October 2014 Surgery Sisters

Today's Surgery Sister is mefrommcc. Wishing you all the best--you're likely not checking in here at this point of the morning, but know that we're with you!

I may not be back here today, so best wishes for tomorrow's Sisters, nancybel and Slavrich! Get yourselves a good rest today/tonight, if at all possible. And remember this: Breathe in, breathe out...  (I'm carrying that reminder with me today and probably for the rest of this week.)

Thank you. My surgery is not for another five hours. Two hours till the radioactive injection.

I'll be hugging my shoulders feeling your hugs.

ME 

Thanks for all the encouraging words....I'm not quite as bummed today. I have more time to get myself prepared, and get this house ready for me to be recuperating!  I just feel bad because I already took leave from work, just couldn't concentrate. The work-place was full of drama and stress right now, and when I would go to work feeling upbeat, I would immediately be under too much stress. Couldn't handle both loads right now. Oh well!

OS- I have seizures coming out of anesthesia. I do not have a seizure disorder, but whenever I have anesthesia I get horrible seizures and the last surgery I had they were awful. They have not yet isolated the agent responsible, and ativan usually helps calm them. Last time I told the anesthesiologist how to treat them and when I woke to seizures every 2-3 minutes and asked where the ativan was they didn't have any in the OR. It took 2 hours to get them stopped and I was extremely sore!  They came back 8 hours later when they were trying to get me to go home. So I ended up staying the night. I'm hoping it was just so bad because they waited so long to give me something to stop them. I have been proactive and seen a neurologist and he has made recommendations for me to stay overnight and how to medicate me as I wake from anesthesia. They also think it might have been worse last time because I had an inhaled agent.  UGH!! I won't ever feel comfortable going home same day anymore even though I hate the hospital!

When I read all your stories of surgery and reconstruction, I realize my surgery is much easier comparatively. I am hoping I only have to have one lumpectomy though....I see where some of you have had several. 

Have a good day everyone!

Thinking of you mefrommcc!    Wishing you speedy recovery and clear nodes!   I found that the radioactive injection was more of a stinging feeling.   The lovely blue dye that has now turned a lovely shade of green was injected when I was already under during surgery.   Hope you have the same!

So sorry your surgery was delayed ForHisGlory!   I found that I did so much more getting ready and felt really good about accomplishing them that I could relax more when back home.   Plus it kept my mind busy and not focussing so much on what was to come .

Thinking of you today, mefrommc.

Hummingbirdlover, this is the place to vent! I grieved over the loss of my breasts. I recently got pictures of my "before" from my PS and had another good cry. We all get it. I know it upsets my husband and son when I have my bad moments, so I try to hide it from them. It is such a Godsend to have a place where we don't have to be strong all the time and present a brave face to the world.

I think all of us have issues concentrating at work - I know I feel much better doing something active, such as housework or gardening. I do visualizations during those projects, too, tying the dusting or drawer cleaning or weeding (whatever) to killing and clearing out cancer cells. I don't do it the whole time but regularly. It may help, it may not. We'll see. My brother and a couple of friends did lots of visualizations and they're healthy again, so I figure it won't hurt. 

But it is hard to concentrate on work - some of it seems so unimportant right now and when it's very demanding, precise work it can be easy to be distracted, particularly on the days I telecommute. 

I do have some Ativan and my new surgeon's office told me to make SURE to let them know if I need anything more of that nature as well as anti-depressants. (That was nice.) I don't use it during the day as it makes me sleepy but it sometimes is useful at night. Just having it is reassuring. 

We all need to remember that this is a HUGE stressor on our bodies and it takes as much of a physical toll as emotional. That goes for our spouses and families, too. If you've already had surgery then you still have a chemical cocktail in your system that's affecting your emotions as well as your body. Just be really, really gentle with yourselves. I think it helps to think of the sadness as part of the healing - it's helping to work this out of your system. At the same time, we give up a part of our old lives when we go through surgery - and we don't know what the new life will be like. So of course we mourn. Why shouldn't we? But we will climb out of it in time and if Sandra keeps writing up her adventures we'll have something to laugh over from time to time and that will help. 

Assignment for today - be as kind, understanding and gentle with yourselves as you would be with your sister, mother, daughter or best friend. Tell your spouse (or whomever) how much you appreciate their support. Take deep breaths unless it hurts.

Hopeful, what a wise woman you are. Lovely post.

thank you Sandra for the tips

I have to massage them but it's not a " massage" I'm more pushing and holding in places for 10 second intervals...my right implant is stuck in arm pit because I had my lymph node biopsy at the same time!

So it's falling into that hole so to speak and it kills

Hoping that when I go to PS on Friday he has more tips to get it moved into place

Wishing I could sleep on my side, but just can't too painful yet!!!

Best of luck, ME. Thinking of you!

Humgingbird,

I could have written that post just a few weeks ago.  I couldn't focus at work, felt overwhelmed and unable to let go at home, was terrified of what was coming at me, sad about losing part of myself that I loved, unsure about what decision was right, while at the same time starting to feel like I wished it would just happen already so it could go from an unknown to a known.   I couldn't sleep without some kind of sleep aid and then not well anyway.  

For me this is the WORST part of this in many ways.   So far I'm on post op day #6 and I feel less overwhelmed.  I took a walk with my husband today and my mind is not constantly circling my diagnosis.  Instead I'm celebrating the small daily improvements.  I even sleep better.

You're almost there.  

I've been feeling exactly like that, but so angry!  I'm so sorry you are going through this! I am 34 years old, BRCA + and I was diagnosed with DCIS with B Cell diffuse lymphoma. I had my double mastectomy on August 21, 2014.

When I was 28, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I had an total hysterectomy when I was 24 due to a severe case of endometriosis. Apparently, a piece of ovary was not removed (ovarian remnant syndrome) and it became cancerous. It was removed in 2008. I thought all this was behind me until 6 years ago!! Then I was diagnosed with breast cancer this year. I had a nipple sparing mastectomy and was told I would be having an immediate reconstruction with an implant. I was NOT prepared for tissue expanders when I woke up from surgery!!! I've been so angry since them! I woke up from surgery angry!! I really think I should seek a therapist, but I live in eastern KY, and there aren't exactly any good therapists for this sort of thing around here. Does it help? I keep telling myself that things could be so much worse, but the anger stays with me. Sometimes I cry for no reason and I feel anxious and depressed. My husband won't touch me....he says for fear of hurting me because these tissue expanders aren't just uncomfortable for me, but PAINFUL... But I'm more self conscious than anything. I feel like he doesn't find me attractive anymore.

Please ladies tell me if this will pass!!

Kristie - PLEASE, do yourself a favor and believe your husband when he says he's afraid of hurting you, rather than worrying that he finds you unattractive. Remember, guys are scared to death of hurting women (at least, the good ones are) and they will go to great lengths to avoid doing so. Try suggesting to him that you need his touch - maybe elsewhere on your body. Maybe he'd love to massage your legs or even your feet. Try to get him re-accustomed to the idea that he can touch you without it hurting, that you truly enjoy and need his touch and let it heal from there. This is hard enough without letting unnecessary fears and barriers come between you. I know it's hard - try to believe him. 

Maybe some of the others will have advice on this topic, too; it's a delicate issue but vitally important. 

Good luck to you - and to SCMom, Nancybel and Slavrich.

okay. My surgery is over. I just walked out of the center, and we are on way home. Just a quick stop to get the pain meds.

mefromcc...I had to scroll up to the top to see which surgery you had...holy cow!  I agree with Hopeful, you must be doing great, to walk out, the same day...that's fantastic!

hopeful, thank you...venting really does help, and this seems to be a safe place to do it!

Holy cow!! You are walking out the same afternoon? You rock and that is awesome, good for you! Take care of yourself. I also had to look up top to see what surgery you had. What an inspiration!

Good luck to tomorrow's sisters!