DIEP 2014

I remember Saluki! I'm glad to hear she is doing well! I am also 12 years out. I thought I remember Chico's carrying Soma products but my local one does not any more. The nearest Soma store to me is a hike so I ordered online.

Lmaooo....I really appreciate I seem to be on everybody's mind, but Janet, that was Marty who was afraid of cigarettes, and TBrady, it is Georgie who is waiting for test results.  I do appreciate the responses on the numb tummy thing.  I can live with it, but didn't except it to be so extensive. My c=section scar has always been numb, but the skin around it was fine, so it got to the point where it wasn't even noticeable to me.  I was hoping for similar outcome...no?

I had a lumpectomy at the time for a few reasons. 1. I didn't like the reconstruction options of the time. Diep was just starting, to my knowledge and was pretty new, I knew of someone who had it and was in a royal fight with her insurance company to pay for it. 2. I felt that with chemo, rads and all that, I wasn't really up for a big surgery recovery. I was overwhelmed with what I HAD to do. 3. I was too indecisive about it, stats said outcomes were similar with lumpectomy vs. mastectomy so I went with the simplest option. I am glad I waited so I have better options.

I'm having unilateral diep now cuz the affected side is half the size of the other and I'm tired of trying to make it look right under clothes. During last winter's vacation, I was obsessing over how to wear my bathing suit, DH said to me "when are you going to get that thing fixed?" Gotta love them!

Thanks for your comment, Georgiegirl, and for those links. It looks like some very good information. My gynocologist and the microsurgion are supposed to talk to each other about whether to do the oopherectomy during the DIEP. I am also concerned about the additional surgery time and the possibility of messing up the blood supply to the flap during the procedure. I've done some reading about it, but I'm not sure what the latest thinking is. I'll let you know what the surgeons say when I find out.

Jmb - I had my ab scar lowered.  A walk in the park compared to DIEP.  I had drains, but lost them at about 11 days - though some don't have them.  I was not hunched over, but protective.  My lowering was in April.  PS said walking, treadmill, biking for 8 weeks to allow for healing, then weight training, plank, core work was okay.  Please don't be nervous.

Stinkie - love your name.  After my BMX, the PS suggested I go to the library to research options.  This was 30 years ago.  I dutifully ordered & checked out books.  The options were just plain scary compared to today's Flap procedures.  So grateful these options exist, but was happy to have implants when nothing else was available (though they were pretty wonky).

I often think being a warrior doesn't really mean we are actively waging the war, but simply dealing with the life handed us with grace and dignity.  We all want to get back to "normal", but our new normal is the only place we can be.  I am not a big Pink-tober gal, but do feel positive when recognized for what I have been through.  The biggest challenge is with the "competitive" part of this party - for example the person who says "I had chemo and radiation, what did you have"  with that upturned nose thing.  It is not a competition!  The victory comes in how you live day to day.

Well said, Marty!

Wow I have been catching up on everyone today. I am so glad you ladies are addressing some of the same issues that obviously we are all sharing right now. 

Jmb - I totally get the lonely feelings you're talking about. Especially with your friends. They kinda seem to have fallen by the wayside after surgery. 

Marty - Love your new normal description. It's the only place we can be:)

Stinkiesissie - You and your family have endured so much. Your testimony will be invaluable to lots of other families:)

I have experienced so many different emotions over the past few months and it seems like I can cry at the drop of a hat now. The uncertainty is very intimidating to me. I had my DIEP stage 1 a little over 3 weeks ago. It truly seems like it has been so much longer than that. It's hard to accept that you cannot control this disease. And your life suddenly becomes living day to day and just hoping you can make it through. 

On another note - I have read here that some docs say no sex until after drains are removed. My PS said 6 weeks 

Would anyone care to share what your experience was like and how long you were told to wait? Hope this isn't too personal:)

Packing my bag for the hospital, bmx and recon tomorrow.  Yikes, feeling very real now.  Yes, just when you think you've tackled an obstacle, there's something else to do. I went from lumpectomy, to chemo, now this, then start AI and finish 11 more Herceptin, with a stage 2 and nipples thrown in there somewhere.  People keep telling me its just a bump in the road, but who thought it would be such a long road?

Well if there were a sex life to go back to, I'd be concerned about that.  LOL.  I'm a little crochety today.  Just got discharged from my Stage I DIEP and into the hotel.  The way that the men are trying to pick up me and my sister today, probably because my surgical girdle is hanging below my shorts--perhaps I should come back here later.  Ha, ha.

About the emotions...one thing I read somewhere recently that really spoke to me is the feeling of losing the ability to control any of the outcomes of your life in a positive way.  I feel that I've lost that ability in many areas of my life.  Almost every area is not what I would like.  I'm 100% thankful and grateful that my son who just turned 23 yesterday has done well independently and that is THE most important thing to me.  It makes it possible for me to take all of the other crap.  But I will say that right now, I don't necessarily look for the bad stuff to happen, but I expect that there are always gonna be bumps in the road.  I don't think my negative attitude, if you want to call it that, makes that happen.  I just feel that I can't get out from underneath a very black cloud right now.  

JMB, please call about the support group. I am going to give it a try also.   I feel the same way. I am still here going through this s..t, but everybody has moved on, and I hardly talk to anybody about it because I think they feel like it should be over, and I am embarrassed it's not!  Even with other BC patients I feel that way because they had a quick implant surgery, everything went perfect and they have gotten on with it.  I get really sad and angry sometimes too.  It gets better.  I can see from reading the thread.  The ladies that give us such great advise now were in a similar place last year, or 6 months ago and most are doing great now.  We just have to hang in there.  Oh, I forgot...I am having my tummy incision revised too.  Not lowered though, just cleaned up because I had that problem with it healing and having to pack it.  It's pretty ugly. 

KB...lol...you go girl!

Tbrady, I totally get the brain fart stuff.  I do it all day long.  

debiann, we are with you tomorrow.  Keep us posted.  You are in our prayers.

lack of control-that must be it. I am 3 weeks post tomorrow and am still in significant pain in chest.   Feels like burning. Anyone else experience that?? And just plain sad.  I want to join a support group but am reluctant as I have no control of my feelings right now.  Having such an uncertain future makes me feel hopeless.  Some have mentioned the 3 to 4 week slump but this sucks.   I want my energy and drive back. Where did it go??

Teacher, I feel the same way.  This is very indelicate, but some days I felt like I had a couple of hams duct-taped to my chest.   After 2 years, I feel a little more like myself.  I also don't really care who sees my reconstructed breasts.  I'm a hot springs kind of gal so all my girlfriends have seen my reconstruction and have given me the thumbs up.   

smd, the 3-4 week mark is a serious break-down sick-of-this-BS period.  Then the clouds part and suddenly things get better.  Your juju will come back!

After 2 years of carrying around a large area of necrosis, I'm finally making plans for a Stage 1 DIEP in January.  Part of me celebrates finally getting this out of my body and getting a full-sized breast back, and part of me wants to curl up in the fetal position and cry about having to go through this again & about losing sensation on the front half of my torso along with the back side.  Time for the big-girl panties.  I'm trying to focus on the goal and also appreciating that, since the necrosis is on the cancer side, it will give an opportunity for another pathology report and a chance to check on things in there.  

Georgie! How did your checkups go? I had my one-year post dx MRI with contrast today and fun little visit (NOT!) with my oncologist. Hate the cancer center, hate hospitals, hate the doctors' offices... yucko. (But all the people there are terrific, it's just the whole surreal feeling of "what am I doing here with all of these sick people?"  See my PS on Friday to discuss Stage 2, and then I believe my last followup with my general surgeon on Monday. Definitely a time for reflection, and I identify so with all that you sisters have written, particularly about what it means to be a warrior. Brilliantly stated, LAstar. 

My dad died of throat cancer when I was 22, and he was a silent martyr throughout his treatment and dying. I vowed I was not going to do the strong silent thing--if I was sad, or grumpy, or enraged, or whatever, it was coming out. But it's hard!!! I still struggle with feeling like a big baby if I am authentic with my feelings. LIke others, I cry pretty easily these days, and it can be hard to shut down once it gets started. 

Kb33, about that chest pain: I still have it, two months out now, and my PS told me it was pain from my rib being cut out to access the chest vein (yikes!). Very slow to heal. Also, my pectoral muscle still feels painful when it tenses. I hope that will improve over time??

Lisa: so sorry you have yet another surgery to weather. Both my sisters had their gallbladders out, and they felt SO much better afterward. Eyes on the prize, sweetheart. Get that baby done and say goodbye and good riddance to 2014!

Pinktober...what can we say?? Just nod knowingly at each other as people who are not part of the "club" carry on. I remember this time last year, right after diagnosis, being eternally pissed every time I saw something pink. And don't even get me started on the gal who danced around the OR before her mastectomy, like it was some big celebration.

Update. Got back home about 3pm. I am doing ok so far. PS told DH he filled the upper quadrant, some in the underarm breast area and pulled up the lower incision that healed to the chest wall and put some fat under that. My abdomen looks like a half erased chalkboard (black board). He apparently took fat from upper abdomen and sides even slightly in the back. Ended up with 1 drain in the fat grafted breast.

Of course all is tender. I think I have finally recovered from the anesthesia. No problems with nausea. Yeah!!!!

Going to grab a small bite to eat, take my meds and then I probably will get sleepy again.

Thanks to everyone for the prayers and best wishes.

Will catch up later can't seem to concentrate.