Where to go for treatment

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Fundytide1
Fundytide1 Member Posts: 2
edited October 2014 in Just Diagnosed

I was diagnosed Sept. 17 ..need rt lumpectomy and 3 weeks radiation..surgery not until Nov 17 th as surgeon on vacation and only one available here.

My husband of 47 yrs died 10 months ago and had just stopped crying..except for the odd wave that comes over me when I least expect it.

    I don't know if I am in denial or what but apart from a few tears when the surgeon confirmed the biopsy results, I feel nothing could be as bad as losing my life partner and this is just something that will get fixed...I wonder if it will hit me later..maybe I have no tears left. I cried after my husband died every time someone offered sympathy, when I had to mail documents at the post office, when I had to call utilities to get the bills put in my name...I couldn't say that he died without crying...

It's funny to read how we don't like having red face and puffy eyes so that helps control the crying...I used slow breathing techniques which made the crying sessions shorter..

This site , with all the sharing of personal experiences is very helpful..it seems everyone cries at some point

Being a retired Public Health nurse and mental health clinician ,before retirement, I found/find, that it's hard to be the receiver of kindness and sympathy rather than the giver, but am getting better at that.

My 2 adult children want me to go to their city for the surgery and radiation so I will have family around me..in Ontario, as I live alone now in rural N.B.   I have friends here who will drive me an hour to the hospital and help at home if I need it....not sure what to do but have to decide this week if I can get a surgeon in Ottawa.   Will likely feel less independent if I go to my kids and worrying about follow up if I don't stay here for all the treatment

Has anyone gone to another province for treatment and received follow up at their home province...Any thoughts or experience to share....thank you

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  • JustALurker
    JustALurker Member Posts: 1
    edited October 2014

    Hi, Fundytide1!

    I know that a lot of people saw your post, but I couldn't believe no one responded to it, so I decided I'd jump in even though I may not be qualified to do so. The reason being, I never had breast cancer and so am very inexperienced in many ways. However, my mother was a breast cancer survivor. Due to this, I am at a high risk for having it too, and decided to join this forum to better educate/prepare myself.

    First of all, I am very sorry about the loss of your husband. Forty-seven years is quite a long time! You and he were very lucky to have one another. Remember that he is and will always be with you in your mind and heart.

    I'm also sorry about your diagnosis. You seem like a very independent woman and I know exactly how you feel. Your two children wanting you to go to their city for surgery/radiation tells me that they love you very much. Perhaps try to set aside your desire of independence and let them take care of you? Let them pamper you for a change! ;) If you go through this alone, the stress may get to you and stress usually isn't good for healing process. While it's wonderful having friends who are willing to help you, it's not the same as having your kids helping you, I think.

    Sorry I couldn't be of much help. Just know that there's at least one person on this forum who's seen your post and is thinking of you. Please let me/us know of your progress! I have lurked this forum for a while and it is indeed a wonderful place of information and support.

    Wishing you the best of luck especially for your surgery! Sending a lot of positive vibe your way. I hope everything goes well for you. I believe that "laughter is the best medicine", so try to read or watch something funny and/or do something fun before and after your surgery. ;)

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  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 6,197
    edited October 2014

    Fundytide, I have only just come across your post and like Justalurker, I can't understand how no one had answered you either. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how awful it must be to lose someone you have so much history with. 

    I am not the one to be advising on whether to go elsewhere for your treatment. I had just moved to a small coastal town when I was Dx. My Daughter came here to help out when I had my Umx surgery. My husband is a quadriplegic from a hang gliding accident over 37 years ago. I had decided to stay and do whatever surgery or treatment I needed in the region and it worked very well for me.

    I am sure there are others who will come, since this has been bumped up. I just hope you are still checking in to see if you've received any answers. We are usually more on the ball with welcoming new members, I do apologize and welcome you to BCO, it really is a great place for support and advice should you need it.

    Please let us know how you are getting on!

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  • Sjacobs146
    Sjacobs146 Member Posts: 770
    edited October 2014

    my situation is very different than yours, but I will say that this is not the time to be a tough girl.  If your family wants to support you by having you stay with them for a while, then do it.  

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  • Nash54
    Nash54 Member Posts: 837
    edited October 2014

    Fundytide....I think the lack of response has been that this is a tough call.  I did not have to make that decision so I don't feel qualified to give any advice.  You bring up a good point about the follow-up...I would prefer to have my follow-up with the surgeon/team who treated me.  I feel that the rapport with your team is very important.  I plan on being life-long friends with my Onc.  

    So sorry about the loss of your spouse but how incredible that you had all those years and obvious love for each other.

    I always try to follow my gut instincts...usually serves me well.

    Blessings.

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