fingers or not. I know two people at church whose nails turned black one was a guy so he didn't care. I am trying to decide to paint them or just cut them down and put on some tips until all of this is over. Any suggestions?

nottoday, congrats on that new grandbaby!!!

Cherise, you look great, love the buzz cut as well as the sassy bob, I wish I could get my eyebrows to look that good!

Thanks She Angel, I have always had thin brows and lashes, so I'm used to drawing them in

Happy day before Turkey Day everyone. Work is a ghost town and all is quiet in the city, if it was not for the fact that I am sucking up all my sick time and vacation time with treatments I would have taken it off too. I did make it to the studio last night for a workout. I was a little tired when I got there but once I started moving I felt so much better, I soaked in Epson salt and jumped up my regular time this morning for prayer and reading but I do feel a bit tired and my eyes feel dry but look watery.  I think I will try the tear stuff to see if it makes a difference.

Normally I stay around the house for Thanksgiving if my husband is on  shift and just have Chinese food and watch movies but my mom seemed adament that I drive the 20 minutes to her house this year for what our family considers to be a gathering. We are such a hodge podge, family members just comes and go throughout the day fixing a plate from the buffet she sets out so it's not like we all sit down together and eat. I figured since she seems to be worried that I am not eating, I should make an appearance so she and my sisters can see that I am doing fine and looking well. I got on the scale this morning and have gained 5 pounds in two weeks, I see why the greasy food keeps me from being nauseated, it doesn't go anywhere its just sitting around making me fat. :-) But I will happily take that over being nauseated and sick so I am thankful for that and thankful for having stumbled upon this discussion board. When I was given the news and went online looking at everything I could find I was so lost. I would come to the site everyday reading what people were saying and doing afraid to join in because it would make it too real. I thought if I kept it to myself it would be so much easier, I am so glad I finally said something. Its so much easier talking with people who have an understanding of what is going on.

"..all things work together for good to those who love God.."Romans 8:28

Hi Ladies,

I'm in the November chemo club (ha ha) but read and watch your posts to see whats coming for me next month. On our board we decided to do a secret FB for winter chemo people. If anyone is interested in being added to the group send a PM to Bonnie in the November 2014 chemo group. She is extending it to the December gals to. Would love to see your posts and tip there too plus we are trying to make it more social too.

Nitengirl

Hey Becca,

I'm so sorry to hear about all you've been through. So glad that both your grandson and your son are doing well.

Happy 55th birthday!

Thank you for your perspective on the antidepressants. I'm still trying to figure out what to do. Wondering if I can plow through 2 more sessions - one on Wednesday and the last on Dec. 23, if all goes as planned. I don't particularly believe in needless anguish if there's something that can help.

I am pasting something I found on another thread, originally from Huffington Post. Hope you find it as inspiring as I did.

Hugs.

The Things I Wish I Were Told When I Was Diagnosed With Cancer by Jeff Tomszek

Your relationships are about to change. All of them. Some will get stronger. They will probably not be with the people you would expect. The people you want to handle this well might not be able to for a variety of reasons. Some of the reasons will be selfish. Some of them will be entirely innocent and circumstantial. All of them will be forgivable because no one plans for cancer. Carrying bitterness or anger won't help your recovery. Fighting for anyone to stick with you won't cure you. Those who can, will.

You will be determined to have more energy than you do. You will convince yourself that you are thinking straight, are able to handle all of this and do not need anyone. You will run out fuel. Your body will change first and your mind will follow. You won't lose your mind, memories or sensibility. It will all come back. But, you will be different. You will never have the same sense of self. You should embrace this. Your old self was probably really great. Your transformed self will be even better. Give into what is happening and trust it.

You are going to feel fear. Even if you are normally stubborn, confident and seemingly invincible you will finally find yourself admitting that you are scared of something. Cancer is scary and incredibly confusing. The unknowing will eat at you worse than the disease itself. You'll need distractions. Music and sleep will probably be the ones you resort to most. Reading will become difficult. So will watching TV or movies, having conversations, writing and basically everything else. They call it "chemo brain" for a reason. You will feel normal eventually. Just a new kind of normal. When you feel afraid let yourself lean on those around you. Cry. Be vulnerable. You are vulnerable. There will be time for strength, but never admitting weakness will cause anxiety to mount and your condition to worsen. Let it all out. Yell if you need to. Sing when you feel up to it. Sob uncontrollably. Apologize for your mood swings. Treatments and prescriptions will often be the cause of them. The people that love you will understand.

The people that love you will be just as scared as you are. Probably more. They will be worrying even when they are smiling. They will assume you are in more pain than you are. They will be thinking about you dying and preparing for life without you. They will go through a process that you will never understand just like they will never understand the process you are going through. Let them process. Forgive them when they don't understand. Exercise patience when you can. Know that those that were built for this will be there when you get to the other side and you will all be able to laugh together again. You'll cry together too. Then you'll get to a place where you will just live in the world again together and that is when you know that you have beaten this.

The sooner you recognize that you are mortal, the sooner you can create the mentality for survival. There is a chance you might not make it. Just like there is a chance that you will. Don't look at statistics. You are unique and what is happening inside you is unique. Your fight is yours alone and there are too many factors to compare yourself to others that have had your condition. No one will want you to think about death, but you won't have a choice. You will think about it from the moment you are given your diagnosis. Come to terms with it. Calmly accept it. Then, shift every thought you have into believing that you won't die. You are going to beat this. Your mental focus on that fact will be more powerful than any treatment you receive.

Your doctors and nurses will become your source of comfort. You will feel safe with them. If you do not feel safe with them you need to change your care provider immediately. There is no time to waste. This shouldn't be a game played on anyone's terms but yours. When you find the right caretakers you will know immediately. Do not let insurance, money or red tape prevent you from getting the treatment you deserve. This is your only shot. There is always a way. Find those hands that you trust your life in and willingly give it to them. They will quickly bring you a sense of calm. They will spend time answering your questions. There will be no stupid questions to them. They won't do anything besides make you feel like you are the most important life that exists. They will never make you feel like they don't have things in control. They will be honest and accessible at all times. They might even become your friends. You might celebrate with them over drinks months or years after they have cured you. They deserve your gratitude, respect and appreciation daily. If you get upset at them during treatment know that they'll forgive you. They get that you're going through something they can't imagine- but they understand better than anyone. They see it every day and they choose to be there because they want to make the worst experience of your life more tolerable.

You will need to find balance after treatment. Start by seeking balance during treatment. Eat well. Sleep well. Listen to your body. Explore meditation. Experiment with new forms of exercise that aren't so demanding. Embrace massage and other body therapies. Go to therapy. A therapist will be able to guide you through your journey in ways you could never fathom. Do not be too proud to speak to someone. You cannot afford to store up the intensity of the emotion that comes with fighting a life-threatening illness. Let it out for yourself. You will begin to hear your voice changing. That voice is who you are becoming in the face of mortality. Listen to that voice. It will be the purest, most authentic version of you that you have ever known. Bring that person into the world -- strengths and vulnerabilities and everything between. Be that person forever.

You will inspire others. It will feel weird. People you haven't spoken to since grade school will be in touch. Ex-girlfriends, former colleagues... even people you felt never wanted to talk to you again. The influx of interest in your seemingly fading life will be greater than any living moment you have ever experienced. That support is what will shift a fading life into a surviving one. Be grateful for every message. Be appreciative of each gift and each visit. There will be moments where all of this attention will make you feel lonelier than you have ever felt in your life. In a hospital room full of people with messages stuffing your inbox, voicemail and mailbox you will find yourself feeling completely alone. This is when you will realize that you could afford to have a stronger relationship with yourself. That only you walk this earth with 100% investment in you. Make the investment and use this as an opportunity to reexamine your self-worth. Love yourself more than ever and recognize how much love there is for you in the world. Then start sharing that love. You will come to see that even when you are the neediest person you know you can still be giving. Giving will make you feel better than taking.

When you get to the other side you won't believe it. They will tell you the disease is gone. Everyone you know will rejoice and return back to their lives. You'll constantly wonder if it is coming back. Slowly this feeling will fade, but cancer will always be a part of you. It will define how you see the world moving forward. You're going to feel like the future is a funny thing to think about because the present is going to suddenly seem incredibly important. Keep moving. You'll be more productive. You'll understand who truly loves you because they will still be there. You'll want to meet new people that connect to the newly evolved version of your old self. You'll want to let go of those that don't "get" who you are now. You'll feel a little guilty doing it. Then, you'll move on. You don't have time to waste. The greatest gift you've been given is that you now understand that and you're going to make the most of every second. You're going to be the most passionate person you know going forward. Translate that passion to a greater purpose. Be fearless again.

Sorry I haven't posted. Rough week. My fibroid hates chemo. I wound up in the ER last Monday for severe pain. Spent the day receiving morphine. Not much they can do right now. Today was round three with AC. One more AC to go. Hoping Taxol is kinder.

I hope you are all doing well. Keep fighting.

llovecoasters, so sorry to hear you had a rough week. Hope things go smoothly with this round.

Starting round 3 tomorrow. I've been very brave - working, getting the laundry done, stocking up on the foods I'll need, but I'm really wishing I could go hide in the closet until 2015 when chemo is all over! Ah well, steroids, here I come.

Hope all of you are doing well!

Hi Group, I have missed checking in and had to look at all the posts I have missed. It seems we have run the gambit on emotions and physical issues since before Thanksgiving, but that is to be expected. I am glad I got to enjoy all the food I wanted this time, I think it was more of I savored every bite this time instead of just stuffing myself. I only ate what I wanted, which was mostly starches. Today is my birthday and I am one day post #3 infusion which is usually and okay day it just with the anti nausea medicine I am so slow an sleepy. If I sit still I am out, and having to sit up 2 hours after I take it makes it hard to nap like I want but if I lay down I find I start coughing and wake myself up as if something is stuck in my throat. I also noticed yesterday during the infusion I was starting to cough a lot, not sure if it was the port or not but I finally got it under control and it went a bit faster, although I have decided I like early morning. Too many sour puss faces late afternoon. I had a 76 year old man come up to me when he was done and say "you are the happiest face I see in here smiling, nodding at people and listening to your music while filling out Christmas cards, what a treat".

I have folks sending me gift certificates for the spa and fixing me meals and dropping them off. I don't even know if I can use the gift certificate now with the treatments and just between us, not everyone is a good cook but I don't know how to tell folks not to do. I know they just want o feel helpful anyway they can and I just try to remember that just because I am fine without all the fuss and hoop la, they may not be and that's why they keep doing.

I have my consultation with the plastic surgeon tomorrow morning so one more doc to add the list of many that I now see. When the nurse was taking my blood yesterday she was saying it's rare to run across someone as healthy as me no health issues, no medications, etc. and I broke out laughing. I told her I use to be as healthy as a bowl of grits, now I tote around a black book with all my meds, doctor information, appointments and business cards for all the people I see to mention some of the diagrams the doctors have written out that is the size of a phone book (for those of you who remember a phone book). I feel anything but healthy knowing they are pumping poison into my body on a regular basis and my body knows and doesn't like it, and knowing that eventually we are cutting it out. The MO came in and checked me out and could no longer feel the lump an asked me had I felt it in two weeks, another bout of laughter from me as I pointed out to him I never felt it the first time, my husband did. So I guess the chemo is working to shrink it and may even make it non existent. I shall keep you all posted, one more round of this on December 12th, then on to the next 8 weeks of the journey. I think I may have been a bit ambitious wanting to participate in the Pole Competition in June, but we all have to look ahead at something. Better days are coming. My work partner sent me "Dear God, They say It's Caner a companion guide for women on the breast cancer journey" by Janet Thompson has anyone else read it?