Fear of Chemotherapy

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LoriGirlTexas
LoriGirlTexas Member Posts: 7
edited September 2014 in Triple-Negative Breast Cancer

I have Stage 2 Triple Negative Grade 3 Tumor. Docs say chemo before
surgery is a must. I was trying to refuse chemo because I have had
health battles for two decades in a horrible marriage that I had finally
decided to get out of. So, in the last two years, so much has turned
around for me and my health. My Fibromyalgia (and all the fun that goes
with THAT) has been in remission for almost a year. I'm on a great
eating program that has addressed and helped inflammation and arthritis
issues (dropped 20 lbs!) I've got a good regimen going for my anxiety
and depression, and I started my own business, having some success with
it just out of the gate.

Now I am supposed to put massive
amounts of poison in my body and feel like crap for the next 6 months
before I can even have this stupid tumor removed.

I am TERRIFIED
of chemotherapy. I have felt so good for such a short time. I can't see
myself willing to do it. All my family, even my sons, who are 18 and
21, want me to follow this "recovery" protocol. I just can't.

Lori

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  • WinningSoFar
    WinningSoFar Member Posts: 951
    edited September 2014

    I'm so sorry Lori that you're a member of this group that no one wants to be part of.  As you can see from my bio, I also have triple neg breast cancer.  I hate to say 'don't be afraid of chemo'.  Can you tell us what specifically terrifies you about doing chemo.  That might help. 

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  • LoriGirlTexas
    LoriGirlTexas Member Posts: 7
    edited September 2014

    Here is a pretty accurate list of what runs through my head:

    - The quality of my life will become horrible, again

    -  I think my depression will get worse (it already has)

    -  I think chemo won't really work

    - I think the cancer will come back

    - I have no confidence that the doctors see me as an individual

    - I think ultimately with my weakened immune system that the chemo will kill me. 

    And everyone tells me "Oh, MD Anderson is the best!" which is where I am to be treated. The oncologist I saw coerced me into saying yes but I didn't meant it.

    Thank you for being there to read this.

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  • Nettie1964
    Nettie1964 Member Posts: 759
    edited September 2014

    Hi Lori!  I too was scared of the chemo, however, I found it very doable!!  However, in my case, they took the tumor out before and my chemo was all preventative, or at least we hope that it acts as a preventative, but you see, since I had the tumor out first, I have no way of knowing if the chemo actually worked on my cancer!!  In some aspects, I wish I had a do over and could take the chemo first that way I would know if it worked!!

    Anyway, with all that being said, you can see from my byline what treatment I had!  I only missed work on the day of treatment, I took my treatments on Thursday and with the first two A/C treatments, I felt like I had the flu on the Saturday after treatment, just achy and tired and wanted to sleep, so that's what I did, by Sunday, I was up and at.  For treatments 3 and 4, I didn't even have that, I would sleep a little later on Saturday, but that was it!!  For the 12 weekly Taxol, I had no problems at all, and only missed 1/2 days of work on the day of treatment!!  

    they have so many meds to help with all the side effects! I had Zofran, Steroid and Emends in my IV prior to the chemo!! and they sent me home with meds for any break through Nausea, I never needed it!!  

    I too, have battled Fibromyalgia and I have severe Scoliosis and severe allergies and arthiritis, even still, with the steroids given, all the normal symptoms for these were gone!!  In fact, I'm a year out from chemo and they are just now returning, I will deal with them again as I did before!!  

    Please don't be scared, I know everyone is different, but just make sure you have a caring doctor that will address any symptons you have!  Oh and I also baby sat my 1 year old grandbaby almost everyday after work!!  

    Triple negative is a nasty little C and you need to fight it with everything they have for you!!  Like I said, having the chemo before, at least you will have the peace of knowing that it is working!  For me, I still have the fear that little cells are on the loose but that is getting better with time!

    Good luck to you!!  Keep us posted!!  This sight is awesome!

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  • Luvmydobies
    Luvmydobies Member Posts: 766
    edited September 2014

    Lori,

    I can only speak about my chemo experience because it affects everyone differently. I too was afraid of being sick and miserable all the time, but that didn't happen. They have awesome drugs for side effects as well as depression and anxiety, so keep that in mind. They also can and do also give neulasta shots after each treatment which helps to boost neutrophils to help lessen the chance of infections. I constantly washed my hands and my hubby and parents kept the house clean. I still went out and enjoyed the things I always did. There were days when I was really tired, so on those days we just stayed in and relaxed. I can understand your fears, but with Triple Negative, chemo gives you the best chance because there are no targeted therapies right now for TNBC. Chemo works best for aggressive types such as TNBC. Oh and MD Anderson is supposed to be the best. You're in my prayers. Hang in there and keep us posted! HUGS! 

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  • Luvmydobies
    Luvmydobies Member Posts: 766
    edited September 2014

    Nettie, you made an excellent post, especially since you have some of the same issues. Lori, listen to her!

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  • WinningSoFar
    WinningSoFar Member Posts: 951
    edited September 2014

    One fear that I can speak to personally is the fear that chemo won't work.  In my case, I had chemo before surgery.  I knew within two infusions that my cancer was diminishing because I could see it leaving my skin.  After 3 rounds it was nearly all gone per the ultrasounds the surgeon was doing.  I hope you have the same experience as I did (assuming you do chemo) because it definitely worked for me.  

    I did start antidepressants after being diagnosed and I have not been depressed once it reached full effectiveness.  

    As far as dying from the effects of chemo, from my experience, we triple negatives should be afraid of dying from the cancer.  My surgeon told me that if I did not treat my triple negative cancer, he thought I'd last about a year.  Right now, it's been 2 years and 11 months and I'm NED (no evidence of disease).  

    My advice:  talk to your cancer team about your fears.  You might be surprised at what they'll tell you.  And post here, by all means. 

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  • wrenn
    wrenn Member Posts: 2,707
    edited September 2014

    sorry you are faced with this.  Although I am relieved to not have chemo (cut off after first treatment) I agree with the above that it would be a different story if I had had it before surgery to know that it is working. I think if you see results then the side effects (which are minimal for some) will be worth it.  

    You can always stop if it becomes too much for you. This stuff is a nightmare any way you look at it but it does smooth out a bit once you see that you are doing ok with it.  

    Remember that things will never be like they were. You are a different person than you were with different skills so although life will still throw shit at you it will be different shit and you might find that you really are up for it.  Look what you have accomplished so far.

    Take care of yourself.

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  • LoriGirlTexas
    LoriGirlTexas Member Posts: 7
    edited September 2014

    Thank you so much for your reply...that is very uplifting, and the dose of rationality I needed! :)

    Lori

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  • LoriGirlTexas
    LoriGirlTexas Member Posts: 7
    edited September 2014

    Thank you so much, Nettie

    💜

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  • LoriGirlTexas
    LoriGirlTexas Member Posts: 7
    edited September 2014

    Thank you

    💜

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