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pammyau
pammyau Member Posts: 2
edited October 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer


Or even if this board is active.
My mom is 66 this month. I feel that her age snuck up on me. She's been fighting what started as breast cancer for 24 years. And she always seemed too young to die. Then she mentioned she was 66 and I thought that she really isn't any more.
On April 24 2012 (my 40th bday) my mom went for her usual check up but didn't come home like she normally did. Her levels had risen quite dramatically and she had cancer in her spine, liver and the lining of her brain. She was given 2 weeks to two years to live with two years being unlikely, and was put on the DNR list.
Needless to say I was shocked. And telling my 4 daughters and my son was hard.
Here we are 18 months later and the drs think she had a small stroke last week and are doing a brain scan next week.
She went in for chemo yesterday. She's on a 21 day cycle. And came home with a zimmerframe because her walking us effected.
I think she's on the down hill run now and it looks like the 2 year prediction may be right after all.
As selfish as it sounds I am not ready to be the daughter of a dying mom. Fielding phone calls and listening to condolences from moms friends. 
My partner is not big on emotional support, I am not one to have friends as I have always kept to myself and am not social at all. And am just looking for someone that knows what I am going through, so I have somebody to talk with..  :)
Pam

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  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 6,197
    edited October 2014

    Oh Pam, I am so terribly sorry to hear what you're facing right now. My Mother was Dx in '94 with BC, just 4 months after my Dad passed away. It was a dreadful time. As it turned out, my Mother was Dx with Dementia just a few years later and it was complications of that, that finally took her.

    It is never easy to be faced with the impending loss of your Mother, everything we are, is tied up in what we learned at her side and the idea of going on without her, just doesn't bear thinking about.  

    There are many women here, who have been in the same situation. They will come and share how they dealt with it.  

    I understand how you feel, I wasn't ready to lose my Mother either. I wish you all the very best, please come here for support. The women on these boards are wonderful and ready to share their experiences with you.

    Enjoy all the time you have with your Mother, it may be that she has just had a setback and you'll actually have more time than you think, with her. These time frames are so often given by Doctors and prove to be way off.

    Take care of yourself and your Mother.

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  • Nel138281
    Nel138281 Member Posts: 2,124
    edited October 2014

    Pam,

    There is no good time or age to deal with the passing of a parent.  I know people who have developed an email list ( I did when dx) so I could keep folks updated without having repeated conversations, or a message on your outgoing message that you change as circumstances with your mom change.  Some hospitals also have care pages you can set up.  You need to figure out how to take care of your mom and yourself.  How old are your kids, are there responsibilities they can assume at home?   Are there specific things you can let your partner know you need, maybe not emotional support, but are there other things. Are there things your mom's friends can assisit with?   Build the support you need for yourself and your mom  Enjoy the moments - no matter the age - it all happens too soon.  

    And know you have us here

    Nel

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