Can't stop crying

Hello Kellymaron! I am so sorry you've had to come here, but very glad you have found us. Please don't beat yourself up about what you could'a, should'a, would'a.

 You won't have a definitive answer as to what you are dealing with, till you have had a biopsy. Although radiologists are used to looking at these things and can have an idea of what it is, it's the job of the Pathology lab to find the Dx. The vast majority of these breast issues do turn out to be benign. 

The waiting is a dreadful time, we as humans don't do fear of the unknown very well! Please try to take a breath and just keep busy till you get some answers. Come here often, stay away from Dr Google, that will just scare you.

This is a great place to wait, there are many women here. who have been exactly where you are right now. I am sure there will be some along soon, to give you support while you wait for answers. Take it easy.   

hi KellyMaron, as I type this I am sitting in the hospital 3 days post op from a double mx and diep reconstruction.   I was dx'd in August and your post brought me to tears. I have been doing exactly what you are doing now for the last 2-3 months.  I have a 6 year old & 4 yr old twins so I am empathetic with your struggle.  Please talk to your doctor or local hospital and find some local resources.  Right now you need hand holding and comfort.  My heart aches for you now simply because I understand your emotions.   Make your appointment and take each step one at a time. Be vigilant.  Ask questions. Use this site!!!  Reading others post helped me make the decision that was best for me.  The information here is priceless.  More importantly, hug those kiddos and stay as strong as you can.  They will drive you to get through this and make the decisions that work best for your family.  Feel free to PM me. 

Kellymaron (and osfan).  I am so glad you came here to express this guilt.  I just mentioned to another poster that some say we cut our problem in half if we just tell someone about it.  And this is a great place to scream without being judged.  Everyone here understands. I was age 46 and the single Mother of a 13 year old.  The only thing I could think of was her future.  I never once worried about myself.  I did not, however, blame myself.  And that's pretty unusual because I am the queen of guilt. Know that many of the women on here had no risk factors (me included), and most breast cancer is discovered in women with no family history. You simply must not add to your stress by thinking that you were negligent.  You were not!  Period.  Just think of all the people who have no access to screening tests like we do, or cannot afford them, or lived in a time or place when they are/were not available.  We cannot possible know everything that is happening in our bodies.  Maybe someday, when the "scanner" (is that what it was called...Trekkies?) from Star Trek can just go over our bodies and diagnose us, we'll have a reason to feel guilty.  Until then...try your best to back up and take this one step at a time. Don't borrow trouble if you can help it.

First and foremost - you have not been diagnosed with cancer.  This forum is full of women who are scared because they've had a "finding" (of course; who wouldn't be), but who end up with a giant sigh of relief when it turns out to be a cyst or other benign finding. It happens constantly.  So try not to put the cart before the horse. Right now, I can feel lumps in my breast that I'm certain aren't a problem at all. And, when I did have cancer, it wasn't something I could feel at all.  So try to take it one step at a time.

And, if and when your radiologist is correct (mine wasn't by the way - she was certain it was not cancer, but it turned out to be), then take a big breath and dive in.  We'll all be here to help you through it. It sounds like a small area, and most types are quite treatable.  In fact, when my own oncologist, when she cut me free after my anti-hormonal treatments, labeled me "basically cured."  Those are some words to try and hang onto and look forward to. 

All the best as you await your results, and be sure to come here anytime. There are a lot of experienced, knowledgeable, supportive people ready to hold your hand whenever you need it.

Kelly the waiting game is the worst, good luck,  we r here, n crying is okay 

Don't be so hard on yourself....I had a clear mammogram and then found a lump a few months later.  I had it checked out and was told it was fine...come back in 6 months.  When I went back...they said it no longer looked benign.  I kicked myself for not getting a biopsy immediately.  I had no family history and was very healthy.  My son was only 4 when I was diagnosed.  I was as scared as you sound now.  Hang in there.....please, take it one step at a time.  My son is now 8 and I am doing great.  Hugs!

I am new to this site.  I was told I had bc at lunch at work by phone!  Almost vomitted on the floor!  Will never forget the date 9/8/14 or the feeling of disbelief.   Went into a black hole and entered the grief stages of shock, anger, denial, bargaining, acceptance.  But still reeling in the first 2 levels, mostly anger.  Not bargaining with anyone or accepting cancer as a given thing altho it changes your life 4 ever.  Had surgery now waiting for oncotype results so Doc can plan treatment. Find out all you can, ask the Doc to explain the pathology report, keep a file of all questions and get copies of all the medical records.  Take someone with you to write down answers to all your questions, and to act as a support person.  

On a lighter note, here is what helped me then and now: Get some great rock and roll music like the Rolling Stones or David Bowie or Billy Idol or whoever you like, get in your car and turn up the volume. Or do the same and dance like a crazy nut in the kitchen.  Somehow it helps with the anger.  

Once you get some answers and direction, things may settle down a bit.  Am hoping for the best for you.

Cookies, I had a clear mammogram and 9 months later was diagnosed with breast cancer that was 1.7 cm. Like someone said earlier, you could have had a mammogram a year ago and it still may not have shown up until now. Just concentrate on dealing with whatever results you get (hopefully benign).  Good luck and ask your  Dr. for something for anxiety if you need it.

Been there.......recently. Diagnosed on Sept 29 of this year and I'm still crying on a regular basis. From reading these boards, I think that is pretty normal. The others are right, try not to beat yourself up about this. 

I had a mammogram every year since I was 40 and I'm in the same sucky boat you're in. Still trying to find those "big girl panties" and pull them up. It is overwhelming some days, but I'm told it will get better and I'm holding on to that. 

hi

I was diagnosed with stage 4 mets in my lungs and bones 4 months ago. I hadnt bothered to have scans for the last 9 years. I have been in remission for those years.  I am fit, healthy and a runner. When I got the latest results I cried for weeks.

But crying and beating yourself up, although understandable will get you nowhere! I had BC in 1998 and I am still here!. Get some anti depressants from your doc, I am on Lexipro, works a treat, tell your girlfriends, dont go it alone. Keep busy, listen to music, you are not going to die. I am on my 4 th go around with cancer! There are meds out there that will save us both. Talk to your local cancer society, get support.

I feel epic. I am on meds with no side effects, the lung cancer lesions have disappeared and the bone cancer is stable. I still run every 2nd day!

Chin up, take control, jump into action! 

Love Paula. 

Thanks for the inspiring messages and wonderful suggestions on how to gather strength and hope! Keep them coming