Monday club lol
Comments
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Red- your September appt will be here soon! Hope they put you on the AI too.
June- dreams! Long ones that seem to last all night. I take it in the morning too.
I go back to BS tomorrow. I know he is going to say flap:(. We shall see
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Hi, I finally called my nurse and told her some of what was happening and she sent me for a bone scan for arthritis, I think. She never really said. I'm not comfy with her.
Jodi, I get the dreams too. At least they're not nightmares like I used to get. I just didn't relate it to tamoxifen. But you're right. Been having them about that long.
Why does the medical profession continue to say that tamoxifen has no side effects? Seems most people have some, even if they're relatively benign, like long dreams.
Oh well. I'm off tomorrow. Yay! Looking forward to my day.
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red - when's the bone scan? hope all goes well. are you switching to AI??
tamxo has a lot of SE..but the medical professions play it down a lot. i just got my period after 3-4 months.....
wonder how's piper doing....
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how come i got a notification of new post but no new post??
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Hi June,
Haven't heard from Piper since she last popped in. Same with Jodi.
Bone scan went well, although I think the person who gave me the injection was new cuz it hurt like hell. I have my mammo and u/s on Monday afternoon, then find out all my results on the 25th. I'm hoping they let me go off Tamoxifen but I don't know if they will. I don't really like or trust my PN, and doubt that she will do anything for me except say I'm getting old. I'm 57 and before all this stuff happened I didn't have any of these SE's. I sure got old fast!!!! I AM NOT OLD!!! There. Okay. I feel better.
Hope all is going well with you June,
Hugs'n'kisses,
Deb
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hi deb - haha, i love your sense of humor. i am glad your bone scan went well. did you ask your MO to switch to another hormone blocker? I pm'd piper and she's doing fine and busy. hope she'll drop by soon.
nowadays i felt weekends just fly by. exercising, grocery shopping and preparing meals....sigh, sometimes i just want to sit there and do nothing for like a day..i am a couch potato by nature....
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hey y'all! I've been back teaching and consuming my time with the girls afterschool stuff. Red- great news about the bone scan!!
June- I could crash and stay on my couch all day lol! My DH is out of town this weekend and it has been nice to be lazy with the girls;).
I told my DH I feel like I am running away from cancer. Or at least I am hiding from it. Pretending it is all good and normal and doing what I used to do. But, we know that is not true. I have had some meltdowns and anger the last few weeks. I contribute that to working, Tam and restless nights. Or perhaps just the emotional backlash from chemo/rads. Mentally, I got to get my head back. I understand I have been through hell and back, but it is time to put that behind me and live now. Easier said then done:). My scans are Oct 7-8. I am scared as hell about them. I just had so much in me, but I gave it everything too. Just need to breathe lol! A vacation would be nice lol! Someday!!
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Hey there, I must say that after almost a year of various types of stuff happening to each of us, I'm glad we are still together. Right from scared about the diagnosis to today. It's pretty cool. And to both of you, couch potatoes of the world, Unite! lol
Thanks for filling us in on Piper, June. I know you're still here too Piper!
Jodi, you're not alone in that feeling. I'm in a holding pattern until I get all my scan, mammo and u/s results back. I'm putting one foot in front of the other and being as normal as possible. With a smile on my face when I feel anything but happy. Speaking of meltdowns, I had one of epic proportions on Thursday. Cried at work, was ready to quit, all I wanted to do was go home and bury my head in a pillow. Ah well, some days it just gets the better of us. We get over that too.
Well, I really am going to go bury my head in a pillow now as it's my beddie bye time.
Wish I could meet you guys someday.
Hugs'n'kisses,
Deb
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checking in on y'all:). I am going to tell myself to check in at least every 2 weeks. I know we are out living! I head back to Md oct 7-8 for the scans. I think it is really gone. Praying it is!
Still having temper issues at times. I think SE of meds plus not good sleeping nights. My youngest has been sick with mono. No kissing just a 22 month old that put something in her mouth and caught it no doubt. What about sweats?! Mine are kicking now! Joy
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hello girls!!!
so glad to read your posts....
deb - how are the scans? hope they are all clean. did you switch to a different hormone blocker?? it does feel great that we began the journey together and we still together.
jodi - keep my fingers crossed for your scans. do you exercise daily? it really helps to subside the SE of tamoxifen. and you can get some Valerian root tea to help you sleep. give it a try....
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Hi all. Got the results of my bone scan, arthritis but no mets! Yay! I get the results of my mammo and U/S on Thursday, but the U/S tech understood my concerns and 'accidentally' let it slip that she saw nothing of note! Double yay! Plus they didn't rush me off for a biopsy, so I have a good feeling about Thursday's results. Oh hey, I switched to taking my Tamoxifen in the morning and it has eased some of the SE's somewhat. Thanks for the advice.
Jodi, good luck for the scans. June is right, exercise really does help with SE's. I know with three little ones, you probably get tons of a certain type of exercise but the walks are never brisk are they? lol. I found Melatonin was helpful to get to sleep, but upon reading more, I discovered that Melatonin is sensitive to light and switches off if exposed to it. It does seem to work better in the pitch black. For the night sweats, I am on Gabapentin and Effexor. My OB/Gyn recommended it and my MO approved it. Again it seems to help somewhat too, although the best thing I've found so far is a small fan on my bedside table that I can roll toward when sweat starts raining from my body. lol
June, you recently moved and such didn't you? Did you get your apartment all set up to your liking? I know it was a little while ago, but my memory is shot and I don't remember things the way I used to. But you were living with your parents in the late spring, weren't you? Or your parents with you, or... O dear. I really am failing in the memory dept.
Calling Piper, where for art thou, Piper? Knock, knock, can Piper come out and play? Hope all is going well with you love. I miss you around here.
Well, hope everyone is doing as well as can be.
Hugs'n'kisses,
Deb
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Hey I was just coming on here to check on you all. My job has been crazy lately as it's the beginning of the school year and there has been so much paperwork to do, which is not a strength of mine. I've had to lean on my new boss more than once but she's been very kind about it. I fear that the stress will make me worse, but it seems to be letting up some so that's a good thing.
I'm kind of in a holding pattern right now--the tumor is not going anywhere, which is good and bad I suppose. Doc said if it doesn't get bigger I could live with this for years. I don't really like the idea of that but I can deal I think. I'm to a point where I'm thinking I should go ahead and get surgery but since it's not urgent, I'll wait till a more convenient time and unfortunately that means some time over the holidays.
Holistic therapy is quite different, that's for sure, and while I feel great physically, one thing I'm dealing with right now is major depression. I've heard that this is a symptom of cancer, and for those of you in remission, do keep an eye on your mood. Anyway, for awhile there I was feeling really good, despite the fact that the dental work was putting a major load on my body, but I was also happy to be losing weight and looking better. But now the dental work is done and I should be better but I'm worse, moodwise. Hard to say too how much is perimenopause and how much is the cancer and how much is the stress, but I've got to get a handle on this b/c a big part of holistic therapy is keeping away from depression and stress. I've begun to see a counselor and it's amazing how much sick stuff is coming out of me. If you've ever heard of "the cancer personality" I've got it in spades. So, that is the next part of my treatment plan and hopefully this is a case of I've got to feel worse before I can feel better.
Anyway, I think all of you have mentioned meltdowns--probably not the SE of meds b/c I'm having them too. It's probably the stress of having cancer itself and the fact that one major symptom of cancer is depression as mentioned before. We've all been to hell and back and it's natural that we're going to have some fallout. Combine that with various menopausal symptoms and it's a perfect storm. One thing I do is keep a bottle of GABA in my desk at work--the chewable kind so I can get it in my system quicker. It's like a natural valium that you can get at the health food store. My bro laughs at my remedies, but I gave him one at mom's funeral b/c he was falling apart and next day he wanted to know where to get some of that. LOL, it does work on a temporary basis, but great for stopping a meltdown.
Red, so glad to hear about your clear scans and Jodi, praying for yours. I must confess that I'm feeling a little jealous and wondering if I made the right decision b/c you guys are on the other side of yours, but again, we did what we felt was right at the time and I'm still hanging in there, at least not getting worse. June, you've addressed the rest of us, but how are you doing?
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Hello All,
It's been 2 1/2 years now since my last radiation treatment. I made it through chemo, now on tamoxifen ( and blood pressure meds ). Feeling very depressed.... Guess I always feel like I'm waiting to get smacked back down again by cancer... Anyone else feel like this?
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deb - haha....actually you remembered most of it. i went home to visit my parents back in march and i moved in june. i can't imagine living with my dad, he's going to stress me out lol. the apt is quite nice and bit noisy, but it's the best deal i could ever had. the rent is quite low for NYC standard.
piper - **waving** glad to see you back. i am doing okay, work has kept me very busy. sis just came visit me with her family. we had a great time. very exhausted though.
about your choice, i hope i had the answer. but one thing i want to comment is to ask your surgeon what would happen if you don't have your lymph nodes taken out. if i had the knowledge i have now, i would have asked my surgeon not to remove 2/3 of it. i don't have LM yet but it's bothering me a little -- tight arm/wrist....
Hi Traci!!!!!!
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what happened??
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Pipers,
I am glad your situation is stable and has not worsened. Do you still see the naturopath doctor? I still try to jump on the trampoline every day but don't have the stamina to do it like you for 20 minutes. Did you ask the naturopath doctor to try other approaches as far as supplements, etc to see if the tumor can be reduced in size? I have heard that eating apricot kernels is good for us (1 kernel for 10 pounds of body weight) scattered during the day and not all at once. What brand of GABA are you using?
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Hello new2bc. Welcome to the Monday Club. I am glad to see that you are exercising every day - it's by far one of the best things for ladies with bc. I am concerned about the Apricot Kernels - you are aware that there is a significant amount of cyanide in them, right? I will paste what I read...
In 1993, the New York State Department of Agriculture and Markets tested the cyanide content of two 220 gram (8 oz) packages of apricot kernels imported from Pakistan that were being sold in health-food stores as a snack. The results showed that each package, if consumed entirely, contained at least double the minimum lethal dosage of cyanide for an adult human. The apricot pits were recalled and removed from stores.
Be careful how many you eat sweetie.
Piper, I'm depressed enough lately to have actually told my doc about it. That's a first for me. He has recommended counselling. I've never heard of the 'Cancer Personality', what is it? Also, what is GABA? Sorry you're going through a rough time right now. (((Pipers)))
Jodi, only a few more weeks till Scan result day right? Hope all goes well honey. How are your 3 adorable little ones? Any new pics?
June, Pipers is right - how are you doing? You never say! Come on, spill it, we want it all. lol Also, I think we lost Tracy because there were a few days till we answered her post. Maybe she decided to go for a more active site.
Hugs'n'kisses to you all.
Deb
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Hi Red,
I buy my apricot kernels from a company that grows them in California. I know they still have cyanide in them but I read somewhere the cyanide will only affect the cancer cells to kill them. I eat 8 of them everyday right now but I have seen people eat more ( 1 per 10 lb of body weight) distributed during the day if you have advanced cancer. Cancer scares me more than cyanide at least it is a quick death.
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Hi New, ok, your body and your decisions. You haven't yet posted your dx or treatments and at first I thought you were new to bc but then I noticed you joined in Dec 2012. So then, since you are still scared of cancer, is that because you have a particularly aggressive type, or is this your second time around? Either way is the pits. Have a great weekend.
Deb
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deb, jodi, piper & new - my life is quite boring lol. work has kept me busy most of the time. am adjusting to my new apt and i do enjoy the shorter commute.
recently i've been indulging into ice cream. i liked junk food and now i can't have them as often as i was used to. and i get blue from time to time. thinking about my ex..i am going to be alone - not that i want to go thru dating but the comfort of a companion. i understand i should be content with my life...but sometimes i just want a little bit more.
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June, that's a big part of why I"m so blue. I was just getting geared up to start getting serious about dating again after my ex left 5 years ago, but then this came along. It sucks to be alone, esp with so little of my family left. I have 2 daughters but they've flown the nest and it's just me living in a place where I don't have a lot of friends as I just moved here last year. Anyway, don't worry about what you should feel--ever heard the expression, "Thou shalt not 'should' thyself"? Also remember, boring is good. Remember all the excitement last year? I'll take good old boring any day.
ABout the apricot pits--I read a good rule of thumb with them--don't eat more pits than you could the whole fruit. So, if you can't possibly see yourself being able to eat 15 apricots in a day, don't eat that many pits. I could though--I love apricots and I'm sure I've downed more than the equivalent of that when they were dried. Probably not a good idea now though what with the sugar.
Red, GABA is a neurotransmitter in the brain that keeps you from getting anxious. You can buy it in chewables and that gets it in your system quicker when you're in crisis mode. As for the cancer prone personality, here's a good article.
From that article: "Imagine a person who never felt fully welcome during childhood, or simply had cold, distant, or demanding parents who gave little or no encouragement. Later, this person conforms to what everyone expects of them, to avoid conflict. They safeguard their emotional security by investing heavily in their profession, marriage or children.
When that investment is threatened or lost, the childhood grief returns, and the emotional suffering is more profound than ever — leading to feelings of helplessness, despair, and abandonment.
When the second "hit" strikes, a person's psychological and/or physical structure may collapse.
The Emory University lab of Charles B. Nemeroff, MD, PhD, published a study based on this theory… finding that depressed adult patients with traumatic childhoods had stronger inflammatory factors — ones contributing to cancer development — and reacted far more than most people to lab-induced stress."
That certainly describes me perfectly. I was completely invested in my marriage and children--had been married 23 years and the girls were teens when he came out gay. It was quite a big bomb to drop and even though I was not as much in love with him as I would have hoped, it's also true that I'd pulled him around me like a security blanket. Right now part of my therapy is to be less of a weenie.
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piper, dried apricots have even lower GI index than fresh....i love apricots too bad we passed the season...
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Hi Piper, June, Jodi and New. This was Thanksgiving weekend for us Canucks, so I am gobbling around the house feeling full and trying not to pass wind. lol. Hope you had a nice Columbus Day if your state celebrates it.
Piper and June, I always have semi-dried apricots in the house that I use in stuffings for pork and just munching on occasionally.
Piper, once again you sent me to the internet to look something up. I think you are very good for me as you always make me think and question things. Now I know what GABA is - the reviews were super. I might look into that one because I've been in the basement again lately and would like to crawl up those stairs into the light. About the cancer prone personality, I've been reading alot about how being positive and proactive actually keeps people from getting cancer while people who are depressed and reactive are more prone to it. Weird.
Jodi, I hope your scans last week showed NED. Keeping both fingers and toes crossed and saying some prayers too. (((hugs)))
Anyway, I just wanted to say hi.
{{{{hugs}}}}
Deb
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Red- I am the worst! So sorry for not posting until now. I went last week back for X-ray, ct scan and ultrasound. All were clear and NED. That was just WEDNESDAY though so not to long ago. I had an apartment this summer in Houston for rads. It was nice, but I am glad to be home.
Piper- I went to the therapist during treatment. There is more to healing from this then just the tumour. It leaves a mark on your soul too. Really helped a lot especially dealing with my dad being sick at the same time and all. My dad passed 2 weeks after I finished chemo. It was a hard blow. My mom came to Houston with me for the 7 1/2 weeks of radiation. Looking back I don't know how either of us did that just days after we let him go. I digress- but talking really helped a lot going through all of that.
June- ICE CREAM:) I try to behave but I am a sweet tooth! Sometimes some chocolate is just what I need!
New- hope things are going well your way!
Therapy and Chocolate hmmm that sounds like a good combo right?!
We had a tornado go through town yesterday during school. That was the closet I have ever been to that kind of weather. Everyone is ok and my house is too. Just another thing I have lived through during this crazy year.
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Hey all, I just found something even better than GABA! It's called EFT and it's a simple routine where you tap on your acupuncture meridians and say affirmations while you do it. The whole routine takes about a minute but it's amazing how much better you feel after. Here's a video: EFT How-to Video I've been on this about a week and it's amazing how much better I feel--less stressed and less depressed. Anyway, the best part is that it's free. I know we are all still pretty stressed so wanted to share.
And Jodi, sorry to hear about your dad--you having needs was probably good for your mom though since she had something and someone else to focus on.
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HI ladies!!!
Jodi - i am sorry about your father. and i read you got a clean scan, congrats!!
deb - happy thanksgiving!! i work for a canadian company and sadly we didn't get to have two thanksgiving...haha. we just had a team lunch yesterday on the house, the food was so yummy, i had risotto. lots of carb and i had a glass of red wine. i had a great time.
piper - thanks for the video...these days i couldn't feel any emotions just been going with the flow. work has sucked most of my energy.
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Hi all,
Jodi, I too am sorry about your dad. Pipers is right about your mom - it was probably a very mixed bag for her. Concern over you would lessen her grief over your dad a bit, but she also probably felt very overwhelmed at so many things beyond her control happening to her family. Either way, you are both beyond that point now and celebrating the coveted NED! Congrats! Nice also to hear that you are back in LA, although I wish all of you lived closer since I would really like to meet you all. June is in NYC, Pipers in MO, you in LA and I'm in southern Ontario. NYC is a 15 hour drive, LA a 6 hour plane ride and, MO is about a 13 hour drive - kind of looks like Pipers is in the middle, maybe we'll all meet at your house one day.
Pipers, I watched the video you posted and am going to give it a try. I will need to watch it again though, just to get it all down correctly. I also sent it to my DD who has been racking up diplomas and certification in the last 2 years. She is a disabled nurse practitioner who, after her fall and broken back 4 years ago, is now also .... a qualified herbalist, a master Reiki teacher, a certified crystal healer and several other things. I thought she would find this of interest in her quest to become a holistic healer. Each Sunday of the new moon she does a distance healing at 9pm EST. Although she always includes my BCO friends in general, she can send more specific healing if you give permission, then all you do is sit quietly for 15 mins at that time. PM me if you would like more info. That goes for Jodi and June and New as well.
June, is it possible that your lack of emotions right now is the very thing you need EFT for? Or perhaps the fact that work is sucking out all of your energy? I really, really do understand and if you doubt it, go to the top of the page and reread the paragraph that I wrote to start this thread. You work for a Cdn company? Can I ask which one? Thanksgiving at my home is a ton of family members, ham, turkey, stuffing, mashed cheesy potatoes, squash, peas, beans, brussel sprouts or asperagus covered in cheese, and this year, 5 different types of pie with ice cream and cool whip.
New, I hope you didn't take my comments as criticism. We all made a deal, long ago, to be totally honest with each other and to try to help as much as possible. I'm very glad we did because we have all said some things on this thread that we probably haven't told others in our quest not to worry family and friends.
So, okay, now we're down to me. Unfortunately, I did not get the coveted NED. On the other hand, I also did not get the 'go back for more surgery' either. I am on a 6 week watch as they have found another lump. Damn it. They don't know what kind of lump though, since it is fairly close to where the last one was. So more tests to find out if it is a water or calcium deposit or something equally B9. Hopefully, it is. I had my heart set on an NED without even realizing it and it is amazing how crushed and kind of betrayed I felt. Ended up calling my PCP who has recommended..... drum roll please ..... therapy! Ok, so that's now 3 of us who have been there June, don't feel at all bad if you call for help.
That's all the news for today, so I'll sign off for now, but not before wishing you all the very best of everything your heart desires.
Hugs'n'kisses,
Deb
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oh deb,
i am so sorry to hear you got another lump. hope it's benign. pls keep us posted. ((((hugs))))
i bought a rebounder, hopefully it'll help to get rid of the LE on my right fingers (index + middle). sigh, LE is such a pain in the....
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I am so glad I didn`t get LE June. I feel bad for what you are going through. Compression sleeves and all. Yuck.
I will keep you posted. Thanks for your good thoughts.
Hugs`n`kisses
Deb
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I had problems with LE from feb to August. the compression sleeves were too big and I never got a custom made. When I was at MDA a few weeks ago, I was measured for a flex machine thing. It is suppose to massage out the fluid. I am suppose to use it daily for 10 minutes and was told it is relaxing. Not sure when I will get it since insurance has to be involved. I had the worse swelling in my right thumb at the base and in the webbing between the index finger. My thumb will still get swollen if I sleep on my right side where the lymph node were taken. Joy! I'd rather worry about swelling from now on then Cancer so I'll take it. Just is no fun!
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