Dealing with pure Fright

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Bcky
Bcky Member Posts: 167
edited October 2014 in DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)

I was diagnosed on 10/9/14 DCIS Level 1 /Grade 2/ Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. I was given a prescription lurazepam today. Anxiety/Fright. Hard time sleeping. Crying. Obsessed. Hard time functioning. I found the beast biopsy was not painful but traumatic. I go for my MRI on the 15th. What if they find more cancer? I am 46 yrs old. I have two adult kids. Nothing in my life experiences compares to the fear I am feeling. How did you ladies react when you found out? I just had to turn on the tv tonight and take my mind off it.  But my mind cannot not think about it.

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  • sbelizabeth
    sbelizabeth Member Posts: 2,889
    edited October 2014

    Bcky, I know it doesn't sound at all possible, but we've all been where you are, and there will come a day when you WILL feel better. 

    You've just been pushed off a cliff, and it's scary.  Everyone's different, of course but I began to feel a little better when all the diagnostic nightmares were over and I started treatment. 

    Right now, your brain is on "cancer radio," 24/7.  You can't stop thinking about it.  I know.

    With tincture of time, you'll feel better.  It's a "new normal" (and I sort of hate that term), but it becomes normal, and you'll settle into the groove of being on the road to recovery.  Take your lorazepam when you need to, and consider asking your oncologist for an antidepressant and a sleeping aid.  They can both be very helpful.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited October 2014

    Hi Bcky-

    We're so sorry for what you're going through! Receiving a DCIS diagnosis is incredibly difficult, and the waiting and uncertainty that follows can be really hard to manage. You'll find lots of support on these threads; you might also find the information here and here helpful in the coming weeks. 

    We're thinking of you!

    The Mods

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  • ml143333
    ml143333 Member Posts: 658
    edited October 2014

    Bcky - We all understand where you are right now.  You were just diagnosed.  Give yourself time.  With time comes a better understanding of what is going on, your treatment plan, and what is to come.  You probably don't believe it now, but in time you will find it does get better.

    I was diagnosed on 7/11/2014 and spent Friday night and Saturday pretty much crying on and off, but by Sunday, I was doing okay.  I am fortunate in that I work for the Vice President of Oncology Services for a large hospital system and had been preparing myself for the diagnosis.  I also work with so many brilliant people and many are breast cancer survivors.


     

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  • mrenee68
    mrenee68 Member Posts: 383
    edited October 2014

    Bcky - I'm so sorry that you are joining us here, but you are in great company. I remember being were you are and it is not fun. Give yourself time, take things one day, one minute, one second at a time. Feeling free to cry, yell, sleep, or have whatever emotion you have. Once all of the testing is over and you know exactly what your treatment plan is, things will start to come together. Be kind to yourself and do what you need to do to get through this difficult time. This will pass and you will come out at the other end knowing that you can handle whatever life throws at you. It may not seem possible right now but with the passing of time it will get better. ((Hugs))

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  • Bcky
    Bcky Member Posts: 167
    edited October 2014

    Thankyou. I took 10 ml of lurazeapam tonight. The 5 ml is not enough. If I could take 15 ml I would.Today I thought to just stay silent and work slowly to calm myself down. I thought if I had a few projects to do and made myself do them it would focus and still my mind. That way I could think about cancer or serious things like dying or potential worst case scenarios and not get stuck in thought. I dusted the ceiling fans. Washed and ironed a curtain. Did laundry. Dusted. I just went real slow because my mind cannot focus well right now. I so hate to dust or do the ceiling fans. But seeing as I am out of it from fright and worry it was easy to do because my mind was not totally on it. Tommorow I have the MRI and consultation with Radiological Oncologist. I feel powerfully exhausted since my diagnosis.

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2014

    Bcky, Gentle hugs to you. Just take it one day at a time. It's overwhelming at the beginning, but it does get better. Best wishes!

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  • Bcky
    Bcky Member Posts: 167
    edited October 2014

    I had an MRI today and consultation with the Medical Oncologist. I was frightened in the MRI machine. I just thought of my life. Childhood memories. I kept thinking I was in a nightmare that this cannot be happening to me. The MRI sounds where really really Awful.

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  • farmerlucy
    farmerlucy Member Posts: 3,985
    edited October 2014

    Bcky - My first MRI was unsettling as well.  The diagnosis is surreal. As the ladies have said the passage of time is about the only thing that makes it better. Feel whatever you feel, you don't have to be strong for anyone. This is your life right now, but it is not the rest of your life.  "Cancer Radio 24/7" is an excellent analogy. We're here for you. Gentle hug. 

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  • Bcky
    Bcky Member Posts: 167
    edited October 2014

    Thankyou ladies for your support.

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