Hi, I guess after today's app't I was in the wrong group!

Lori -

I am so sorry that you have to join us. I remember feeling exactly what you are talking about...waiting to get the cancer out & come up with a plan...then boom everything slams into high gear and your whole life feels immersed in Cancerland.

I was in your spot right before Christmas. I stretched weird & felt a pull, and upon investigation found a lump...the rest is history. Like you I did the lumpectomy & SNB. Unfortunately for me, they could not get a clear margin on my tumor, so I too ended up with chemo...and then a second surgery. 

It has been a difficult 8 months since then, but I finished AC chemo & Taxol, had my bilateral mastectomy, and am almost 1/3 of the way through radiation. 

I am an anxious person so I have really had to make sure I keep that in check. I keep trying to remember small hurdles throughout each type of treatment so I do not get overwhelmed. I have learned to let go of things I cannot control (that has been the most difficult for me), and trust moving forward. 

Like you, I had some struggles along the way...I couldn't work because of germs, my hubby got laid off & ended up having surgery too...etc. please accept help offered by friends, family, neighbors and even friends of people who care about you. Once I allowed myself to realize it helps them to help you &most people enjoy helping...my life got a lot easier. 

It may feel now like this will never end, but I am a stage 2b, grade 3 person who was in a similar position, and I can tell you it does pass more quickly than you think. I wish for you kind caring nurses, helpful doctors and loving support of family & friends.

I hope you find a thread here with people who you connect with; who of course understand what you are going through. 

Good luck. 

Lori 

I totally understand what you are saying about independence and working hard to take care of your life and obligations. It makes accepting help hard. 

My BS is the one who said something that got through to me. She said something like:  you are a lot like me, you feel like a loser if you are not working. But you are not a loser. You are fighting a bad disease. Take care of yourself and you will be fine. This one time accept help.

It seems kind of silly, but it is how I feel. If I cannot take care of myself it means I need help & that makes me feel like a loser. In the past I would rather go without. At first accepting help with meals, or the few donations we got, made me hyperventilating. I decided to check my brain at the door  & write thank yous for everything when I felt well.

As for your hubbys schedule & how to keep life somewhat normal for him...we switched to buying some pre-made things so it was easier for both of us. Fruit that is already chopped (fresh cuts from the grocery so no prep needed), canned soups, Lean cuisine (I know kinda gross), trader Joe's frozen pastas with red sauce that he could just heat up in the microwave, pizza, broasted chicken from the deli, etc. This worked better anyway, because smells of food bothered me a lot during chemo. That was during AC. I was able to actually cook sometimes, but not too much.

I had to send him to the grocery store as my immune system was pretty bad. We ended up with a LOT of snacks in the house because that is what he picked out...not on the list. I had to let that go and be happy we had groceries.

It will be hard, but hopefully you will feel as well as I did. After a couple of bad days, I usually would start to feel better. They give you lots of med options to control pain if you have it, prevent nausea, and help you sleep if you need it. 

My husband had testicular cancer 20 years ago at age 22. My memory of his treatment & constant vomiting scared the crap out of me knowing what I had to look forward too. Things are so much better now. I did not vomit once, for which I am thankful. 

Good Luck! You will get through it. I am glad people have offered to help. Please be honest with them about what you need & give them the gift of helping. Once you do, things will become easier.

Jo

There is no way I could have worked through chemo, and I'm only half done and the side effects of neuropathy, muscle twitches, muscle fatigue (like you over did it big time at the gym yesterday, so weird jello feeling and almost cramping after 4 stairs)  and chemo brain.  I keep a running list on the island for my husband to grocery shop.  The symptoms change and some increase as you go along, chemo brain, fatigue, pealing burning feet.  I'm offline for 7 days each cycle, as the computer makes me nauseous.  This is your time to get better, it has been very hard for me to accept, as I am very active in volunteering, but have had to cut it all out.  I figure I am totally out of it for 1 week each cycle, therefore I'm giving up at least 6 weeks of my life, so that I can live a longer life.  I see it as a WIN.