MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

Hello, just found this thread.  I am right in the middle age wise and just freshly divorced and living on my own when I was diagnosed in February.  My rap sheet is below.  Looks like a dog lover thread also and I am all over that.  Kids are graduating college.  My job is supportive and can't fire me, but since I miss work intermittently, I am juggling bills.  One daughter is going to college close and that is nice.  The other two are not close and that sucks.

I didn't read through past threads, just figured I would jump in.  Great to meet you all.

Hope you heal well and super fast Glennie xx

thanks for all the well-wishes, everyone!  I'm hanging in with help from friends and neighbors bringing food and walking the dog.  Keeping on schedule with pain meds and drinking lots!

Welcome missingmercury!  Join our dog-loving party over here!

I got my dog Oreo a few weeks before diagnosed.  I don't know what I would have done if I came home to an empty apartment instead of her to hug.  She's an older dog that needed a home.

Mel:  a negative work place is so hard to deal with. As NativeMainer said,,, try to just acknowlege it, and then move on to a more positive topic.  It's a hard thing to fight. I had that with my last job too. Some people just like to dwell in the negative and it's hard to get them to see the bright side.

Mel,

I've done the test before for a grad level conflict resolution class. I discovered that I'm a different personality type at work than I am at home or socially. Maybe this is why you have two types? My answers to the questions would change based on whether the situation was a work setting or family setting.

Mel: let us know how the retreat goes. Poppy has an interesting point, that you could be different at home than at work. Makes sense to me.

jbok:  with you.  BC gets too much and other cancers not enough. Let's have some serious awareness out there for some of the others too.  And stop pinking every freakin' product!

has anyone had there reconstruction surgery yet?  I think I'm looking at December for a bilateral with lat flap.   I was told to expect to have drains for up to 3 weeks.  Was is a similar recovery to the Bmx? 

jbok - pop over to the Exchange thread.  Great discussions & answers.

Tuesday I saw my onc, who happily gave me the all-clear. Wednesday night, I woke up at 3AM, with a horrific pain in my right hip. After an hour of this, I got up to get some ibuprofen, and found that I could barely walk. In the morning, after a few hours of fitful sleep, I called one of my docs, who told me to get x-rays immediately. Well, after an anxiety-laden couple of hours at the hospital, the conclusion is that there is nothing wrong with my hip, except some arthritis and tiny calcifications (apparently a side effect of inflammation, in turn caused by the arthritis).

So I was talking to the doc a bit, she is my surgeon's assistant. We were talking about how the pain was probably muscular and caused by my terrible back somehow. I mentioned that it also didn't help that I am not allowed to sleep on my right side (the side where they took 22 lymph nodes). She looks confused. So I explain that she had given me this instruction after surgery. She then tells me that it was only supposed to be for a month. She never told me that and she never gave me the go-ahead to sleep on my right. I did ask my onc last year, if I could start sleeping on the right, and he also told me not to. So for 3 years, I have been sleeping badly in weird positions, scared of rolling on to my right side. I guess this also means that I no longer need to keep the right arm elevated at night?

Mel--Sounds like
you're getting the workplace negativity thing under control!Good for you!Those personality things are fun to do, aren't they?

Jbokland--I hate the
whole Pinktober thing, not so much because other cancers also deserve
attention, but because I hate the expectation that I should be marching for
free mammograms, or some other "cancer warrior woman" activity.Why can't it be a private thing?I do not what to be known as the bc survivor,
I want to be known as the good employee, the good friend, loving daughter,
caring dog parent, homeowner, etc.Don't
limit me to a diagnosis, please!

Glennie--I think I
am different at work, too, I think many people are.

Mercury--I think
many companies choose what causes to donate to based on what will get them the
best advertising more than anything else.BC is easy to identify with and gets companies lots of positive
publicity.Let's face it, BC is
"sexier" than Chrohn's disease.

Jbokland--I had
bilateral DIEP recon, the recovery was absolutely longer and harder than the
mastectomy.I had one of the 4 drains
for almost 3 months, but that was because of the radiation damage done in that
area.

Mercury--I chose to
wait a year after mastectomy before recon.I had the mastectomy due to complications from rads, and needed a break
from surgeries and infections and complications.I used a prosthesis during that time.People could not tell that I had a mastectomy
and was using a prosthesis. I entertained not getting a recon, but with one DDD
boob and one missing, I was having too much back and neck pain and decided to
take the opportunity to get smaller breasts.Extra bonus, I don't need to wear a bra anymore!

Oh the pink crap..........

Another note, why oh why, in every book or movie I read there is usually a woman who is dying or has died from BC. Last night a friend and I (from my BC support group) were at a movie and when they mentioned that the mom had BC we both cracked up because we had just been talking about how it is always in our face. We probably got some glares. 

So I had my "procedure" on Tuesday. We picked up my new car and I got to sleep in it the whole way home. The next day I looked out the window and said oh, it has tinted windows? lol way to pay attention. So doc said he thinks he got it all, he thinks it is Basal Cell and if there are any surprises we will deal with them next week. 

But I am dealing with some serious mouth pain. I get to go to the dentist today. I am soooo looking forward to the Novocaine. Now I know if I live to 120 I would still be considered middle aged, but my body seems to be "decaying" at a faster rate these days. 

I only had a lx, but was prescribed a prosthesis because the sizes ended up very different. But since I have lost weight they seem to have evened back out. Seems like my body is always changing. 

I get it about the docs not realizing how they have to spell stuff out for us. I have found that I have refined my question asking to be very specific. I still think all docs should have to undergo their own "procedures" to get what we go through. 

glennie, glad you got through your surgery on Monday and hope you are healing well.

good luck everyone making decisions about recon!

momine, glad it was just pesky arthritis. no fun, but better than it coulda been.

mel, I am definitely two different personality types. And since I have stopped working (pretty much) the easier going side is showing up more. I don't feel like I have to do it all anymore or do it perfectly if I choose to do it. Part of me feels lazy and the other part feels like why did I drive myself so crazy for most of my life?

oooh hotflashs...sorry glennie 19. i hope they don't last too long or get too awful for you..

Momine, I was told to sleep on my back for the first couple of weeks, no one said anything about what to do after that. i mostly sleep on unaffected side, always have. i try to elevate my arm if it is feeling especially bad, but i do sleep with the night garment on. but sometimes i just crave to lay down on that side, it's like my body knows it needs to, for alignment or something. now i am going to start asking questions about that.

jbokland, I had recon immediately with my bilateral mastectomy and had 4 drains in total the first 2 came out in week 2 the last 2 I had for another week and half. That is probably the biggest pain (as in irritation) for me during the whole process. Once they came out it was such a relief. When I had my TE's replaced with implants, no drains were needed. Yay! As MinusTwo mentioned the Exchange thread is great. If I can answer any questions for you, I'd be happy to.

Last year at the start of October I went out and bought pink pens, pencils, Sharpies, highlighters, agenda, and utility knife. I even spray-painted my favourite wrench pink. I did this, not out of any great desire to help "the cause", but because I am the only woman working with 8 men and figured it was the easiest way to keep their hands off MY STUFF. Little did I know, or even suspect, that at the time I was carrying around a 3.6 cm. tumour in my right breast. One year ago today is the day I noticed the puckering on my breast that began my path through testing, diagnosis, surgery, chemo, and recovery. Thankful that I have been back at work for the last month, and all my pink things are still where they belong, especially my wrench!

Have a great weekend everyone!