Trying to move on - but in a funk

Options
finallyoverit
finallyoverit Member Posts: 382
edited October 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer

The last week or so I've been in a funk that I just can't shake.  Today, I realized why.  My 3-year anniversary is coming up in a few days.  I know I should be happy that 3 years have passed and for the most part, I feel fine... but I'm still angry I had to deal with it at all.  Yes, I know I need to let it go and for the most part I do.. it's just when everything in God's green earth turns PINK and Oct 4th approaches, all of those feelings come back to the surface.  I freaking hate this disease... I hate what it did, and continues to do to my body... I hate what it has done to my self esteem... I hate that I'm STILL dealing with medical bills from all this crap... I hate all of the follow up appointments that are never at a convenient time (OH- you need a diagnostic mammo?.. we only do those on Tues, Thurs, & Fri between 10-2... Seriously?  Don't ya think people normally work during those hours?)... and I HATE PINK with a flipping passion... almost as much as I hate the urging to wear it in the name of "awareness".

Okay.. rant over.  Thanks for listening ladies!  I'll be back to my perky, smiling self in a few days... but tonight, I'm pissed.

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • finallyoverit
    finallyoverit Member Posts: 382
    edited September 2014

    Replying so dx details appear

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • ChemicalWorld
    ChemicalWorld Member Posts: 172
    edited October 2014

    I had a similar reaction this past week, I too took a nosedive into a funk.  And I was diagnosed the year prior to you and yep, on the cusp of pinktober.  I tried to reclaim the day but still felt rotten, sulky, weepy, resentful. Been kind of out of it.  Cancerversaries are weird times.  They are a milestone for sure and boy are we still happy to be here, but its also the anniversary of a pretty crappy day in our lives.  And people around us are more apt to yahoo the milestone while not acknowledging the unhappy memories that come along with the day.  That only made me want to withdraw a bit more.

    We keep up a good front most of the time, sometimes the facade has to crack a little.  Perfectly normal, IMO.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • finallyoverit
    finallyoverit Member Posts: 382
    edited October 2014

    Thanks, girls.  You are absolutely right, unless you've worn these shoes - you really don't understand.  I know I should be *happy* and for the most part I am... it's just all of this stupid pink that drives me nuts.  Today was "Pink Wednesday" at work... really?  No offense to anyone who draws strength and/or encouragement from pink - I just absolutely abhor it and all that marketers have made it come to stand for.  If they really cared, pour that money into research for a damn cure rather than a pink toothbrush.  It's going to be a long month... 1 day down... 30 to go!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • mrenee68
    mrenee68 Member Posts: 383
    edited October 2014

    I get it ladies, yesterday was my 2 year cancerversary, and I was feeling quite down, little things made me cry and I just wanted to stay in bed all day. Like I told my husband it was bitter-sweet, happy I was still alive and well for the most part, but sad about all I had been through and all I have lost. This month with all of its pink just really makes it hard to put it all behind me.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories