Starting Chemo in December 2013

Kathy & Kimie, great picture!  you look awesome!

great pic ladies!!! How awesome and you two look beautiful!!

Holli

so all you ladies getting mammos- what kind of surgery did y'all have? I was told since I had BMX with DIEP. That I didn't need a mammogram. 

I'm so happy for all you ladies!! Beginning to wrap all this mess up. 

keep the faith - feeling a little down today. I hate coming on here and complaining when all of you are moving on. I'm a little jealous as I feel like I'm getting left behind. I know that sounds nutty... Here is my latest blog post

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Baader-Meinhoff Phenomon ..., what?

posted by Holli on Thursday, October 9, 2014

Thinking back over the past few years (beginning July 2011) ... We've really had a rough go of it. My difficult pregnancy with Rhett (almost losing him), Rhett's heart defect scare, our precious 13 year old dog Harley passing away, my cancer diagnosis, our house getting broke into, my cancer treatment, insurance battles, radiation pnuemonitis...

Wow!! There are times when I still feel like it has all been a dream. Well, a nightmare is more like it. Ha ha.

But there have been so many blessings too. Seeing Gods hand at work, seeing the love of Jesus in others, making new friends, strengthening old friendships, prayers answered (sometimes right in the middle of HEB), cards, meals, snack bags for the kids, a freezer filled with frozen meals, clothes washed, houses cleaned, LPHOH beach retreat, so many messages of hope and encouragement.... I could go on and on and on!!

We have been blessed again this week...

Have you ever bought a car? A unique model or color that you thought no one else had then once you drive it off the lot, all of a sudden it seems like you see them everywhere!! There is an actual name for this... "Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon".

It happens too once you (or possibly someone close to you) have been diagnosed with cancer. Gone are the days when a cough lasting 3 weeks was thought to be just a cough. It must be lung cancer (see my previous posts ).

Well, Ronnie has had severe abdominal pain for several months. Ronnie was diagnosed with a pretty serious case of diverticulitis. But thanks to "Baader-Meinhof" (which I think was like a German mafia so not sure why the phenomena was named this) we were afraid it was colon cancer. After 2 abdominal cat scans, he had a colonoscopy this week to rule out colon cancer. Some one mentioned to me that if Ronnie had cancer that we were starting to drift into Biblical "Job" territory. But God is good all the time. While they did find and remove a polyp, the biopsy came back benign. Praise God!!

So now I get to complain a little... :0) please indulge me...

I've been thinking about getting a hysterectomy. Several reasons for this 1. My tri-monthly Lupron injections shut off my ovaries anyway so why continue getting injections when I can just have them removed 2. Chemo put me into menapause 3. I can't get pregnant again - if there are any minuscule cancer cells left in my body, estrogen will feed them 4. I like the idea of having the least amount of "things" in my body for cancer to possibly take up residence in.

I met with an OB/GYN today for a consult (she is amazing) and she agrees with me. However, she would require clearance from either a pulmonologist or cardiologist before operating on me due to my radiation pneumonitis. I probably need to get the hysterectomy ( or oophrectomy - that's a fun word to say) before any more plastic surgery/reconstruction. and I don't see that happening before the end of the year. No one is going to want to put me under with my lung issues.

UGH!! I'm frustrated. My breathing has been more labored this week and my chest hurts. It seems to get worse the more humid it is. I just so wanted to be done by the end of this year. I don't want to give cancer more than a year of my life. I wanted to go into 2015 with a clean slate. But that doesn't look like it will be the case. I think another fear is that I want to finish my reconstruction and I'm so afraid I won't get to.

Then I feel guilty (I'm really good at feeling guilty) ... I know ladies who are stage IV. Here I am complaining about temporary breathing difficulties and pain/weight gain/insomnia from steroids, chemo brain, fatigue ... when these ladies face their mortality head on every day. One incredible woman has had over 70 chemo treatments!! I'm having trouble reconciling that. Who am I to complain or get down when there are so many that have it so much worse.

So my next step is to get in with a pulmonologist. Of course the one my oncologists want me to go to is out of network. But I talked to my primary doc office today and they are going to try to get me a way to see this doc. I should know by mid week next week. Mandy in their referral office was so kind and helpful. After what we have gone through (and are still going through) with insurance, it is a breath of fresh air to have someone be so kind and willing to help you. Always treat people kindly, you never know what they may be facing.

I've got to get this lung healed. I feel like I'm in limbo with all of this. I can't move forward. I'm stuck!!

Thank you everyone for your prayers. Please continue to pray. Especially for our health, insurance struggles , and getting me in to a pulmonologist, and reduction of pain and side effects from these steroids

Great News Jodi!! You look beautiful!! The hair suits you :0)

Holli

Yay Jodi!!!  I will pray for you RHGSR.  I was thinking of a place that we could all meet.  It's so hard because we are all over the place.  What about VEGAS?????  In the spring?  Just a thought.  I'm going there with my sisters in 2 weeks

I'm here.  I've been so busy, I've been reading but haven't had time to post.  Tonight it's a glass of wine and some relaxation time. I have been doing great.  Upbeat and positive.  Then I had my Herceptin treatment today, sitting in the same horrid chemo chair.  Before Herceptin was a visit with my MO.  She asks the questions like "any pains that you didn't have before...etc" Which then makes me realize "oh yeah, I had cancer and I have to worry about reoccurrence."  Thanks for reminding me MO!!!! Grrrrrrrrr I love her and I hate her.  Plus my boob swelled up again.  My own fault.  I'm back to my pre chemo weight...finally! I had to stop wearing my pants I bought for chemo, they were getting a little snug, but I refused to buy a new bra!! I had to buy a smaller bra from the weight I lost, but one that also didn't rub my port.  So I wouldn't go back to my 36 bra because it rubs my port and I'm NOT spending any more money on cancer.  So I was wearing a to tight 34 bra and just complaining about the tightness.  Now I have a swollen sore breast!!!!! MO says if it doesn't go down I have to go to PT.  But swelling is already going down BECAUSE I SPENT MONEY ON A BIGGER BRA!!! ok rant over!  I have my first mammo next Friday.  It's a 3D mammo.  I haven't had that kind yet.  I didn't realize how much I would worry about, but I'm scared. 

Mikesgirl, Vegas!!! Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm in!!! Spring would be awesome! Time enough to look for cheap tickets.  Vegas deals all the time.  How about April????

Holli, we're here for you.  I think feeling down is part of this CRAP we are dealing with. 

Kimie and Mikesgirl, that is an awesome photo.

Jodi & Kimmie - Xrays clear, WOOHOO!!!

Jodi, you look great!

how great more Dec Sisters meet up. Kimie and Kathy, you both look great

Love the hairdos. 

DJJ, April is usually awful for flights.  (More expensive.)  At least flying out of Maine.  How about May?  My parents will be home from Florida by then so they can babysit.  I think it would be awesome to get as many of us that we can to go  My husband will want to go too.

how nice!! I really hope to meet one of you!!!

Mikesgirl - LOL - The son who is graduating from HS is not the one who is married.

Kim

Oh my gosh Holli! Feel better!!!!! You look beautiful despite being sick!

Fantastic picture Kim and Robin!

I'm terrible and making comments about each post, but know that i'm holding you all in my prayers and thoughts on a daily basis! I've been fighting my first "cold" since i got sick....holy crap it got me good, but i'm happy to say today i'm finally feeling good! I get my port out this afternoon and i'm scared shitless.  I'm going by myself which may be a mistake, but i just hate asking people to come with me.....ugh. 

Vegas sounds fantastic! Doesn't anybody ever pass through North Dakata???? what the heck!!

Hugs and lots of love,

Michelle

Oh Holli, I am so sorry this is still so difficult. 

Osteoporosis- I start Actonel (sp?) once a week. Add 30 minutes of walking a day, and it should be reversible. 

Lump- benign cyst 

Now to de stress.....

Vegas! Woot Woot!  I am going to New Orleans the weekend of May 15th, can meet anytime other than that.

Holli, hope you are feeling better, that sounds rough as hell, thinking about you.

Michelle, I was in Minot 22 years ago, no plans to go back any time soon. Hope you feel better soon.

Robin, been thinking about your lump. Geez, you get to meet everyone!

Kim, I can't wait.

DJJ, I have been thinking I need some new bras, just don't quite feel like facing that yet.

Jodi, excuse me, looking good!

Starting to get used to pink everywhere, I don't dislike it as bad.

omg, I had a whole thing typed here then it froze and lost it all grrrrr

I have a new avatar, familiar from fb. My strong, fierce, powerful, "don't mess with me cancer" pose. 

Sedona, az and Grand Canyon were beautiful. I'm not very religious but I would say it was spiritual. The beauty that mother nature creates is amazing, it must have been helped by some higher power. We hiked most days, 3-5 miles up and down on various trails. DJJ, I'm ready to join you in Peru. Maybe I can keep up with you...(maybe not, lol). The right equipment really makes a huge difference, hiking shoes, back pack, hiking sticks(really helps relieve pressure on the feet, knees and arms and shoulders). Funny how I get pain in my upper back, shoulder blades and my hands swell a lot when hiking with my arms hanging down but the sticks helped a lot. Also a cool looking cowboy hat helps too!

Awesome how some of us are meeting up. Visit with Robin was great. Like we've know each other for a long time. So natural to just share stuff. Everyone is looking amazing

Holly, now get out of that hospital soon, girl. Hope you feel better soon.

Jodi, yipee for Ned. You look adorable with your hair like that.

Mikesgirl, it's so fun to see old friends and pick up where you left off. You seem to have been able to keep that new found spirit you found in Aruba (also amazing hair!)

Barb, how's moki and hubby?

Oranje, hope you heal up quickly from the chemo cream

I went to dermatologist today for yearly skin check. No probs anywhere. Good. Asked about Latisse for my short, sparse lashes and she said she'd prescrib it but it could turn my blue eyes brown. I've heard of that and I woukdnt want that. So will just deal with the short lashes. Anyone use it with light eyes?

Michelle, north Dakota? I'd come! I'm sure there's great sights and things to do there?!

Vegas baaabbby! I'd go!. Early May? Ok