October 2014 Surgery Sisters

Hello All, I joined your group when I was scheduled for a core biopsy. I knew in my heart I had cancer again, in the same breast 20 yrs ago. I got the news Wednesday, I had cancer in the same breast. IDC but waiting for the full path report. You all know what happens now. Got appointment with surgeon Monday ,hopefully I will know what I am dealing with. I know I will have a BMX, you cannot have rad more than once in the same breast, tired of worring so the other breast will go too. I hate the waiting as all of you do. I am so glad I have kept up with all of you, at least I know what maybe ahead of me. All of you who are nervous about chemo, I had it, worked everyday so don't be afraid, what ever comes up it can be managed. Thank you for giving me a trail to follow.

Hopeful8201… I want to thank you for all the support you have given me. You may not realize this but you have a great sprit, you remind me of me when I went through it the first time. I hope that as I depend on the information I get here and help, that I can return it. I have found in supporting others you support yourself, we are sisters together in the same fight no matter what stage you are in. All of us connected in the same fight.

Revup--You are in the same boat as me. Had DCIS in 2008, now ILC (new primary) in same breast. I agonized over the decision to keep my still good breast, and now i am agonizing over the decision of whether to do chemo or not. Cancer is a series of crappy options where you get to pick which is the least horrible.

Am undergoing implant recon without any problems, other than discomfort at fills--my PS said he has about a 70% success rate in women with prior RT.

I find most people who haven't gone through any of this, just can't quite get it--and I don't blame them. I was one of those people once too. Its easier to let yourself whine here. Someone else will pick you up. And later you can pick someone else up. I could not imagine going through this without this community.

By the way, where is our typing cat? Anyone seen her?

Greetings everyone!

Revup - I am very sorry to hear that IDC has crept up and I do pray the pathology is not horrendous. I also pray for clarity in decisions and a sense of peace. Also, you are absolutely correct - Hopeful is and has been extremely supportive to all of the BC.org family and I am very thankful for her as well.

Lilith - I am so proud of you for jumping in the car and heading to work. I really am struggling with whether to go back to work on Monday or take one more week. Yet the crazy thing is...my commute is 12 stairs down into my office. How pathetic is that? I am feeling physically much better - been doing some treadmill work and squats. Will ask PS on Friday if I can start running again - itching to start training for the Boulder Bolder in May. However, mentally I am not quite sure I am ready for the pace and load of work. Actually, I will be totally honest and say that it will kind of bug me that I will be on STD through the Thanksgiving holiday - meaning I will lose two days of paid leave. How pathetic is that? ;-)

What other crazy things - yesterday I found out that my insurance denied my PET scan, so now I have to go through the old fashioned chest/abdomen CT and bone scan. No big deal, just more appointments - which also might factor in to going back to work and then saying, "I'll be OOO for 3 hours today for personal reasons" - not a good impression to my employees upon recent return, heh?

Finally, funny story (can't remember if I already shared it)... Brian, my hubby, before surgery, decided to have his mid-life crisis and out of nowhere went and bought a used 2002 Maserati as his 'boy toy'. Now, let me tell you that it caused a bit of discontent with me, as I was fully consumed with BC and he was fully consumed with buying a new car. Ick. However, I have come to peace about it...until I realized that now we have three vehicles which all get less than 14 miles/gallon. That just doesn't sit with me. So yesterday, on my 'day off' from doctor's appointments, I took my gas guzzler in and traded it for a new diesel wagon! Ha!

Yes, you can see there is a bit of competition here in this family....but the woman must win. Mine is much prettier than that silly two-seater that is completely impracticable. Maybe not as fancy, but newer for sure.

Well - there's my silly story for the day. Off to get chemo education.

Have a blessed day everyone!

Love,

Akitagirl

Hi everyone -- I  have been reading, but not posting as not too much to report.

2 thumbs up for yoga and meditation -- I'm in between yoga classes right now, but find it very useful, both to keep stretching (I'm totally not bendy, but yoga helps) and because it seems to help quiet my mind -- I think I'm so focused on understanding the pose and getting my body into it, that I have no room for my mind to wander into anything else.  I need to find a new class.  

I think meditation is also helpful and Oprah and Deepak are running a 21 day meditation challenge right now -- its free and I think its a nice way to get into meditation because they guide you -- I've been using the daily postings the last couple of weeks off and on and have really liked it.

I'm working with a physio these days on a shoulder issue -- I thought I had made it through surgeries without having to deal with any ROM issues, but not so lucky.  My doc and physio think its bursitis, so hopefully some extended therapy will get things back working again.

Happy healing everyone and stay warm -- its snowing here in Toronto.  A friend and I made arrangements to walk later this evening, so I'm hoping the roads are ok for driving -- I love a good walk in the snow when I'm all bundled up!

Ridley, I moved from Ontario to BC last year and I really miss the winter sometimes! I too love bundled, snowy walks, especially at night when everything is still and the snow is squeaking underfoot.

Update on me: I'm back at work now, and am feeling physically fine but still not mentally engaged. Akitagirl, I know where you're coming from and would take the extra week if you can; I sure could have used more time. Everyone's different though. I am lucky to have a very supportive supervisor and colleagues, but I really feel like I'm not pulling my weight at work - I just can't seem to stay focused on work tasks. Sigh. Not sure when I'm going to feel fully "like myself" again. Maybe I have to accept that "myself" is different now, and that that's ok. I'm turning 40 on Sunday and want this year to be filled with positive, soul-nourishing, life-affirming things. I just need to find a way to get out of my funk and make that happen!

Thanks for listening, ladies. Hugs to all.

Happy 40th Trails! My birthday was Monday and I plan to have a better year this year! I'm struggling for a sense of "normal" as well. I'm 4 weeks out from bmx and drove for the first time today. Driving was ok but the roads are icy and bumpy and that was uncomfortable. I'm still pretty tight and sore, still have iron bra but ROM is getting better. I'm trying to figure out when to call a PS and explore reconstruction. The thought of another surgery and recovery makes me want to vomit. Could I live flat? I'm thinking it's fine now, but I'm still young and thinking I will want to. I'm taking tamoxifen now and trying to put my mind at rest. I've got to let it go and move on with my life. This is hard! I've gotten my answers, so what do I do now? Maybe work will be the distraction I need. I go back dec 1.

I am having an echo done tomorrow and if everything shows up ok with my heart, I'll have port placement surgery Friday morning.

I saw the PS on Tuesday and got another 50cc in each TE. Still have the one drain in BUT it comes out Friday regardless he said and I will meet with his nurse to get that removed. I also have an appointment Friday to see the Physical Therapist that is in his to see if I'd benefit from some help with my right arm, which is the side they took lymph nodes out on.

Hugs Sandra!

Fourminor yes we are the same. I am having some difficulty in understanding when they deciede it is a primary or reoccurance. I got a message on my phone from were I had my mammogram that my Doctor has sent a referral for me to come in, I would assume for some kind of scan, that makes me feel like a frog on a hot griddle, everytime I try to come down it is just as hot when I land. Lets see what the surgeon says Monday, wait and see again! Having all the support that is given here is a blessing. Through all of this I had to get a job, so I interviewed and got a job starting first of Dec. I maybe be able to put it back some not sure. I hope they can get me in for surgery fairly quickly.

Unless you go through it you have no idea what a game changer BC is. It changes you physically, visually reminds you that you have been challenged in so many ways on all fronts. I thought I was finished now I am back on the playing field again, I wished I could have stayed on the bench.

Sandra I understand were your coming from, you just get tired. I had a lot of pain in my arm the first go around. Had to go to PT to get rom back as well as swelling down, for a couple of years, even had an arm pump at home. You have had a lot more surgeries and pain then I did so I just multiplied how I felt by 5, you have my admiration and respect. Tired, yep I believe you are but just like you have helped so many sisters, we all will help you. Six weeks may seem like a long time and feel like it but your body has been through a lot, healing takes its own time. Sending positive thoughts your way.

LauraW68 Best wishes to you, so you can get going with treatment.

Trails  Ridley  grew up in Mt. Shasta Calif, lots of snow so understand the crunch of snow, on a full moon night nothing more beautiful

Hopeful8201… hummingbird as always love reading your posts.

Well I feel like I have worked off some of my stress, a little long winded at best.

Laura - good luck with your echo today. I have my port placement this morning at 1000.

Lynne811: We will be thinking of you tomorrow and hope for speedy recovery!

Sandra: I am thinking of you and praying that today you have a breath of fresh air, and a light step. I am lifting you up.

Funny story of the day: I had accepted the assignment to sing/play piano this weekend at praise and worship. Of course, practice is on Thursday nights. So when I reminded my family last night that I had rehearsal tonight, they looked at me and just rolled their eyes. Like, "Really, you are having a procedure and then going to music practice, and singing at all three services on Sunday?". My resounding answer...'Yes"!!!!

Also, I forgot to tell you all that my dad finally showed his face at my youngest daughter's gymnastics meet this last Sunday! I was so proud of him for showing up. Of course, when he asked which one was Ashley, I said, "dad, she's right there - you know, the only asian girl on our team". The other parents cracked up! Glad to make people smile. :-) Of course, I must take one minute to brag - Ashley took First place in the All-Around!!! This was her first time to accomplish this, so I took her out to a nice lunch and let her pick out a little 'something' from the American Girl store. Fun day! Here's a proud mama pic:

My problem seems so minimal compared to what some of you must deal with. I had a skin sparing BMX 5 weeks ago. My drains came out at 2 weeks. On my last 3 weekly visits, my BS either uses the sonogram machine, or feels with his fingers for the fluid and sticks a big needle and syringe in and withdraws fluid. One area is always bloody. He said that area is still "excited". Has anyone else had to have fluid removed so frequently? He assures me I'm healing nicely, but it is unnerving to sit there and see what fills the syringe. He also has me in a very uncomfortable breast binder to try and

keep the fluid down .

Sandra - Being in pain is tiring - and it's easy to forget that. Having pain long term is even more so. Not being able to sleep due to pain is a triple whammy. Wish we could wave a magic wand and get you over the hump.

Akitagirl - your daughter's darling, and you must be so very proud of her. Glad your dad showed up and is making the effort, even if it's just a tad late in the game. Thanks for sharing the photo and update.

Mefromcc - it's not a contest. We're all dealing with more than we wanted to be dealt so feel free to moan and groan. I'd be getting pretty tired of being drained, wearing a binder and all that, too. It really keeps you from moving on, I would think.

Let's all hope for lots of improvement in the next week. I hope NO ONE has to host Thanksgiving but can just sit back and enjoy the occasion. I need to make a couple of items (pumpkin cheesecake and a yam dish), both of which can be done the day before. I also want to make some pumpkin bread as gifts. Other than that, it should be an easy day. I'm hoping for results of my biopsies on Wednesday and particularly hoping for good results.

I will certainly be thinking of each of you with thanks and affection.

PS - I realize our Canadian sisters have already celebrated Thanksgiving so don't have a holiday to break up the week. However, you're certainly among those I give thanks for this year.

Metfromcc, sounds like the drains came out too early.

Hi ladies, thank you to all who offered kind words and encouragement after my hard time last week...I appreciate it more than you know. Today I saw the new rad doctor, he was much nicer than last weeks...only downside was his odds of recurrence after rads was 10%...I liked last weeks 2% better! When I was taking off my bra it pulled a scab off at the top of my incision and started dripping blood on the floor, I was freaking out! I'm supposed to go back next Monday to be marked/measured/scanned/whatever it is they do to prepare, and then start rads the following Monday.

But...I also had an appt today with my BS, he wants me to put off rads another week or two until I'm more healed. (Fortunately the scab that pulled off today was on my "good" side.). Did I mention that, as I'm sitting here in bed writing, that I am bra less? First time in four freaking weeks! I got the ok for non-underwire bras during the day and no bras at night...yay! I can't tell you had bad it had gotten, I actually had been using my softest pair of socks to tuck under the band of my bras, front and back, the bras had really started to irritate me.

Sandra, I totally get your low period, I was having my own. Pretty much the only time I got out of bed in the past week was for appts or to drive my son to school. The recliner went back Saturday and having it gone made me realize how weak I'd really gotten. Getting out of my bed has been a challenge which hasn't been helped with a mushy 4" foam topper. It's really hard for me to get comfortable, if I move the wrong way I get a searing, tearing like pain. On top of that I stopped taking the Percocet probably a week ago, I was starting to really enjoy it too much. Seriously! So now when I get in bed to sleep at night it can take hours to fall asleep, I lie there with a lot of anxiety.

On a funnier note google brought me back to a different thread on BCO...I was looking to see if anyone else felt the cold down their chest whenever they had a cold drink. I'm not alone!!! It's the creepiest feeling, does anyone else here get that?!