The news isn't good
The pathology report isn't complete but so far both the mass and the lymph node were positive. The mass is invasive ductal carcinoma, grade 2, lymph node is metastatic carcinoma.
No microcalcifications identified.
So, that's it. I won't know more until my appt. with the BS on Tuesday.
Hope somebody else got better news today.
Comments
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Hopeful,
I am sorry for your diagnosis. A lot will be happening in the next few days/weeks. Remember to breathe, take notes at appts or take someone with you to take notes. The road is at times difficult and scary, but you can do this. This place has many threads with women who have lots of experiences and are all willing to share and help you.
One you know more about your diagnosis and have been presented with possible treatments, you can come here and look up those threads. There is a chemo thread and a surgery thread that starts every month. You'll be able to share with a group of ladies who are going thru the same as you at the same time.
There are also those who have completed that return to or stay on threads to offer guidance.
I wish you the best and shall be praying for you,
Vivian
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I'm so sorry, Hopeful, that you join our motley crew. Vivian gives great advice. Take deep breaths. You will get through this and you will be happy again, as hard as that is to believe. It is so hard to go from a healthy woman one day to a woman with cancer the next. I know that's how I felt and I was angry. You're entitled! But, that will pass too.
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Hugs! I think seeing my dx in writing was harder for me than hearing it from the doctors. I'm not a person who avoids bad news or gets into denial, but to this day (4 months later) I still cannot flip to the path report in my cancer binder. It makes me feel queasy. Nothing in my life has ever given me such a visceral feeling as that document did.
You have a rough road ahead, but not as rough as you may imagine. I felt a whole lot better once a plan was in place and I got on the treatment path. Surround yourself with friends and family and try to take good care of yourself. I wouldn't want to relive those initial days ever again, but I can say that my life right now, while in treatment, is manageable and a WHOLE lot less scary.
We are here for you! Ask, vent, cry, we'll keep virtually hugging you as long as you need it.
Linda
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Thank you, Linda, Alex, Naiviv.
I haven't been able to tell anyone yet - husband's still at the office, can't tell family for a while. It helps a lot to be able to come here.
Linda - I understand that pit of the stomach feeling about looking at the pathology report. It was the way I felt when my baby brother was diagnosed with esophageal cancer - couldn't stand to read anything about it as the statistics are beyond horrible. I still can't - and he's 2.3 years past surgery and doing well. I know my chances are probably better than his were but I hate to have to go through this and to put my husband through this, as well as the rest of my family.
To me, while one may survive this and eventually be officially 'NED' that doesn't mean cured - I've seen it recur in so many instances, sometimes years later. It's a brick always hanging over one's head. I don't know how to live with that - on top of all the physical effects of treatment, and all the rest of it. I feel pretty lost right now.
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Hopeful - So sorry you find yourself here. I was lost in the beginning too. I started shaking when the BS called and I didn't stop for months unless I was asleep. You do realize that the fact it is in the nodes does not mean you have "mets". right? It is so hard to wrap our minds around the fact that it can recur, but you'll get there. We learn to live with that knowledge but it takes time to accept it. Don't worry about "putting" anyone else through it. You'd be there for them if roles were reversed, and I bet you'd consider it a privilege. It needs to be all about you for a while. The ladies have given you great advice. Hang in there. Ask you doc for meds if you need them. They were made for times like these, and you wouldn't have to take them forever, just for a little while. Gentle hug. -
Thanks, Lucy. Your advice and hug are appreciated. I do have some Ativan - I wouldn't have slept sine the US and spot mamm. without it. I've never needed anything before but I'm grateful to have it now.
Your beagle looks so much like one we had when I was in high school - and one a cousin has now. They're really sweet little dogs and always bring a smile to my face, even though we're strictly a one cat household these days.
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NOooooo....Hopeful, I am so sorry to find you are here in this forum..But we have all been were you are and once you see your BS and know more information you will be able to sit down and plan an attack. It feels good to have a plan. I wish you all the luck in your journey. Keep us posted after you see your BS. Don't forget to breathe!!
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Thanks a lot, Mischief. Tuesday's appt. seems a long ways away...
Thanks for the reminder to breathe!
Have a good weekend.
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Hi Hopeful
I wish I could give you a big hug. I was diagnosed 3 months ago and I was a mess. I couldn't eat or sleep. The beginning is the hardest part. I did get Xanax and then my onco switched me to Ativan. Farmerlucy was there for me when I simply fell apart ( love you Jill). My cancer also went to one of my lymph nodes - blasted disease. Please let your family know soon. They will support you. My husband has been very supportive. I don't know how I would get through this without him. When my mind goes to bad places he pulls me out of that. The waiting is awful. It gets better hang in there sweetie
Nancy
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Your kindness is really helpful, Nancy. I can't really tell my family yet - my Dad's 90th birthday is in 2 weeks and a) we're having a big party with lots of relatives, etc.. I'm in charge of it b) I don't want to sock my Dad with this until after that time, even though I would LOVE to sit down with him and pour it all out. I saw how hard it was for all of us when my brother was dx. I'll talk with them after the party, after we've (hopefully) gotten results from the scans, etc.
Nancy, I see that you did (are doing?) chemo. Is that pretty standard when a node is involved? I was really hoping to get away with a lumpectomy and radiation....I know each ca. is different and you're probably not an oncologist so won't hold you to anything. I"m just trying to get a sense of how bad this is going to be and how I'm going to need to reorganize my work life.
I know I'm not sounding very hopeful right now, am I?
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hi Hopeful
No not everyone with a lymph node involved will have chemo. It depends on a lot of things that will be in your pathology report. Whether or not you have an oncotype test if you are ER +. I hope you get some good news on Tuesday. Do you think you could at least tell your husband. I hate to see you keep this all in. I understand not telling your dad and the rest of the family until later but you need the support from your hubby. I waited a while to tell my daughter. She's in college and was going through finals. I will keep checking this thread and offer any support I can. And believe me I didn't want to do chemo either. I was so adamant about not doing it but here I am. It's doable.
Hugs
Nancy
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Thanks, Nancy - Yes, Steve's been with me through the biopsy process - insisted on driving me and working remotely during the procedure. I'll tell him the results when he gets home tonight but heaven knows when that will be...
Might discuss it with my survivor brother. Don't know how to tell my sister - she's in OK (I'm in the NW), in a new position, always stressed. She'll be here for the party but just briefly - don't want to throw it at her as she boards her flight home, you know? I'm thinking of waiting until she gets home and then calling her, and having her godmother (to whom she's very close and who has been through breast cancer) on standby to pick up the pieces and help her deal with it. I don't think I can.
What do you think of that approach?
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I think that's a very good approach. You are the typical woman who always puts others first. We all do it - it's how we are wired. Do take some time for yourself with your hubby. Go to the movies or something. I know I tended to dwell on it when I was at home. I am glad your husband will know even though it's hard. My husband was shocked, but he always puts things in perspective and doesn't freak out like ahem I sometimes do.
As hard as it is and sounds unbelievable right now you will get through this. Sheesh if I can do it (big wimp here) then anyone can. Big hugs
Nancy
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A thousand thanks, Nancy.
Are you still in the midst of chemo?
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yes after one more a/c treatment I will switch to weekly taxol . That goes until the end of December. We are throwing everything at this cancer (radiation too). I hope you can relax a little over the weekend. I will be thinking of you.
More hugs for you
Nancy
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hello sweetie been where u are and know your feelings But HOPE is what you need to hold on to, I was very Positive after I got my cry out, I was ready to fight, and fight I did, in the beginning , and a short itme after treatment ended I was always thinking about recurring But I prayed and got back to work and started writing in a journal, and then I kept saying I will get pass this and I dont think about recurrin, and for INSPIRATION dear I am along time Survivor, (20yrs Praise GOD) , so come here for those of us who do think Positive to get you thru this. msphil(idc, stage 2, 0/3 nodes,L mast chemo 3 moths before surgery and 3 months after, my body rejected the implanted expander and hardened, so just prothesis I wear now, and got married between chemo and rads and this all happened while we were planning our wedding, so stay strong, once things get into place things will become Bearable.
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Hopeful, as I await my MRI scheduled for Thursday, Sept 11, my biggest fear if something shows up is how to tell my children. They are young adults, but the last thing I want is to have them worrying about me. It is so typical that we, as women, worry so much about others. But sometimes I think that even helps us, as we try to be strong for others. I remember when my mom died many years ago, I knew I couldn't fall apart because I had to be strong for my kids. But I think you can allow yourself to fall apart for a little bit, cry, even have a "pity party" for a little while if you need to. Then you will concentrate on your plan of action and you will get through this. All of the women here are so supportive and will be here for you every step of the way.
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Hopeful,
Just checking in, see how you are doing today. What I am about to say, may sound difficult to do, but if you get a chance to go out today to see a movie or to dinner or just for a walk in the mall, please do it. Soon enough you'll have to deal with your doctors and your plan of action/attack.
Enjoy today and tomorrow, put the news away until you have to deal with it.
Here if you need me,
Vivian
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Thank you, each of you - Nancy, Ms. Phil, Cary, Vivian. Your words and advice and caring really help.
I imagine I'll be better after the appt. on Tuesday - at least I'll know some of the worst of it and what the options are. Right now the news just seems to be getting worse and worse. I do need to allow myself a little pity party and get it out of my system.
In the meantime I've got stuff to get out in the mail and errands to run. I wish I could just turn off other people's needs for a while!
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Hopeful,
How is your news getting worse? Please wait to hear from your MD. Do what you can. If it can wait to get done, let it wait.
V
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Vivian -
As to the news getting worse - parsing the path report, it isn't as bad as it could be, but it's certainly not the best. I'm worried about what type of surgery I'll need and whether it will be chemo or rad. I know each one is different but I see women on here with similar diagnoses who ended up with mastectomies and chemo, to say nothing of lymph node dissection. I've seen the results of the latter and it often seems to result in lifelong problems. I'm trying not to borrow trouble but.... It looks like there could be a long road and a lot of downtime between now and when I'll be able to get back to anything near normal. I'm mourning my sense of physical intactness and ability to do just about anything I need to do.
As to the projects and errands, unfortunately, all the stuff that has to get done HAS to get done. By me. Bleah, as Snoopy used to say.
I see that you had lymph node dissection - how's that worked out for you?
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hi hopeful
As hard as it is try not to go there until you get there ok? I know it's easier said then done especially now. In a way it's good that you have things that need to be done as maybe those things will take your mind off of it even if just for a short time. We are all thinking of you.
Many hugs
Nancy
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Hopeful, I read the responses you're getting from this wonderful community, and I think that you are roughly where I was three months ago. It is so weird to think how my life changed in such a short time. Even weirder when I felt so healthy to know I had a malicious hitchhiker.
How to tell family, friends, workmates? How to come to terms with what the future threatens while trying to hold those who love you together?
The responses you have had are like open arms, sad you must be with us but ready to comfort and counsel. This forum is a good place: to learn, to vent, to reach out your own arms when you are ready.
Sending good and *hopeful* thoughts.
Amy
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Hopeful, I read the responses you're getting from this wonderful community, and I think that you are roughly where I was three months ago. It is so weird to think how my life changed in such a short time. Even weirder when I felt so healthy to know I had a malicious hitchhiker.
How to tell family, friends, workmates? How to come to terms with what the future threatens while trying to hold those who love you together?
The responses you have had are like open arms, sad you must be with us but ready to comfort and counsel. This forum is a good place: to learn, to vent, to reach out your own arms when you are ready.
Sending good and *hopeful* thoughts.
Amy
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Thank you so much, Amy. Isn't it appalling to realize how many women go through this? I say forget "Awareness" and let's make "The Cure" unnecessary - I want prevention, as in, a vaccine or something. (Edited earlier post for accuracy.)
When my brother was diagnosed with cancer he told me he considered himself 'a healthy person with a cancer.' I think that will be my approach, too, once I get some answers, get my mind around this and work through the pity party.
I so value your kind thoughts and all those that have been expressed, and I'm looking forward to the day that I'll be able to turn around and pass some of that on to others.
And yes, I do realize there are several different types of breast cancer so probable that a single vaccine couldn't prevent all, but I can dream!
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Hopeful -
Chiming in as I near my one year anniversary of being diagnosed. It seems like yesterday. The ladies have given you great advice. The only thing I can add came from a very good friend, who does not have cancer. She told me to "go with what you know". Or "don't put the cart before the horse". Or "don't board the train until it gets to the station". Basically, they are all saying the same thing. Stay in the now and not in the "what if". Don't use your energy worrying about what you don't know. Save it for kickin' cancer's butt!
Go with what you know. That one phrase became my mantra for the first few months. It stopped many a pity party in its tracks and kept me from going to dark places I had no business going. I still use it from time to time...and probably will for the rest of my life.
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Hopeful - I am sorry that you have joined us, but glad in that we are a supportive group.
I agree with everyone here. The waiting after the diagnosis is often the hardest part. Once you have a treatment plan in place and actually get started, you will feel better - like you are doing something and have something to fight. Right now, don't worry about things you can't control. You know your diagnosis. You will get a treatment plan and kick cancer in the butt! One breath at a time, okay?
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I am hopeful now. Biopsy on Tuesday. Was keeping track through your initial post, and was saddened to see you ended up on this board. Just wanted to say that I'm so sorry about your news. I'm not sure how I would/will do it! I'm already so angry! There are so many advances in cancer care. Things are getting better every day. Wishing you love and wellness!
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Good morning, I read your post and I just wanted to tell you to be encourage and trust God, he is your hope.
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V & ML - thanks for your good advice. I think it IS the fact that I just don't have a clue what the treatment plan might be (it sounds as though it could go in a variety of directions) that's part of what's so tough. Also, I like to know things - I don't need certainty but I thrive on information and right now there isn't any other than the bare bones info from the path report. Since there's so much more that I don't know, it's tough to keep from wondering.
Thanks for the reminder to breathe!
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