Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?

Hi everyone

The sightseeing has calmed down some, but now trying to see as much family as possible. Going to lunch with my cousin who is really more of a sister, then the mall for dinner with my sister and niece and her boys, who are very eager to spent time with me- unfortunately,  I fear it is my iPad they want, not me. 

Had to chime in about the holidays- used to love Christmas when the kids were young, except for the fighting over money spent. Thanksgiving was fun, but it was always just our immediate family, so it was a major dinner for the same people I cooked for every day. 

Holidays really lost their joy for me when my son moved to NC 8 years ago. The table was incomplete. All I saw was the empty space, even though the table was full. The first year my husband passed, I think Tracy & I painted a room Thanksgiving day.

Now with children and grandchildren in 3 different states, I hate the holidays, and having to choose who to be with. Right now, I think I will spend Thanksgiving with Tracy in Fl, otherwise, she will be totally alone. On Christmas, I am actually thinking of spending Christmas morning in Fl with the 3 grandchildren there, because I think Victoria and Kayden are the best ages to watch open gifts, 9 & 5, then fly that day to SC, to see Lucia, then end up in Atlanta by New Years. Not exactly relaxing, but that's the way it is. 

Anne

I put up 4 trees-family and our son and the grandgirls. I've tried to give the girls' trees and ornaments to their parents but that hasn't worked yet. I think one more year and they can do their own in their room at home. Gifts for someone on an Angel Tree has always been important. The children's program at church is always fun and entertaining. This year, I am anticipating special performances from the grandgirls. The menu is different every year but I always make a chocolate pound cake in a special ribbon pan that was a gift years ago and we have fresh from the oven blueberry muffins first thing in the morning. Oh, Christmas music all day, then it is done til next year.

Christmas for us is mainly a meal at someone's house -- whomever is not working and feels up to it.  Most of anyone who joins in is more than willing to make a dish or two to bring along and usually will.  We have all been responsible for many holiday meals and know what a chore it can be -- and how delightful it is if someone is willing to do salads, another a special side dish, and someone else the desserts.  As much as the holiday it is a chance to get together with some of the family who work so much that we don't see them with any regularity at all, even though we live so close to them.

Sometimes Dh and I will choose something for each other -- but we are more in tune to just getting what we need when we need it.  That might be a week before or even after Christmas.  So, we finally grew up and stop focusing on the gifts and just learned to appreciate being able to share an afternoon with our big family and then come home tired and happy for it. 

Jackie

Carole - 99.9% of my family has always lived elsewhere so it always meant mailing gifts.  No little kids anywhere so I switched a number of years ago to sending each couple a "plant a tree" pewter ornament from the National Wildlife society or Plow & Hearth.  You buy the ornament - they plant a tree so the cause is good.  And the ornaments are flat & can be sent in a padded envelope which really helps w/mailing costs.  

It's been a long time since anyone has been at my house for Christmas.  I usually have a restaurant meal with my ex-husband and every 4 years or so I go to my son's in CA.  I have tickets for several special performances.  As for decorating, I have a Swedish Candle Tree that I put on my buffet & maybe hang a wreath.  I went through all my 6 Christmas boxes earlier this year and got it down to one box.  I donated most things to the Battered Women's group & will be sending a few ornaments to family members.  Sad but I might as well sort the stuff as leave it sitting in the attic.

This is NOT my house!  

I remember as a kid, on Christmas, my parents would always block the view of the gifts with curtains until we finished breakfast. And the neighborhood moms would all get together so one year we would all get bikes, another year skates, another doll carriages etc. I remember the year of the doll carriages. My sister and I didn't get any, but as soon as we walked out of the bldg to go down the street to my grandmothers, the other 4girls were all outside with their new ones. We were so jealous! When we got to our grandma's, our doll carriages were there waiting for us- much nicer ones than any of the friends carriages. Years later, I learned that my parents simply could not afford them and my grandmother offered to get them for us, with the agreement that she could see our faces when we first saw them. 

The other thing that stands out about gifts concerns my husband. He loved me, but hated shopping for anything, especially without me. The first Christmas, we had only been married a few months, and I tried to explain that the gift didn't matter- what mattered was that he made the effort to get me something. On Christmas Eve, he went to the local drug store and bought everything in sight, including perfume, which he hated me wearing. Years went by with awful gifts from him, or more often, no gift at all. He would always take me to pick my own gift if I mentioned something I might like. His excuse was he had no idea what I wanted. By the time Nancy was about 13, I had had it with the excuses, so I made him a list of reasonably priced gifts I would like, again stressing that for me it was the surprise that I really wanted. He gave the list to Nancy with money and had a friend of ours take her shopping. I got everything on the list. You live and learn, so after that,my list started with nail polish, and ended with a new car. I put some things I really wanted, like books I wanted to read, but also put in lots of stuff that either was too expensive or that he would have no clue where to get. Both of us were finally happy- he didn't have to think of a gift, and I got surprises ( to a degree). Once Nancy started driving, the lists stopped. He gave her money and she knew what I liked, so I was totally surprised. 

Off to get my nails done with my sister and cousin...

Anne

the last two days have been really miserable weather.  Lots and lots and lots of rain.  Hopefully it'll taper down tomorrow, as I am going to be out and about.  Getting a pedicure, hair cut and a massage at three different locations.  You'd think I could have lumped 'em up, but it would have cost about three times as much - so it's an out and about spa day for me.

Holidays are pretty laid back for us ever since my Dx.  We may have a relative over, but generally it's just us - none of our grandkids are close, so we just send them presents - though this year, those presents may be gift cards so they can buy their own.  Hubby likes turkey, so I generally roast one up.  This year we are on a very limited diet - no dairy, sugar, grains, or potatoes, so no stuffing, mashed potatoes or pie.  However, yams are good, and we eat lots of vegies.  I also came up with a pumpkin "custard" using sugar pumpkins, eggs and coconut milk.  Once we cut out sugar it's amazing how sweet things without it taste. 

Choose Inner Peace. Nothing is worth losing your inner peace. Take action as circumstances require, but never surrender your inner peace. Stop. Breathe deeply.  Close your eyes and breathe deeply again.  Then, and only then, take action - from a peaceful heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anne -- that was really funny about your Dh and his "problems" choosing some sort of gift for you.  Sounds almost as 'clever' (  not  ) as mine getting me, of all things a plastic jewelry box.   It was a great gift but I'm sure from what I am certain was a totally crestfallen look, he likely realized that it was not the thrill of my life Plastic in those kinds of items is not at all my thing.  I set it aside in my closet and continued to use my old beat up one -- and when it had sat there long enough --- it went in the TO Go to Goodwill box.  

Not sure but I think very few men bother to learn what REALLY thrills women.  Likely because we are all so different.  GG -- I am with you.  A great pr. of pj's or slippers and I am un-believably happy and content. 

 GG, I am steadily working on my sugar addictions -- am pretty in charge of most, save for cookies and ice cream.  Cooler weather will help with the ice cream -- cookies are a different matter.  Dh always keeps them on hand as he takes medicine and wants something in his stomach.  This is an art form for him that he perfected some time back -- switching to crackers ( which is what I'd probably do ) is not in the cards for him.   Most other things I can usually be somewhat reasonable about. 

I do think something is in some of those cookies ( won't name a brand but they have two sides with lots of filling in the middle )  that make it nearly impossible, at least for me, not to desire more.  Eating one or two -- yes, I can, but if I'm still in their vicinity, there will be more to follow -- and the feeling of wanting more is really coming directly from the ones I just ate.  I'm in touch with myself enough to know that.  Just not starting is my key, or only having one or two if I'm ready to leave the house.  Still, too often I'm foolish and allow myself to "take" the challenge I almost always lose -- no more than two.

Teacher, our temps will go up slightly which will be nice for our Halloween parade that takes place on Saturday night.  In fact, quite nice, but they will start fairly soon after being more on the coolish side.  I'll be calling the next three days or so I guess -- Indian Summer for us, but it sounds like a pretty short-lived one.  At least those who go to the parade will be a bit more comfy. 

Happy Friday all.

Blessings

Jackie

This photo of a barred owl and a jack-o'-lantern was taken from Facebook.

Puffin! You have hair! love the picture.

My husband is a thoughtful gift giver. Once in a great while he gives me something I tuck away to "re-gift", but most of the time he gets it right. Twenty years ago we agreed to NOT buy anything for each other, just for the kids. He cheated and got me a few things but I stuck to the rules and didn't get him anything. It was awful. I felt guilty that he was the only one with nothing. We never did that again.

If there is something I'd like, I tell him now. Or better yet, I buy it, hand it to him and say, "Wrap this up and give it to me for Christmas." He will do the same. Still there has to be a few surprises - usually a book I know he will like, or a T-shirt with a funny saying. (Last year I gave him one that said, "I may be old, but at least I got to see all the COOL bands." He loved it.) I love coming up with perfect gifts for my family. They always enjoy the crazy things I find for their stockings. I keep an eye out all year and stash things away.

Last year on Christmas I was only a couple weeks post op from surgery #3, my toughest to recovery. Mike brought in a small artificial trees for the sideboard in the dining room. That was our only tree and we spread gifts out across the sideboard. He threw a string of lights across the front bushes and that was it for decorations. He cooked a delicious traditional turkey dinner and cleaned up afterwards. What a guy.

The loving energy that I radiate into this world
is a gift beyond my own understanding.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Happy Birthday Wren! 

So sorry I am so late- been out all day with my older brother looking at foliage and having a late lunch.

Anne

Chevy - be careful w/the black nail polish.  I put it on once for the taxotere infusions before I iced on the advice of some other sisters.  I took forever to get the black out of the ridges in my nails & the cuticles & under the nails, etc.  So in addition to all the other SEs, my nails looked dirty.

Carole - hoping all goes OK with your husband's tests.

Wren - happy B-day. 

Wren, I hope today was wonderful ... have a Happy Year.