MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

So, I want to chime in on the Christmas tree/holiday decorating.  As the old-timers will remember, we lost my Mom quickly & unexpectedly in June 2012.  December of that year, I knew, would be horribly rough, so my sister, daughter & I went on a Caribbean cruise over Christmas, getting home on New Year's Eve.  December of 2013 I still couldn't face Christmas as we knew it, so my sister hosted in her home.  DD & I drove to sister's home 2.5 hours north on Christmas Day and because it had always been at my house for the previous 18 yrs or so, it didn't even really feel like Christmas, but we had a good day.  Fast forward-Christmas 2014.  My brother wanted to come up from Calif & spend Thanksgiving with my daughter & I but we had already made other plans.  Still not feeling like doing Christmas the regular way, so instead, we are having Thanksmas.  My brother & his wife & possibly my Calif nephew will come up on Dec 12 & my sister & her husband may bring my brother's other boy with them (he's in Portland) and come down on the 12th.  We are going to get my Dad, who is end-stage Alzheimer's & his wife to come over on the 13th and we are going to make a gigantic batch of my Mom's home-made pizza, which none of us have attempted since she's been gone.  I'm actually excited and plan to do some decorating, not sure how much though.   So all this is not because of my BC but I can totally get how derailed we can all get about life and the holidays may or may not take a back seat.  It's what YOU feel YOU can do.  Be happy!

Man, I lost another post!

Bars, I find that in a fit of frustration I throw away lights and stuff that doesn't work when we take our lights down. Then I forget what I got rid of. Putting the lights up is always a "fun" activity at my house. 2 moves this year won't help either. Hope you find your lights soon.

Twolumps, I know there are threads for single ladies, I don't know if they are age specific. By the by, I am single with two grown children. I am on the older side of middle tho. I sometimes think it is easier because I don't have to take care of anyone else. Just me.

Deb, I was dxed in Nov and had my surgery 3 days before Christmas. Kinda messed up the holiday. Actually made it into a holidaze.

I still get to have my mammo and BS appt. in Dec. So my mantra lately is "It is okay to be nervous." Or

"I am nervous and that's okay."

My chiropractor gave me a book today. "Why do I feel so lousy?" I am sure it is about nutrition, so probably more diet changes for me. I think (know) I ate way too much cake and key lime pie on my vacay.

Twolumps, there is a thread of single women. I read it a while ago, but they seemed younger than me, (55) and I felt I couldn't relate to them.  So I haven't read it in a while, but maybe it has changed.  I'm single, no kids, one dog who is my baby, but she can't really help when I'm laid up!  Still expects me to feed and walk her.

Mac:  vacations are to be enjoyed!!  Key lime pie in FL?  why not???  It's not something I bet you usually have at home. And it is hard for many to try to diet around the holidays.  Read the book, think about what changes you might want to make, ,and do it Jan 2.   My opinion.

Personally I'm all for Festivus,, the holiday for the rest of us!  (remember Seinfield) 

Mac - No banner on mine about immunotherapy. Seems a long time ago on another thread somebody had something show up. Maybe PM the Mods. I agree with vacay eating. But on the other hand bet you were more active while you down there. How's the business going and your apprentice? I might have been tempted to whack the chiro with the book to show him just how you feel.

Barsco - Think Mac is right. Did you maybe decide lights were kaput and got rid of them? I did the same thing, well not quite the same. Turned the closet floors upside down looking for some sandals this summer. Oh right, got rid of them last summer since the leather was peeling off. Talk about not quality shoes with a name brand geesh.

We put up a tree mostly just for me. One of those tall skinny things. Can't get 1/10 of the ornaments I have on it. One of these days I will get this place cleaned out enough to get a big one. Have ceilings tall enough but maybe no room to walk around it HaHa.

Twolumps - tell us about the teenage daughter. Mine was surprisingly great at that age. Just don't ask her to cook anything beyond a TV dinner. I didn't have a bmx so can't speak to that. I think if you get things in place lined up it could work. Variable is the weather where you live. Bathing/washing hair with hand held shower will be a problem (trusted female friend to help?). Reaching anything also. Is micro above the stove? Dog is he rambunctious, does he go out do his stuff in yard and come right back in? Feeding him - like drop food in bowl (just something with a pour spout on it) or canned? Just musing here. Bet someone else has been there more than I have with this. Even Eli can address major surg. and I don't think she has kids at home. See that you've been on Dec 2014 surgery thread. Do you have a nurse navigator at your hospital to ask? Hyst. are different even with an abdominal approach. At least you can kinda hold onto that area and walk. Both arms majorly restricted is diff. Practice sitting up not using arms/elbows. Rolling to side. Strengthen those abs while you have a couple of weeks. Also have you been thru the presurg. prep thread on here? This is the link.

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/91/topic/...

I would think it can be done and I'm sure it has been done. You sound like you have good support and someone who does live with you. Plan, plan, plan and then expect the unexpected. Get ready to nest for a while. I think I would want to rent a recliner since I don't have one and that alone would require some prep around here. I know Blessings rented a hospital bed and loved, loved having it - electric. Also the recliner electric not handle driven (does that make it a lift chair and not a recliner??) I would say with the teenager not knowing her plan on something special as a "reward" for her and you on the recovery end. Be frank with her as much as you can about what limits you know you will have but upside that it will get better.

twolumps:  luvmygoats put up some really good questions.  As you are going about your day, think about how you use your arms.  Do you have to reach for the microwave? Where is the dog food stored?   Opening a door to let dog in and out should not be a problem, but if you have to chase after him, or run out to scoop the poop, then you may need help for that. Do you have a couple of neighbors who can pop over for quick visits to help with, say, opening cans of dog food or other little things?  **I need just 5 minutes of your time to do ____***   you will be surprised how people will want to help out.

for getting out of bed,,, if you have a recliner, or decide to use an electric hospital bed,,, great.  If you have flat bed like me,, what I did was get a bed wedge at Bed Bath and Beyond. That way I slept up at an angle. I can't sleep flat on my back, and this helped, cuz you won't be able to sleep on your side for a while. Being reclined seemed to help me sleep on my back.  Then I swung my legs over the side of the bed,, kinda of braced my feet and used them for leverage to help me get up.  You won't be able to use your arms to push you up for a while.

When you have the drains,, some surgeons let you shower with them and some don't. I recommend Walgreens pre-moistened wash gloves. You can slip your whole hand inside and wash all over. No rinsing needed and you feel very refreshed afterwards. Washing hair,, you will need help.  A friend or someone who could drive you to your hairdresser just for a wash.  Mine offered to wash my hair if I needed it, but my friend helped me out so I was OK.  There is also dry shampoo, but you will need help as it will be hard to reach up to your head for a while.

Walk around, keeping your arms at your side,, and never lift more than shoulder height.  What can't you reach?  What can't you do?  That may help you decide to temporarily move a few things around while you are recovering.  Definitely check the preop surg thread too. Have food in the freezer that you can microwave,, cans of soup,, delivery menus,, enough dog food on hand to last at least 2 weeks,, 3 is probably better.

I only had Uni MX,, so I'm just mentioning things that affected me,, but I still had one good arm. So keep that in mind as you read above!!  ((hugs)) and all the best to you.

Man, oh, man!  What great advice!  I will try the experiment starting tonight and see what I'll need to work around.  My d-o-g is very well behaved and if she only had opposable thumbs, she'd feed herself. 

I have been thinking about what I can cook to stick in the freezer like you said.  I'll be able to cook Thanksgiving, so I'll definitely be putting some of that away.  Of course, the obligatory enchilada casserole.  I am in Texas, after all.  The soup was a nice catch.  Hadn't thought of that.

My bed is pretty far off the ground so I'm not quite sure how that will work, but I'll practice tonight.  I don't have a recliner, but I can definitely get wedge pillows.

My teenage daughter is a very strong-willed young woman who has been blessed with VERY good health all her life.  So what she makes up for with independence, she kind of goes begging in the empathy department.  Plus, being so young, she is still afflicted with egocentricity that we all go through for awhile.  Don't get me wrong, I adore her.  She probably will make a great young entrepreneur, but probably best she doesn't pursue a career in nursing.  LOL  She did say she would cook for me if I gave her instructions.  We'll see how that goes. 

I did ask my hair stylist last night how much she would charge to shampoo and blow dry my hair.  She said $20.  That sounded a little high to me.  What do y'all think?  I was thinking of calling some different places to see what they said.

Anyhow, keep the good advice coming.  Oh, one last question. I was told to just bring toiletries and something comfy to wear home and my phone charger with me to the hospital.  Since I'll only be there overnight, I don't really think I'll need an extra gown or my kindle or ipod or even a magazine. I can't imagine I'll be interested in much besides sleeping and going home....

Mac, I have the immunotherapy banner.

glennie, those comfort foods are right up my alley.  I'll stock up! And you're the second person who has told me to take full advantage of the IV meds.  After what y'all have said, I won't be turning any down. 

Thanks for your help.

congrats...ndgrrl Glad it all worked out for you with no problems. Happy healing!!

Wow ndgrrl what great timing. So glad the girl looks good. Take it easy on the partay but enjoy.

ndgrrl - congrats! That is great news...amazing they could get you in so quickly!

glennie - thanks for the link for knitted knockers...I missed that when I checked this thread the other day. I was on my phone, so it's always more challenging! I looked at the thread tonight and I think they are really cool. My sister is great at knitting - she's great at pretty much everything crafty! I sent her the link to the page with the patterns to see if she wants to make some for me. I suspect she will and she'd be able to do them super fast. Only bummer is that she lives in England, so I'm not sure how much it will cost for her to mail them to me...lol!

deborah - I checked out your site as well - what a great product you have come up with! Very clever and fun, too!

twolumps - it looks like you got some great tips from everyone. Best wishes for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery!! My 16 yr old did all the laundry for me for a few weeks. She did a great job with it, but...now it has been a few months and somehow I am back to doing all the laundry!

As for Christmas - I am looking forward to putting up the tree over Thanksgiving weekend. My oldest will be home for the weekend so it is always fun to put it up when she is here. We do that and watch Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel! There are so many movies out these days that we can never watch them all!

Edit: check out my new profile picture!! My little Chugg is soooo cute!

Hooray, Ndgrrl!

Well ladies, after 3 years and 10 months on Tamoxifen, I decided to quit. Such a worrisome decision. But I think it's causing neurological problems. I saw my MO the other day and told her I thought it was killing my nerve endings and she didn't dispute the possibility, like usual. The biggest clue for me was that I started having terrible bouts of vertigo in August. About 20-30 times per day. I thought maybe it was the melatonin or an inner ear thing, I never would have guessed it was the Tamoxifen. But after I quit it a month ago the vertigo just stopped. After chemo I had 2 numb toes, now I have 8. And I think it's started attacking my back. Symptoms of spinal and cervical stenosis to be precise.

So now she's scheduled me for a spinal MRI and a brain MRI. She said we have to rule out the possibility of tumors pressing on the nerves and I understand that - I want to do that, also.

But basically we have to remember that Tamoxifen and the AIs are mild chemo drugs and I guess they can damage your nerves over the long-term just like the heavy-duty chemo. I'm almost mad at myself for sticking it out as long as I did. It also caused bad tinnitus in my ears and blurry vision. I'm glad I didn't hang in there with it until I was blind, deaf and crippled - good grief!

In the meantime I decided to take DIM. I guess something is better than nothing. But it's such an uncomfortable feeling. It's like losing your security blanket.

And Eph, I'm so happy for you - you made it! It couldn't have been easy. Way to go!

heartnsoul76. I get it. As described above in this thread, my MO took me off AIs. My joint pain did eventually go away. However, my knee joints are about 20 years older than the rest of my body from the AIs. The other SE's -glaucoma and bone issues are still on the radar. I now snap, crackle, and pop like a bowl of Rice Krispies. And that Cinderella TV show with Leslie Ann Warren when we were kids- where one of the evil sister's knees creaked whenever she curtsied? I could be her understudy.

So, you may be fortunate that some of the SEs will actually dissipate and your QOL will improve.

Keep us posted as to what if any SEs do improve. It's useful info going forward.

You did your best. When the MO says stop. We listen. Good job.

Deborah2012

Had to share that my sister already emailed me back about the knitted knockers asking me all sorts of questions about how I want them, size, material, nipple or no nipple! Knowing her, she'll be done with them by Sunday!