Yearly check in - missed it again

Hi friends - every year I promise myself that I will return to the place that made everything ok. I remember year one I was still an active member. My mom was still in radiation; I still was living in that hazy area that cancer was the first thing I thought of when I woke up and most of what I thought of during the day.  How is she...is this working...what will happen? I was here daily - looking for help, needing help. You were everything. You are everything. 

Life then went on....life then slowly came back. I didn't wake up every day thinking of cancer. Slowly, my mom and I started to bicker again....a sure sign that maybe life was normal again? 

Then I missed year three....I didn't come back.

Four years ago, I remembered to come back. No one thought she'd make year four. Year five we completely forgot the date - I was at a phillies game and bored, went on Facebook and saw her status of five years NDC. I forgot? I lost years of my life obsessed with breast cancer - I did three komen walks for Pete's sake!  Tonight is year six. I'm texting my mom about what food to make for a family outing. Six years ago I was so overwhelmed with her diagnosis that I couldn't really function. I needed her to be healthy - this wasn't going to work without her, and for me I didn't understand breast cancer other than she was sick. My world was upside down, and absolutely nothing would ever be the same. Ever. 

Tonight, we are texting. There is a big college football game this weekend. Who needs to buy what, who needs to cook and since she doesn't work - clearly, she has more time than me to prepare so I've asked her to do the heavy lifting she's making the main meal. I've assigned her - she's retired - she's 64 so she can do this! Her response to me text, "Hey - we missed six years cancer free."

Since my last post, a year tonight, her younger sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. Due to medical advances, her case was the best outcome. It hasn't left us. But my aunt is also I charge of cooking. Breast cancer didn't win. 

I want to share with you again in my yearly post. Life does come back. Six years ago tonight I was a devastated person who never in a million years thought life would go on. I am a very pestimistic person. Six years ago life was over. I clung to this group. I needed all of you and your words, your encouragement, your knowledge and your prayers.

For the third year in a row, I'm thrilled to say I forgot today, our family's anniversary. To my friends here, I pray for you tonight on your start of the journey and want to give you that silver lining....life will come back. I know there's nothing harder than the beginning and six years ago, tonight if you told me it would require my mom to remind me of this date, I'd say you were insane. 

I pray for you all tonight. I pray you also forget your six year anniversary cause life came back. Hugs.