BEFORE REQUESTING ACCESS FOR PICTURE FORUM
Comments
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The Mods agreed, but they need to check with nowheregirl and Lilah to be sure....
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I think that's a great idea. So I'm putting this post out there before the thread closes. If you want to join our Picture Forum, PLEASE send a private message to me -- Lilah -- or to Nowheregirl after reading the header of this thread. Thanks!
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Well, I was aware what you girls were talking about but didn't post as I wasn't really sure what would be the best idea. I received a PM from the Mods and asked if I would agree, and still I am not sure. I am not convinced that it would be a good idea to have this thread closed and make it "read only".
The main reason why I am not convinced is that I know people just don't read. Even when their request is granted, a number of people wouldn't really read what I say. They would just register their account, then after a while, they would complain why they still don't get full access and why their account isn't validated as if I was the one who forgot to do what I had to do.
So if we had this thread closed, yeah people would be forced to read what I originally posted in the first post. But would they really read every single thing I said? Sadly I don't really think so. They would just skim through the first few lines and PM me or Lilah as soon as they get our names. Then they would ask what was already answered in my post. I am afraid that it could be a matter of who has to answer their questions or explain things. As long as this thread is open, I or Lilah could ignore what's not worth answering. But if it came in private, it would be hard to ignore. Been there done that.
Having said all this, part of me think that maybe we should close this thread and see what happens. I am just not so sure!!! All I can say is why people don't read!!!!! *lol*
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It seems like all of the newbie posts are asking for entrance to the Pic Forum. So this leaves them no other recourse BUT to read the thread header. You could put this at the very top of the header:
YOU MUST READ THIS ENTIRE THREAD! PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT THE GATEKEEPER(S) IF YOU HAVE NOT READ, FULLY UNDERSTAND AND AGREE TO THE CONDITIONS AND REQUIREMENTS CONTAINED IN THIS THREAD.
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Nowheregirl, I probably shouldn't comment since I haven't been on your site for years now, but on the other hand, I was one of your early members and I recall the problems you had getting people to actively participate on your site, rather than just go there for a look and see. I also remember the debates we had about privacy and access. Active participation, by posting and sharing one's own pictures and experiences, is what keeps your site going, and following the rules is what keeps your highly personal & private site safe and secure. Whenever I read this thread (or your previous thread), I can't help but think that those who don't read your post (i.e. those who request access by posting here rather than sending a PM to you or Lilah) should be instantly disqualified from membership, or at least disqualified for a period of time. Hearing that some people who you contact still don't follow your rules further reinforces my position. Yes, it's harsh, but if someone can't follow or doesn't bother to read the simple directions and explanations here, can they really be expected to abide by the rules and directions on your site?
That said, I think that locking this thread, and maybe putting one final post, in CAPS and BOLD, that says "This thread is now locked. PLEASE READ THE ORIGINATING POST FROM NOWHEREGIRL TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE PICTURE FORUM AND THE CRITERIA REQUIRED TO BE ELIGIBLE FOR ACCESS" might help get more women to read your post, follow the directions and understand that access isn't automatically given just by requesting. And then I would recommend that if you have not already done so, you and Lilah set up some template answers that you can cut and paste into any response whenever someone PMs you without having read all of your post here, or without having the proper qualifications to be given access to the forum.
And thank you, Nowheregirl, and thanks to you too, Lilah, for maintaining and managing this incredibly valuable resource for so many years.
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Beesie....
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I think when people are in a panic they do not take time to read all the instructions. I can see nowheregirl's point in keeping the thread open for posting because of the PM issue. For the person receiving those PMs, it could become very distressing. Perhaps simply cutting and pasting nowheregirl's original post in reply to each of these requests would help.
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Marple - that is a very kind and compassionate way of looking at the situation of newbies not taking the time to read nowheregirl's explicit and articulate instructions. You are to be commended for your thoughtfulness.
However, in my three years on the Picture Forum, it seems that those least likely to follow directions here are also the least likely to actually PARTICIPATE on the Picture Forum.... thereby turning our very personal and poignant pics and stories into just another impersonal Gallery for the curious passerby.
I understand that it should be easy to just cut and paste a standard response to those who do not read the header, but it has become a very frequent occurrance, and we all try to pitch in and redirect newbies.
Nowhwheregirl and Lilah continue to devote their time to the cause, even when the demands get overwhelming. For that we are extremely grateful.
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Beesie -- great suggestion. I think if we put THIS at the end of this thread and THEN close the thread, it should help reduce the number of PMs (which we get anyway, by the way) for access from people who have just joined and/or never posted here on BCO.
"This thread is now locked. PLEASE READ THE ORIGINATING POST FROM NOWHEREGIRL TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE PICTURE FORUM AND THE CRITERIA REQUIRED TO BE ELIGIBLE FOR ACCESS"
If it is the last thing people see -- they will SEE it.
With that said, I'm fine with whatever Nowheregirl wants to do (including leaving this thread open). -
As much as I respect and appreciate what you are trying to do, the time frame for approval is totally out of synch to be useful, sensitive or reasonable for people like me, who despite having a past membership and relationship to these boards while supporting my sister, saluki, was told in essence "Our need to protect the group trumps your need to see from reliable sources, what you might look like if you go through with your scheduled DIEP surgery in two weeks. About 100 supportive posts to others might just do it. keep in touch" I know I sound bitter but someone who has spent the year fighting for her life with dense dose chemo, double mastectomy and failed expanders might not have the internal resources to start showing her ability to support others with a good will gesture of ,say, maybe 100 posts. There's surely got to be a better way. Thank God, last week I survived my 12 hour surgery with the support of the Facebook DIEP forum.
respectfully, stinkiesissie
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stinkiesissie,
My sympathy for all that you've gone through. Please realize, however, that the picture forum is not part of bco but is privately operated and maintained. Their forum, their rules.
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While women are awaiting access to the Pictures Forum, I can find hundreds of photos of various types of reconstruction on the internet. I come across them every day in my research. Here is one example:
DIEP FLAP RECONSTRUCTION PHOTOS
Dr. Robert Allen was the pioneer of the DIEP flap, and his photos are available also. His website has interesting information regarding who might be a candidate for DIEP or other flap procedures.
If you have any concerns about how some other procedure might look, while you are a lady-in-waiting, please message me and I will help you find photos.
Deborah
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We are not asking for 100 posts. We are only saying that a few posts might not be enough. And we are not asking you to support others when you already have enough to deal with either. Actually what you talk about in your post doesn't really matter as long as it shows that you are a legit person with this disease and you are not just playing around in the game section of these boards.
Believe it or not, my life would be so much easier and happier if I didn't have to see who was asking for access and I could just automatically give them access. I am happy for you that you have people to support you on Facebook but not everyone feels comfortable and safe to post photos of any kind on the site like FB, especially their most intimate ones, which is why I was asked to create our forum in the first place. As much as I want our forum to be able to help as many people like us as possible, I must not forget why our members can share their most private part of life and photos on our forum.
And please realize that we don't have as many people nor resources to maintain the whole thing as the site like FB does. In fact, apart from one woman (Lilah) who has been working as a gatekeeper for me, I am the only one who has to do everything to maintain the forum. Yeah there may be a better way but I can only do what I can. And trust me, I am just an ordinary single woman who is still taking Tamox and Lupron while working full time without anyone to support me in any way.
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Oh BTW it appears that the hosting company that our site is on is having some serious trouble. Their company site is down and while our forum is accessible as of now, I can't log in to my account. In fact, I can't get in to the site admin section to fix things. I am afraid that some of the files that are essential for our forum could get corrupted but at least I did the entire site backup a couple of days ago.
So please ladies, don't panic if you can't get on the forum. And I would suggest you not to try to log in to your account more than 3 times if you got an error, in case the server security system is still working. If it is, then you can be regarded as a threat and be banned.
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With all due respect to nowheregirl who created this thread and Lilah who serves as her gatekeeper ... And having respect for a few of you longer timers who I have interacted with on various threads - now for a couple of years myself ....
I don't believe that banning someone from the picture forum because they posted a request in BCO or shouting in caps at someone to read the thread header is helpful to anyone.
It goes without saying to all of you who know that women and men come to BCO often frightened, scared, discombobulated, lacking sleep, some without any other support.
I was neither sleep deprived nor overly frightened but my first post (which had nothing to do with pictures and picture forums) was kindly moved to an appropriate forum because I had no idea all the ins and outs of BCO. Perhaps there were old timers back then shaking their heads at my stupidity or inability to follow directions - but thankfully I never heard about it.
I'm type A and a "read the directions" kind of person, but I didn't get it "right". And there are plenty of others out there who don't get it right either - sometimes over and over again.
So yes ... the instructions say to private message and on this thread there are actually links to nowheregirl and Lilah - but not everyone is tech savvy enough to know to click on those & still might miss the "send a private message" part.
From what I've read, nowheregirl doesn't seem the type of person to exclude someone because they are having difficulty with technology.
Perhaps a little less exasperation expressed by others would be helpful to others.
Just my thoughts.
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Thanks for your input, dltnhm. Before I say anything, just let me get it straight. While we do ask people not to post a request here or anywhere else on BCO, we have never banned anyone because they did. We are simply saying that your request is not valid unless it's sent via private message. We have never banned anyone actually for any reason whatsoever and never will unless they break our only one rule, which is not to disclose the site information. Yes we have temporarily revoked a few members but that was because they posted a direct link to their photo posted on our forum without knowing that it could disclose our forum's URL and we got them back in as soon as they removed the link in their post on BCO. Posting in caps doesn't get you banned either. Yes it may take longer to be approved as we need to see if you are someone who only thinks about being heard or you are just frightened but either way, it's not a big issue as long as we can see that you are legit.
Yes I realize that some people don't even know the easy terms such as private message etc or how to get ahold of me or Lilah to ask for access. Don't get me wrong here, I don't see any less of them because of it. However I need them to educate themselves. They could ask if they didn't know, right? I am afraid that they wouldn't be able to create their account, let alone navigate on our forum if they weren't willing to learn.
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nowheregirl - Problems with the technical side of the Picture Forum? Sheesh! Just what you need!
Thank you again, from the bottom of our hearts - for not only starting the Picture Forum, but for maintaining it all these years when you have so many other things going on in your life!
And many thanks to Lilah, too, for the terrific work you both do to keep our private pictures and stories private. It takes a huge leap of faith to post the things we do over there, and knowing that you are watching out for us is a huge relief.
whippetmom - great idea to post other links besides the Picture Forum! Many posters really are just looking for photo galleries for ideas and information.
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Chiming in here, absolutely no one has ever been told they have to post 100 times (that's ridiculous). It's important to both Nowheregirl and myself to protect the privacy of our members. We have very limited criteria. We ask only that people establish a record of membership and participate here first, enough to show a willingness to share and be supportive through their posts here. Seems pretty reasonable to me. Everyone who PMs me is either accepted (because criteria met) or encouraged to keep posting and to write again when criteria HAS been met. The Picture Forum is a privilege, frankly, not a right. And as others have posted, there are plenty of other places where pictures can be seen for those who choose not to accept/accede to our extremely reasonable terms. I wish everyone here a healthy recovery and beautiful reconstructions.
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When I needed to get access, I followed the directions and was given permission....no problem. You would think most people had been active on the site before working up to the point of needing to see pictures.... But who knows. Now I can't remember how...chemo brain, but I don't need it anymore. All done with recon.
But, I just wanted to say THANK YOU to the two ladies who take their personal time to run and safeguard the pictures.
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Hi,
I was just diagnosed a few weeks ago by my primary physician and just had my first appt with my oncologist yesterday. I meet my surgeon on Monday and so I have LOTS to think about and research so I can decide lumpectomy vs. masectomy or even double masectomy. Thank you for providing this valuable resource! I'm very grateful as well to those who have shared their journeys. I will PM you and wait for your respectful decision to join. Thank you!
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I have sent two pm' s since November and got no response....no no, no yes, no nothing. I have been reading on the breast cancer site since my diagnosis in May. I was a bit intimidated because I don't get all the Dx jargon listed after each post. I kind of get most of it now but I certainly don't know how to type it out each time I post so I don't post. I thought I posted twice but cant find those posts.
I am 47 diagnosed with IDC Triple negative. I had double mastectomy in June with tissue expanders. Started chemo in August. I had my I'll implant exchange on December 4th and wanted to see what to expect. Sure I can see pics by searching Google but they mostly show people that look nothing like me. I suppose PS put up the best results. My mastectomy looked like a horror show with huge dents and I was afraid the exchange would too. I still have a small dent and am not really happy with the result. My PS tells me the dent will fill out. He is doing nipple reconstruction end of January. I'm afraid once that is done it will be too late to fix imperfections. I would like to post pictures of my surgeries and get an idea of what to expect.
I read the rules to join and it simply stated send a pm. I understand that is not a guarantee of joining but could I at least get a response? Also, how to find things Ive posted. I apologize if I missed something. The chemo did a number on my eyes and mind...not to mention neuropathy. Thank you for any help and consideration.
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apologies for not realizing how everyone had such detailed description after each post. I literally thought each one of you were typing all of that out each time. I feel like a nut. I have filed mine out now and figured out more. Hopefully my messages will be seen now and pm responded to. Thank you for patience.
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tiddlywinks,
Lilah and nowheregirl run the picture forum voluntarily. It is not part of bco. They may be busy with their lives, work and family etc. Patience is all I can suggest
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Thank you. I realize that. It has been well over a month since my private message so I was feeling ignored/slighted. I have filled out my profile now and learned the ropes a little more so maybe that will help. Maybe nowheregirl hasn't been active on here and not seen my pm? I'll try sending one to Lilah. I overreacted, but I admit it hurt my feelings to get no response. I never even considered she hasn't been online in a month. I know with my surgeries I have had off-line times so I can get that. Thank you again for your reply.
Addendum: After rereading the rules (yes I really did read them previously lol) I think I misinterpreted "if l ignore your request". I assumed that meant denied request not literally ignore. I have to take it now to mean: send pm...participate in groups and eventually you may get a response. Once again my apologies. I really didn't think ignore meant ignore. I sound like Bill Clinton when he said does that really mean that. Lol. So I'll be trying to be a productive member. I hope you all can give me a second chance.
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tiddlywinks: LOL....about the Bill Clinton analogy....
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Hi tiddlywinks. I think many are unaware of this feature, but if you look at the top of your private message page, there's a little on/off toggle which allows you to get email notifications if you have received a private message. Comes in really handy so you don't have to log in all the time to check if you have any. It's in real time. Really has nothing to do with anything posted here, but thought I'd let you know just in case you weren't aware of it.
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Thank you so much leggo! I'm learning...slowly but surely.
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lol now that I think about it Bill said "it depends on what is is" Right?
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Have there been any technical issues with the picture forum recently? I have been unable to log in for the past 3 days.
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