Can we talk about sex?

Hi politicomama. I just finished by 6th and final chemo treatment 3 weeks ago & am starting radiation next week. I had my last period 3 months ago. Not sure if it's coming back. I just started noticing pain during penetration a week ago, despite using Astroglide lube, so I'm also searching for a solution. I'm sure it'll get worse after I get put on Tamoxifen after I finish radiation. I am ER/PR+ like you. We shouldn't take anything with estrogen because that could help cancer cells grow back. I just picked up a jar of coconut oil at Whole Foods yesterday to try as a moisturizer, based on what I've read on other boards here. If you search "painful sex," "vaginal dryness," "vaginal atrophy," and "vaginal physical therapy," you'll find more info on this topic, like what others have tried & how well they work. Different people have luck with different things. I have an appointment with my MO Thursday, so I'm also going to ask her for help. Good luck!

I was 39 at dx and am now 40..just finished chemo in June and Rads a week ago. So, I brought this subject up to my MO last week and she told me she thought it was mostly a psychological issue. I have shared with her my struggle with depression thru this and now she tells me this. I'm sure that plays some part in it, but not all.

Anyway, I have read on this board that coconut oil is good and about the scream cream. Good luck

Doctors need a good smack up side the head when it comes to how they respond to us about sexual issues.  Sorry tangandchris about your experience.  Here is my vent ( this happened to me several months back and I still fume when I think about it) - I was talking to one of my doctors about sexual issues I was having since my ooph, forced menopause, and these cancer drugs.  This is the response I got - "Well, you just may need to fake it for your husband's sake."  Seriously.  I can not make crap like this up.  Who responds to a patient that way?!  Last time I saw that doc.  Idiot.  

Makes one wonder what goes on in his bedroom.

We ought to call ourselves the Coconut queens.

Now every time I come across a woman that smells like coconut I will think of this!

I have to smile because any female doctor who says that you should just lie back and take things for your husband's sake is probably no great shakes in this department!!! Nor is any male doctor who says anything similar. The two-minute wonder???? The other thing I need to mention is that being relaxed and excited makes the whole issue of penetration go much better. Good foreplay and a day or so of teasing do wonders. Because I have learned that what goes on in the mind is at least as important as what happens physically.

Guys can be trained, as I am learning with the new guy in my life. So we are both still learning what drives the other nearly insane with desire. I had someone else in my life while going through active treatment, and it made a huge difference in how I felt about myself. In fact, he made it his personal mission to make sure that I still felt feminine and desired. (He didn't have to work too hard at this.) Alas, he is no longer with us.

If it's been a while, you will probably be especially tender. I have noticed this. As I said to my new guy, I will go for help if I need to as still a bit tender down there. (Tough times for these parts as I have also done some long cycling events recently.) And I will put things on the table with my medical team (younger guy, very vigorous and physical....both of us, think at least half an hour). A two-minute wonder is not going to understand those of us who are used to much longer sessions in the sack. I would not hesitate to bring that up.

From my training for cycling and skiing events, I am expecting my tissues in that area to recover as well. In fact, I think they are much recovered since our first time. For the record, testosterone (fortunately, not estrogen) is the sex hormone in women too, so that might be worth getting checked for anyone where lack of desire is the problem. Most women use something these days if not in a monogamous relationship as condoms (plus lubricant) are needed for self-protection.

I wish everyone good luck. Because this is so important, and I find an essential part of my being. I have been through a major drought in my life, but it was during my marriage. It's amazing when you rediscover this aspect of yourself. So love, attention, and being relaxed make all the difference. It really does. - Claire

You really do need to see an Oncology GYN. Coconut oil cares for dryness (lovely stuff by the way). but it will do nothing for vaginal atrophy or if anything else is happening down there. Once diagnosed with BC we attribute every discomfort to BC but the reality is that there may be another issue that can be taken care of.

Ladies we are complicated down there.