Infection and removal of implant: devastated
The last time I wrote on this site I was concerned about a lump on my rib after being cancer free for ten years following a bilateral mastectomy. Turns out my implant had ruptured, which was a much better scenario than the cancer reoccurrence I had been dreading. I made it through bi lateral reconstruction and recovered well for six months.9 days ago however, I rushed to the ER when my breast implant began to swell to almost double the size and I had fever and chills. Surgeon immediately scheduled surgery to remove implant due to staph infection. Five days in the hospital and I was finally discharged. I'm told I can't even begin to think about having reconstruction for another 6 months. I am terrified that the next surgery will be painful because I had I initially done tissue expanders after mastectomy and now they want that capsule to close and heal again. I have been dating my boyfriend for just a year and I'm terrified he will leave me, because I am completely scarred and have no breast. Even after my initial mastectomy, I had tissue expanded immediately placed so at least there was something there. I can't even look at myself now. I don't know where to turn. I was diagnosed at age 19 and I just turned 30. I was less scared of things at 19. I don't know how I can live 6 months without a breast but I'm so scared of the next surgery. Looking for words of wisdom from anyone.
Comments
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Seems to me that your boyfriend ought to value you as a special human being after a year. Maybe you should give him a chance to measure up. Just an old lady's suggestion.
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First off, I can't believe you have to deal with so much at such an early age. Second and you said it, keep in mind all the you endured at 19yrs old and tell yourself you can do this, if anyone can you can! Last but not least, give yourself sometime to heal before your boyfriend needs to see anything. He should avoid the chest area and you should be as patient as possible, not easy but try. Hang in there!
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cshell15, I feel your pain, and I hope that your body will heal quickly and become strong again to allow the next recon.
I'd like to share w/ you my experience. It is very different from yours, it is a different perspective. I just had my mx on my left breast. While having recon is the norm and I did have a consultation w/ a plastic surgeon, I decided against it because of the concerns of potential complications and long term uncertainty of ruptures, etc. Maybe I am overly cautious, I just don't want to take any chance that may risk my health or affect my active life style. I read a lot about women's experience in "living without recon" and also a lot of happy or unhappy recon experience on this website. I wanted to know all sides of the coin. I read "breastfree.org" and "flat and fabulous" on facebook. From what I read, I learned that there are a lot of women at all ages who decided not to have recon and are very happy with their decision. So, I concluded that it was the way to go for me. So far, I am 2.5 wks post mx, life is almost back to normal. I am happy with my look and very happy about how great I feel. Initially, my DH thought that I was out of my mind when I told him what I was thinking. He knew that looking beautiful was very important to me, and he worried that I'd be unhappy about myself. But once he knew that I had thought through the issue carefully, he was very supportive.
So, please take your time to heal - 6 months or even longer. That'll give you a better chance for a successful recon. I hope that your bf will be understanding and loving during this difficult time. It is a test for him, if he fails to pass it, he is not the right one for you. Also, you may want to read some threads in "living without reconstruction" -- they are very inspiring and may help you go through this challenging time. All the best.
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thanks everyone, so far my boyfriend is being pretty great, although I am having such a hard time I can't even glance down at my own chest in the shower, much less let him see me without a mastectomy bra with prosthesis in place. I am gradually accepting this "new look" at least with clothes on and prosthesis, but I don't know if I'll ever decide to accept this forever. Surgeon suggested tissue reconstruction for next reconstruction, but, I don't want the possible extra pain and more time away from yoga, jogging, etc. also how will it look if I have one implant and one side tissue reconstruction? Has anyone done this?
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cshell - this is the second time I have been half-flat. I lost my expander after BMX with TE due to necrosis. It was out for the 7 months I was in chemo, then it was replaced, expanded slowly, and exchanged with no issues - in 2012. I had a revision for new allograft in March of this year and had issues with the same area that was necrotic after the BMX. We repaired and put a smaller implant in April, but the skin would not heal and the implant was removed in May. I have a 650cc implant on the right and kind of a mess on the left! I may get flamed for this, but I have not let my husband see it, and I wont. I figure this is temporary and I know he can't un-see it, so I would rather keep it under wraps. He has no problem with seeing it, but I do. I just came across this thread on the subject of mixed recon types, you might find it interesting:
https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/44/topic/824708?page=1#idx_4
PM me if you want to.
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I had two infections/reactions with removal of expanders both times. My first expander removal (only left mastectomy) was 6 months after insertion. I developed a rash, chills, low grade temperature and redness on breast. I was on antibiotics for one week before my breast doubled in size. I was admitted to the hospital and placed on IV antibiotics but after 6 days with no improvement, it was removed. I waited 8 months, had my second mastectomy with bilateral expanders and after 6 weeks, developed chills, low grade fever and redness on both breast. Was admitted into the hospital and placed on IV antibiotics and had them removed three days later. I was on antibiotics before removals and each time nothing cultured. Were you on antibiotics before removal/testing and still tested positive for staph or how were you diagnosed with staph?
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CShell -- {{{HUGS}}}
You have been through so much. You are such a strong and beautiful warrior princess. Any boyfriend would be lucky to have you. Please don't worry about that now.
Similar to our SpecialK (Hi K!), I have had my own problems with infection and things similar to what you are going through. You can get through this! Be kind to yourself, give yourself lots of treats and rest. When you get better and stronger, and when you have time and space to think, you will know what to do.
We are all sending you love and support!
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