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Violetphisch
Violetphisch Member Posts: 15
edited November 2014 in Just Diagnosed

hi

Just diagnosed 5 days ago. I have history of fibroadenoma in both breasts and was in to see the breast surgeon about that, and had just found a small lump right to the side of my right breast. Almost as an aside to the surgeon , I asked him to ultrasound it. He did and wanted it biopsied. Went in the next day for surgical exsional biopsy, and path came back positive. IDC, <2cm, grade 1 ER+/PR+, HER2 2( is getting tested again). Clean margins, 3mm at closet point.

My gyn wants a BRCA test. He is talking total hysterectomy if comes back positive.

Feel like I'm looking up at this mountain to climb and I don't have the gear.

I'm taking my feelings as they come, and have taken an indefinite leave from my job. Honestly, I don't really care about it. The stress, the drama, the hours and fatigue, not worth it.

Looking for encouragement and a place to vent when I don't want to burden the really supportive people here.

I know they are trying to be helpful, but honestly... Sometimes I just want to be left alone. Anyone else?

This is rambling, I know. Sorry. Just feeling like so much is in front of me right now...

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited November 2014

    ((((((gentle hugs to you))))) You have come to the right place to help you get your "climbing gear" and be around supportive people who really understand what you are going through. Feel free to ramble as much as you need... we will listen! It is very normal to want to be alone, and maybe you could find a loving, calm way of expressing that need when it is there. We're all here for you!

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  • RMlulu
    RMlulu Member Posts: 1,989
    edited November 2014

    Violet - Breathe, so sorry that you are joining the club no one wants to join to face the mountain no one wants to climb. But you found this site which is full of valuable information and these threads have the greatest group of hiking buddies. Stay here! Don't goggle ivegotcancerimgoingtodie ...my BC team recommended this site and I'm ever so glad they did.

    Staying in the present is important. Focus on today! No need to run up a path you might not have to face. So breathe, focus on what you do know and know that you can do this and will be fine. The waiting and unknown play havoc on our thoughts and emotions. Ranting and venting here is ok...we are here...we get it...and we all have our moments. Big girl panties can be over rated.

    Update your profile with your data, check out the IDC Stage 1 threads. I'm approaching my 2 yr anniversary...the beginning is the hardest, waiting for a plan, path results, each treatment step, and just beginning a new normal.

    Check out your BC center and discover what services they provide...support group, social worker, exercise, massage, mediation, nutritional counseling, and so much more. Congrats that your BS got it all out and clear margins! That in itself is a big relief...

    Again breathe, we will be in your pocket {{{squeeze}}} now go blow some bubbles, dance through some leaves, and focus on people and things that make your heart smile!

    Sending calm confident thoughts&prayers. You got this and you will be ok.

    (((Hugs)))

    Cindy




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  • Violetphisch
    Violetphisch Member Posts: 15
    edited November 2014

    thanks so much.

    I randomly start crying. I feel foolish when that happens. Walking through whole foods and I just start crying .

    I have a wonderfully supportive boyfriend and family. That is good.

    Today has been hard because I should be getting my period in a day or so, so THAT isn't helping....aaarrrggghhh.

    Thanks for the support. It really does make a difference...<3

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited November 2014

    You may find these sources on our main site of use to get your 'climbing gear'.

    Besides sharing your experiences and learning from other members here at the boards, you may also want to take a look at the Breast Cancer 101section from the main site, which is designed to help you sort through all of the information on our site to find what is more relevant to you right now.

    Also reliable information on IDC — Invasive Ductal Carcinomawhere you'll learn about symptoms, diagnosis, treatment, etc.

    Possibly of interest too is the BRCA1 and BRCA2 Testing

    We hope this helps!

    The Mods

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  • blondiex46
    blondiex46 Member Posts: 5,712
    edited November 2014

    Violet u r normal, going through what most of have felt the same way.  I have fybroamoma in the 70s 3 of them they were removed then they stopped removing them. Cry anywhere  u want. What kind of work do u do. 

    There r good resources n wonderful caring people here.having a good support  system is really important. What is the status  now. U come, vent, join ask, whatever  we r here

    Me

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  • RMlulu
    RMlulu Member Posts: 1,989
    edited November 2014

    Violet - hope today was better and you had time to catch your breath.

    This path feels like a wild and crazy roller coaster...sometimes our hands our up in the air screaming with glee and other times we are squeezing the person next to us with our faces smashed into their chest...life is an amazing race...tears, screams, giggles, love...be kind to yourself today.

    It is all very surreal for months so PTSD is real...breathe!

    (((Hugs)))

    Cindy

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  • mdg
    mdg Member Posts: 3,571
    edited November 2014


    I am sorry you find yourself among us, but glad you came here for support.  I was the same way as you with random crying....you finally get over it though! :)  It is a long road, but you can get through it like so many other women here.  I also took time off work because the stress and hours were not worth it.  I wanted to focus on myself and getting healthy.  Take it one day at a time.  It will get easier in time.  I am almost 4 years out from my dx now and life is so much better!  Hugs!

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  • Violetphisch
    Violetphisch Member Posts: 15
    edited November 2014

    thanks for checking in. Today was what is now the new normal...waves of anxiety met with moments of calm and then an afternoon nap. I finally caved and toook 1/2 a Xanax for the anxiety.

    One issue ( and please do not judge), but right before my Dx, I was working with my GP to quit smoking. I have the script for Chantax, and had it all lined up to quit. Now, I feel like I was ready and this just threw me off the tracks. I know I need to for many reasons, but as an emotional smoker, this is just a big messed up ball. Each day I tell myself I won't smoke and then the "I HAVE CANCER" comes into my head and I freak out and reach for a cigarette. I don't want to smoke, but DAMN, under everyday circumstances it's hard and now with this....aaaarrrggghhhh

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  • glennie19
    glennie19 Member Posts: 6,398
    edited November 2014


    Hang it there, Violet. Take it one day at a time. We are here for you to vent!!  Totally understand that you want to talk to people who KNOW,, been there, done that. We are those people. Check out the IDC threads for sure. Try not to worry about BRCA until it comes back. Easy to say,, hard to do,, I know!

    ((hugs))

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  • RMlulu
    RMlulu Member Posts: 1,989
    edited November 2014

    Violet - hope today was better and you had time to catch your breath.

    This path feels like a wild and crazy roller coaster...sometimes our hands are up in the air screaming with glee and other times we are squeezing the person next to us with our faces smashed into their chest...life is an amazing race...tears, screams, giggles, love...be kind to yourself today.

    It is all very surreal for months so PTSD is real...breathe!

    (((Hugs)))

    Cindy

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