DIEP 2014

Hi all,

Count me among those who doesn't want anything to do with pink-tober.  I told my family last winter that the first object that shows up with pink ribbons on it is going straight out the window of the hospital room.  LOL!

Well, my phase 1 free flap is one week from today, or exactly 6.5 days from now and my anxiety is in overdrive.  Where did the summer go?  It hit me at work today that this was going to be my last week and panic set in.  Anyone who deals with anxiety issues can attest - it starts feeding on itself until you become completely useless.  Thank heavens for Ativan.

The fun news came last Friday night when I saw a Periodontist who said my back molar on my right hand side needs to be pulled (a root canal from eons ago broke down) and that he needs to talk with my PS about my surgery next week.  This should be fun.  Doc gave me his home and cell numbers to pass along, but when I followed up with the PS office today, PS had been in surgery since 7am and did not have a chance to get the message and make the call.  As if my stress level isn't already through the roof - now I am not even sure if my surgery is going to get cancelled over a tooth issue.  Hoping to hear something tomorrow.  Best case scenario I was given is that they may be willing to up my antibiotics and go ahead with the surgery and then I can have the blasted tooth pulled while I am out on recovery.  Heres hoping that is the case - I am really ready to have this next phase over with.

Oddly, I had no, none, zip, nada stress leading up to my BMX.  It was what it was, it was scheduled, and it happened.  For some reason, I can't seem to get back to that place of contentment (resignation? peace?) that I had leading up to it.  I don't know why reconstruction feels so much different, but I am just as grateful as I can be to read through all of your posts and see what all of us are dealing with as we move through this process.  If only I could access the message boards from work when I start to panic.  LOL!

Good morning!  Just catching up with all the posts. Busy place! Got all my diagnostic testing done yesterday for the lump I found and initial  thoughts from the radiologist was are necrosis or scar tissue (based on Mammo and US). I also had a breast MRI which I was due post treatment anyway and will get the reports from all three later this week. Question. I know the protocol varies between oncologists but do any of you have annual diagnostic testing such as breast MRI or just mammo? Yesterday was a really hard day being at the hospital where everything went down with the biopsy and all the diagnostic testing last year for the cancer. Plus there was poor communication between cancer center and hospital about what was supposed to be done.Orders were cancelled, reordered, phone calls between nurses...  I was there for 5 hours for 3 pretty short tests....had to be ultrasound and mammo'd twice. The radiologist came in to do the second ultrasound. The tech that did the mammo was not very warm. I got tearful during the procedure and I felt so mad at myself for getting emotional. And then she was so flat and un empathetic. Just chirped out orders, arm here, turn your head, hold your breath.  I was tearful and she didn't acknowledge or even offer a tissue. She is lucky I didn't break out a can of whoop ass after I regained my composure, because sometimes after the tears comes some underlying anger about having to deal with this *&^%. Everyone else was amazing so chalked it up to perhaps her inexperience, or maybe just incapacity to understand what an upsetting thing it is to go through all of that again with a lump after having cancer and to have such mass confusion on top of it as to what should be done.  Anyway, thanks for the encouraging posts and inquires. Will keep you posted on what I find out on the MRI and final reports.

ChrisinPA: Hang in there! I had two surgeries canceled while I was literally gowned up and ready to go into the OR. REally hoping this doesn't happen to you. But I can also say this distance down the road that in the bigger scheme of things, all turned out okay. It was unbearable to wait, but you also have to trust your doctors and know they are making absolutely the best decision for you. 

I just read the last few days of posts and feel so much better about my mixed feelings about October and the whole "warrior" discussion!

People say, "You are one strong woman" and my response is always, "You would be, too."  Because there isn't really any other option! I have a husband, two small kids and a full time job. If I curl up into a little ball, well, I just can't.   As written here recently, even if you AREN'T strong, you PRETEND to be! What a game.  But, there is that saying, "fake it till you make it," and sometimes I think that's what I do.  I just act like it's okay...and usually it is.  But, yes, as others have said, it gets tiresome.  Friday night for example, I went out on the town with my friends and we stayed in a hotel.  Well, after many glasses of wine, I blubbered like a big baby into the wee hours about how scared I am of surgery (it's this Friday) and of being just plain tired of doing this!  In the end, I actually think all that crying and venting did give me some physical and emotional release.

As for October, last year I was out on medical leave during October, so I was out and about and had stopped wearing my wig. I had very, very short white/gray hair. I felt like everytime I walked into Starbucks, people would look at some sign for BC and then at me, then at the sign, then at me thinking, oh, there's a real life breast cancer lady!!!  Needless to say, last year I pretty much hated the whole pink-tober thing.  This year I am a little less irritated as now I blend and don't feel the stares anymore. But, I am with those whose favorite color was once pink.  Not so much anymore.

So, my surgery is on Friday.  They are STILL figuring out my insurance. I had my pre-op appt last Monday where I presented the insurance authorization forms saying they seemed questionable. I was assured they were fine by the "insurance coordinator."  The next day, the office manager called to say they were in fact not fine and it was being looked into.  It has taken until today for it to supposedly be fine, but I am still waiting on one last call for confirmation. The office manager was very good about it though thankfully. She said it was their offices fault and had no excuses and was thankful that I was acting as my own advocate. Yet, had she not been looking at something else that made her look at my forms, I might be some big insurance debate later. As if this was not enough, the day of my pre-op appt they also failed to tell me to stop taking Tamoxifen.  On this thread, I learned that most people are taken off of it.  So, I called back to ask when I realized they had not told me to stop and they said, "Oh yes, you should stop."  Really? That's it?  What if I hadn't known?  So, these two things that I inquired about on my own, are making me think what else are they forgetting to tell me?!!?!?   I'm anxious enough, I don't need more things to doubt. My mind is just racing now of things I never asked them or things they didn't tell me.  Ugh!!

I'm very anxious.  Thankfully, I am working through Thursday and have my kids and husband to keep my mind busy.  As nervous as I am, I cannot wait to wake up after surgery just so I can be done with the waiting.

sky78, happy to see they cleared up the insurance stuff! Good luck on Friday! Everyone will be thinking of you and wishing you well.

Goldie - I still have the lump but am working around it. My PS said it will take time. I may need another procedure but won't know til January. 😢 I'm not having any more ultrasound treatments but still massage.

GeorgieGirl and pzercher, thank you for the kind words.  I called Monday and yesterday, and my surgeon had not had a chance to followup with the periodontist, so surgery is still in question.  The stress is going to be worse than the surgery.  :-)

Sky78 - I hear you.  I am scheduled for Monday and am also way beyond stressed.  If nothing else, please keep in mind that federal law here in the US mandates that if you are indicated for BC surgery, you are mandated for reconstruction.  I asked my local PS if DIEP/Flap could be considered "elective/cosmetic" or "excessive" and he said that there was no such thing - reconstruction after MX is just reconstruction - and all insurance has to cover it.  Let them work through what paperwork/forms to fill out and don't let that stress you out.  Remember, your only job is to keep breathing - their job is to get you through this and make you whole again.  My thoughts and prayers will be with you this weekend. 

Jmb - love the new profile pic!  Too cute.  I wonder if now might be the time to start soliciting someone to start a DIEP 2015 thread?  Just so that next year's gals will have a place to be and one to refer back to?  You have done such a great job this year.  Just thought you might want a break and I am seeing names on the list for 2015.  Year end will be here before we know it.

JMB - sure, you can add me. 10/3 - Bilateral Stage 1 DIEP, Dr. Hijjawi in WI.  Also, I agree, that's a beautiful picture! You are adorable and I love your hair!

So, I think I did something dumb and was reading a different thread on these boards.  I'm scared now of this whole boxy tummy problem and the pants falling down and just overall not liking the results in the tummy area.  I have read about the "swelly belly" on this thread.  Is it really that bad? Are you still glad you did the DIEP?  I mean, my choices are suffering through an implant on the radiated side, the DIEP, or going flat.  I thought DIEP was the way to go, but am I trading one problem for another???

Hi All ~ just checking in after catching up on a few days posts.  There is so much good information being shared I feel uber-prepared for my surgery in 5 1/2 weeks.

As far as the pink-washing of October I still haven't fully worked through my feelings about the commercialization of BC...it's hard to kick the feeling that corporations are making money from people's suffering yet I know that there is some good that comes out of the awareness.  Last year at this time I was on the down slope of 8 chemo treatments and the constant reminders every where I turned was annoying.  I hope to find some balance on the subject at some point. This morning when I turned on the telly it was all over...the NBC logo is pink, the Today show logo is pink and every other commercial is about pink products, someone called it pink power.  I'm not sure what the power is???  

Georgie, so sorry to hear of your experience at the hospital during your round of testing.  So frustrating when a lack of compassion creeps into the day...all this and one more thing puts you over the edge.  Some people don't get it and never will but I say let the tears flow sister.

Peace and healing to everyone on this day.     

jmb, great photo!!!  I liked the one on the beach too, even if it made me a little sun-hungry. 

sky78, I agree -- I'm also worried about the swelly-belly thing.  I wonder if it's a lymph drainage issue. 

Hang in there, debiann!

Feeling better today, but the foot is still numb. They had a neurologist check it out. He said its coming from a compressed nerve from the boots they put on you in surgery. It may resolve on its own or I may need some PT. Thaks for the positive thoughts!

Hello ladies,

 My exchange is scheduled for 12/2/14.  Currently it's for implants.  I've been researching and reading up about the DIEP procedure and I'm leaning toward this option.  I have another consult with my PS on Monday to see if I'm still eligible.  My main concern is the pain.  Is it really bad? How long is the hospital stay??  Ive been researching and everything says 4 days.  How long was the surgery?  I Had a full hysto done in June - abdominally.  That pain was bad. For those that have experienced it, would you say the pain is similar? How was it getting up?  Chest pain and abdominal all at once. How did you sleep?  I have sooo many questions. Any info you can provide will be helpful.

Sky - hands down, I'd do DIEP again. I have heart issues and got through the recovery fine. 

Lonnie - 4 days, 8-11 hours for surgery. Pain is manageable. the belly was more an issue than the breasts because nerves had already been cut in the chest area. Getting in and out of bed is doable in the hospital. At first nurses help. Then you will be able to do it. At home, I had loads of pillows to help me almost sit up, pillows for arms and under knees. Getting in and out of bed at home was also manageable.