Starting Chemo in April 2014

mikishelley-  I remember you!   Sorry you feel unwelcome,  and I definitely don't mind people reading along without posting!  I think we have quite a few people who have said that's what they do for the most part.  Anything that helps someone along is good, and I think there have been times when all of us have been away, or just not posting, or just trying to escape cancer world for awhile.   And that's okay.   I hope this place will be helpful and healing for everyone,  no matter how much they are able to contribute. 

VeraAnn-  It is a very personal decision.   That being said, I went for the double.   I have a huge history of cancers in my family and I still have another 9 months to wait before I get in for genetic testing.   So I still don't know if I am gene positive.  I also worked on a cancer unit as well as palliative care so my view is skewed because all I saw were the recurrences and new primary cancers in the other breast (so I worry about it more than I should).  My breast surgeon said I didn't need the bilateral but my oncologist wrote in his notes that he thought I was very wise to go for the double.  I was not a candidate for lumpectomy as 95% of my breast was DCIS.  If I ever get to have a second child I will miss breastfeeding and I miss my sexual side of having breasts.  But overall I would make the same decision.   Pain was an issue for me for about 3-4 weeks and I still have not been able to sleep on my side with the TE.

Vera Ann, my experience with BMX recovery was very similar to Linda's and she offers some great advice.  I have not had my exchange yet and have been living with the Te's since January 29.  Keeping my fingers crossed that implant surgery continues as planned October 29.  My onco wants another consult for rads which is next week.  Timing will change if treatment plan changes.  It really is a year long process to recovery!

Jaimieh, you are right - I have read this also.  This is why I was aiming to do both.  Thank you for your input - truly appreciate it.  VeraAnn

mmtagirl, thank you for your encouraging reply - it definitely helps!  VeraAnn

Again, it's been a bit since I logged on ... busy again! :-)   My head space feels normal 6-1/2 weeks PFC, so I can things done.  My body, not so much as there is just no stamina.  I am on track to get to my event in California next month and the last two weeks have been spent working on the computer for that event.  Still another couple of week's work left to do.  

Have had 17/30 RADS ... actually it is 17/23 whole breast treatments, then will follow with 7 boosts.  Skin is holding up really, really well and am only starting to feel a little tired.  Not like chemo where any little thing I did made me needing a nap ... .more like I ran errands all day and need to sit and put my feet up kind of tired.

mikishelley ... I am surprised someone said anything about lurking or was nasty to you!  That is too bad ... I don't post that often, or even get a chance to get here that often, but like to know this place is here.  

Hair is growing!!  Not enough that I would feel comfortable going "out in the world" without head covering, but head is all dark now. Eyelashes and eyebrows coming back!  Only lost those 2 weeks PFC, so glad they are reappearing.  I also had to shave my legs today for the first time since the beginning of May!!  I did NOT miss doing that all summer ... one of the silver linings to all of this ... didn't have to shave and no bad hair days :-)

Good luck to those of you doing the reconstruction ... more power to you! I had a lumpectomy as my cancer was all in one quadrant and my survival rate would have been the same regardless of what surgery I had. However, I have had a recurring seroma and two breast infections. Whereas I once MIGHT have considered having a breast reduction on the non surgical breast (I am liking the new size of the surgical side), now having gone through all of this and it only finally seeming to resolve 2 weeks ago, no way will I ever go through surgery that I don't absolutely have to go through :-) Not brave enough and would worry that something would go wrong with me again. Whereas chemo was NOT fun at all, at least nothing hurt for the most part.  Yeah, had bone pain, but it only lasted for 2 days after Taxol treatments.  I had pain after surgery and had discomfort during the two infections and then again during the bouts of seeping of liquid. 

Time to go and moisturize the radiation field again ... they want me to moisturize 4 times a day and so far, so good! 

Hanf in there, Evwrforward.  The TEs do become easier to live with.  The first 6 weeks or so are the hardest.  

I won't say you will ever like them, but, after awhile you will feel like you are wearing an iron bra or turtle shells 24/7.  Not painful, just uncomfortable.  

I am learning patience through this journey.  I think I may end up with the booby prize for wearing TEs if the docs next week recommend rads after all this time!  My PS tells me that the longer you wear them the better the outcome so I keep my spirits up remembering those words.

Sharon, your schedule sounds like mine.  Just got back from internist.  Tomorrow is the geneticist.  Last Friday was the surgeon, onco and radiologist.  Then there's the physical therapist, who has time for her?

I need to see the dentist so that I can get the Zometa shot for my osteoporosis.

Cancer is a full-time job!

I had my first fill of the expanders yesterday. Oddly, even though I felt the tightness a couple hours later, I think the fill actually relieved some of my discomfort - like the sensation of someone pinching my armpit. 

It's amazing how quickly my mood and attitude can change. Looking back over the past year, a psychologist would probably have a field day with the inner dialogues that I've had with myself since my diagnosis. They kinda went like this:

"This sucks. I don't want to have cancer and I don't want to deal with surgeries and chemo and reconstruction."

"But you're a tough chick and you can do this. You're strong."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"Just shut up."

"You shut up! You've got this thing licked. You'll come out of this even better and stronger than you were before."

"All I want to do is lay on the couch, binge watch an entire season of The Walking Dead, and eat ice cream all day."

"Fine, you can have your pity party today, but then tomorrow you have to bathe, get dressed, and go outside. Buy something at the farmer's market and make yourself something healthy to eat."

"Ok, fine."

Good Morning Ladies! I have been absent from posting, but definitely still "lurking" and trying to keep up with all of you.

mikishelley - I remember you! Just thought (like others) that you were off enjoying your post-treatment days. Sorry someone was rude; maybe they meant "stalker" as something not-so-bad? Sometimes it's really hard to make a joke in text. Still, I'm sorry you were hurt, and I hope you'll still feel welcome to hang out here, even as just a "reader". We don't mind.

timbuktu - "Cancer is a full-time job." - You got that right, Sister. 

EverForward - Love that inner dialogue. Totally cracked me up! I can't count the number of times I've had the "No, YOU shut-up!" conversation with myself. Too funny.

VeraAnn - I think I'm in the minority here. I had a unilateral mastectomy on the right side. I had 3.5cm of DCIS and only 0.6mm of IDC (that was HER2+, but that's a whole 'nother story). I was given the choice of lumpectomy versus mastectomy, but NOT a choice of single or double - my BS was in a hurry to get the cancer OUT, and I agreed. I had my surgery just two weeks after diagnosis. Looking back, if I had been given the choice of both (and some time to think about it), I probably would have opted for the double mastectomy. I now spend an awful lot of time looking at my remaining breast, and wondering if there's cancer hiding in there. My 4cm cancerous lump, that you could physically SEE, did NOT show up on the mammogram. So now I worry....Also, since I haven't had any reconstruction, I lean to the left a little.

Well, Friends, I am 9 1/2 weeks PFC and I FINALLY feel like I've reached a turning point. This is SUCH a long healing process, yes? Whew. The Glutamine supplements have helped TREMENDOUSLY - I can now walk long distances and climb stairs and even SIT CROSS-LEGGED on the floor with my kids! My muscles still stiffen up more quickly, and a squatting position isn't quite there yet, but MAN, oh MAN, I feel better than I have in a LONG time.

My eyelashes are coming back. Hallelujah! The bottom ones ALL fell out, and I had about 2 dozen TOTAL left on top, and I totally looked like a chemo patient at 6 weeks post-chemo. And this was NOT FAIR. But then, this past week, I noticed teeny tiny baby lashes growing in! There was some happy dancing going on, I'm telling you! My eyebrows are nearing normal status too - I actually had to pluck a little yesterday. Hooray for the little things!

As for the hair on my head? *sigh* It is a shadow of it's former self. I used to have THICK, curly, BROWN hair. And now I have baby soft, thin, straight, hair that is more grey than brown. I'd say it's about a 1/4inch long already, but you can't really tell because it's SO THIN. Even so? I've been going out topless. Oh YES, I HAVE. And, curiously, it's the WOMEN who stare and make rude-eyes at me, as though they can not believe I would be seen in public that way. The men? Smile and nod. The children? Don't even notice. But the WOMEN, who should be lifting me up and celebrating a VICTORY? They pretty much SUCK. So, I made a Note To Myself: When you see a bald woman who is brave enough to publicly go topless, give her a high five, and tell her she's GORGEOUS.

Speaking of GORGEOUS WOMEN, *High Fives* to ALL of you!

Same hair I have at 9 weeks PFC.  Hooray for you going out topless.  I'm still wearing my hat but, you know it's kind of silly when you think about it because everyone who sees it KNOWS.  You can tell I'm bald even with the dorky hat on.  So what am I ashamed of??  When I finally am ready to ditch the hat I plan to have a ceremony in which I burn it.

My eyebrows have grown in THICKER than they were before!  How weird is that?  And yesterday I found a few stray hairs growing out of my skin, BELOW my eyes, on my cheek bone, somewhere they really did not belong.  It's as though Now that the follicles are free to grow they are over compensating.  Except for on my head!  Go figure.

So glad your energy is back Cold.  i'm at the point where I know it's not back but I kind of don't want to admit it.

I feel it SHOULD  be back by now and feel guilty giving in to fatigue.

It helps to be on here and hear that others are not back to normal either.  I look at my friends running around, doing things and I have to admit I am jealous.  But I have to remind myself to be glad I'm alive!

Speaking of hair... I have exactly two eyebrow lashes over my left eye, but both legs are furry. Seems unnecessarily cruel. And my mad scientist hairdo is coming along nicely.

Oh my word, you guys! I am loving this last page of posts, and relating like crazy! Sharon, that is hilarious! Just how I feel. I am almost finished with my first round of a new chemo, Xeloda, two weeks on and one off.  I had two weeks between ending Taxol and starting this, which added to some nausea and heartburn for me. Its pretty well worked out now, as I am taking a raft of SE meds with the Xeloda. Since I take all of this stuff orally twice a day at home, I find I am thinking about cancer more than when I had IV chemo. It takes time and attention to get the hang of remembering all the stuff to take, how much, and when. My hair is filling in a bit now, but since the new growth is really super white, my scalp shows through quite a bit. Soon I will color it all, but meanwhile, I have one wig that is comfortable and long enough to wear up with clips. Many people have told me how real it looks. I wear hats for walking and the gym.  Maybe by Christmas or so there will be enough hair to style and relax about. Energy: I am so on board with how much this stuff drains us. I can feel quite normal for a day, but if I do normal amounts of things, find that I am mentally and physically slowed down the next day, and have to almost do nothing. I loved reading your entries, Sharonde, EF, CinC, Linda, Timmy, mmta and all you others. Big hugs and big hopes for getting the time we need to go slow in the recovery process. 

Mama, feel well!

She looks great! I wish I was as brave!