September 2014 Surgery Sisters

Awwwwwwwwwww. That's sweet.

I don't think God gives us cancer. We live in a human world, with human bodies and can get human diseases. I believe we can choose to find God's lessons in all of it if we choose. We can choose how to walk the journey. That doesn't mean in the end we won't succumb to the disease. 

Sandra, no platitudes from me, just a virtual hug.  

I'm Catholic and a regular Sunday mass-goer.  I have a hard time praying myself right now.  My prayer has been this: please let this cup of pain pass me by, but not my will but yours be done.  That way my prayer is answered either way.  

There is a movie called Sliding Doors, starring Gweneth Paltrow that is about how your while life can hinge on a split second event.  In her case, it's whether she catches a train or not.  The movie depicts both paths, in parallel.   I don't know what paths my life and the lives of those around me are going to take as a result of this disease, but perhaps this is some sort of necessary event.   That's part of what gets me through the night.

Noonrider,

Luckily I stopped my mastectomy pain meds day three so I have quite a few Percocet and oxycodone. Trust me, if I hurt I won't hesitate.  

Quick update... more on October surgery thread .   Doing ok & pain manageable if sitting here lol   It's not an easy journey but this is one more hurdle down.   I will find out what else is in store Nov 12.   Gentle hugs to all!

Enlm, I hope a drink doesn't hurt...cause I've had many in the last year since all this mess started.  Of course if you are taking prescription drugs, that could be a different story. Hey, Iloverollercoasters says she "drank the entire day" so you could ask her. (wink-wink)

Sjacobs, we have a lot in common. I'm Catholic too and Sliding Doors is one of my all time favorite movies! Thanks for the memories.

Su, hope your pain takes a permanent holiday soon. I've spent many an hour sitting in the recliner, trying to get enough courage to get up and go to the bathroom because I know it will hurt when I stand up. So far there have been no accidents, but it's been close sometimes.

On a different topic, yesterday I had my 4 week check up after surgery #5. My PS is cautiously optimistic that this last attempt at reconstruction will work. So far so good...but we've seen it fail before so I'm still holding my breath. He says the next 6-8 weeks are critical for internal healing so he doesn't want me to do anything to rock the boat (or rock the boobies.) Darn, guess I won't buy that trampoline after all. I'm in a very supportive but soft banded non-underwire bra at all times as per his orders, and will keep it up probably until the end of the year. (Took my Wacoal Awareness in to show him and got the thumbs up.) Although he has never required or even suggested a bra before, this time is my last chance so if he says this time it's needed, I'll do it. He says my left side absolutely will not tolerate another surgery. The skin is super paper thin and the pocket will not withstand another dissection. A latisimus dorsi muscle flap is the only procedure still in his bag of tricks but he doesn't want to have to do it because it's such a big surgery (his words) and he worries what will happen if I get another infection. Well, I SURE don't want to have LD flap surgery either, so we are in agreement there.

Although my implants are exactly the same size and style, the "never a problem" right side looks a good bit bigger than the troubled left. Yesterday the PS said it looks like that because the left IS smaller. The breast surgeon took nearly all the fat from that side during the BMX and left a very thin flap for the PS to work with on day one. My right side is perfect with the normal thickness so the implant on that side looks plump and rounded, even this soon after implant replacement. (I get new implants every surgery...safety reasons.) On me, implants take several months to get out of the ugly stage...but this time the right one is doing especially well, even though it got Alloderm too this time. The left one is a work in progress. After I lost the original implant, a TE stretched that already thin tissue to it's absolute max in order to grow enough new skin to cover another implant. The PS said three more surgeries made it even worse so when you look at the left side, you see simply the 410 gummy bear implant with the thinnest possible skin covering. So, the fact is, the two sides will never be even but after all is said and done, I'm just glad I still have a chance at a decent reconstruction look - asymmetry I can live with.

I've been encouraged by photos and reports from some of you here and on other threads who've had fat grafting. PS says yes, he will do that in surgery #6 and says it will be a "small surgery" compared to the others.(Maybe even an out-patient surgery? That would be SO cool.) Not counting those chickens before we see if anything is going to hatch. If we have another failure, I'm going to ask the PS to remove everything and just go flat. At least I'll know I gave it all I've got. There are photos on the picture forum in case any of you are members there. My thread is called Bottoming Out.

Sandra, I really hope this works out for you..you have been through enough!  The trampoline will ha

Ugh Ladies. I know I've been very quiet here, but following along with your stories.  I'm 5 weeks out from BMX (delayed reconstruction). I had a fair bit of necrosis on the right side like the size of my palm.  Thankfully it has been resolving itself instead of needing further surgery - I am so grateful for that... but I still need to bitch and moan... I am just having a hard time with it.  It's SO f'ing disgusting - it's like having 5 year old beef jerky on my chest that smells foul. It oozes nasty stuff so I am using these surgical pads that look like diapers under an ace bandage (loosely wrapped) to protect my clothes and keep the wounds clean. I have to clean it with alcohol swabs every day which is sometimes okay and sometimes I have to fight back gagging. I swear I just can hardly take it any longer and the BS says it will be months still before it's all healed. It IS getting better (probably about 1/3 - 1/4 the size it was and there is new pink skin) and I know I just need to hang in there, but it's just really hard sometimes. It's making it really hard for me emotionally to feel so gross for so long (and it seems like it is more gross lately than it was).    

Ugh. I'm sorry for dumping this gross-ness on you guys. I just don't know where else to talk about this - it's not the kind of thing you want to talk to people about at all really.  

Anyone else here experiencing this sort of thing? It sure would be nice to know I'm not the only one. :-/

Thanks Sandra. It actually isn't infected - it is just the healing process. The doc has watched it closely throughout the process and determined that my body is healing itself so we could avoid the debridement. It just takes time for the body to do it and it is gross. The healing / medical aspect isn't what bothers me. It's the emotional side of it. I'm just tired of it. I'm ready for all of the skin to be new and pink and move on with this process. It's happening, I just am struggling with patience. :-/

Mischeif very nice of you to ask. I hope you are doing well. I have been going to my physical therapy and it seems that if she massages and manipulates the TE enough that it moves over just enough that it is not resting on what seems to be a exposed nerve. That lasts about 2 days at a time or until I move wrong and the TE scoots. My surgeon says the only thing he can do is fix what ever is wrong at the exchange in December. Last night was a 2 hour of sleep night but got in to physical therapy this afternoon and instant relief. I have not posted on here because I read what a lot of the ladies are going through and it breaks my heart and makes me feel terrible for complaining about this nerve pain. Iloverollercoasters for instance, if I lived closer to you I would have brought you dinner and a couple bottles of wine by now! I know every ones journey is there own but mine feels like I got off to easy when I read some of your stories. Stay strong everyone and take it one day at a time. 

Thanks Smitty.  I'm having a rough time from chemo.  Lethargic, pretty depressed, and now enjoying a case of thrush.  Spend most of my time in a daze. Not sure how to snap out of it.  

Smitty, Good, I am glad to hear you have been able to get some relief, even if it is only intermittent. I experienced exposed nerve pain too...I found I really don't have a high tolerance for pain after all. 

I have one of the good husband's but we did have to have a little conversation first...After we found out I had cancer, every time I looked at him or he looked at me he looked so sad ! Like I was broken...even after we knew exactly what we were dealing with he still couldn't shake the sadness...which I should appreciate but I was trying to stay positive, we have 2 teenage kids. After weeks of what I felt like was "poor me, my wife has cancer" I finally told him he had to stop.  I had enough to worry about..I wasn't about to add him to the list.  He needed to snap out of it and follow my lead.  I went on and on I'm sure..kind of like now..  but the next day he was back to normal.   He is a great caregiver and really has stepped up.  His mother had BC 20 years ago and is doing fine..I thought that would have helped.  I have hear it is harder on the spouse than the one going through it because they can't really make it better.  But I don't know about that..but I do know our conversation helped a lot. I even got an apology which doesn't happen often enough!

Ugh, ilovecoasters,  sorry to here it has been so rough.   I hate that for you...

Noonrider, I read about others whose doctors prevented them from getting in the ocean or a pool for several MONTHS after surgery. Pools can have all kinds of bad germs I've heard. What does your doctor say?

I doubt they would put another drain in. You'd have to go back into the OR for that, although it would be an outpatient procedure most likely. What the doctor would do is just take out the fluid with a needle. Many, many others have had this done without problems. It's just a pain in the neck to have to go back every week until the amount is low enough for the body to absorb it.

Great to hear you are back on track noon!

Ladies, I need your help. My exchange surgery is scheduled for December 12. I thought I had persuaded my parents, who live on the other side of the country, that I wouldn't need around-the-clock care like I did after the mastectomy. But they're starting to get nervous because I live alone. I'm confident that my friends can handle whatever care I might need for a few days after the surgery. Those of you who have had the exchange surgery, can you share what your recovery was like and give me some ammunition to convince my parents once and for all that one of them doesn't need to fly out for this.