Angry and isolated. Friends Rah Rahing me. Hate it

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  • dwill
    dwill Member Posts: 312
    edited September 2014

    Librarian, Bayou and Lilly, anyone going through this would understand. And... Don't let me talk about the so call friends that wants to pretend that I am fine and looking good. They change the subject if I start to talk about the Cancer and the SEs.  It's like they want me to join in their pretend world. Yet, they have stopped inviting me to their functions. 

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  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 3,534
    edited September 2014

    yup i feel abandoned by friends and family who are just not interested in the realities of ut all

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  • NatsFan
    NatsFan Member Posts: 3,745
    edited September 2014

    In retrospect, my active treatment time (over 6 years ago) turned out to be a good time for "housecleaning" of my relationships.  For those friends/family who abandoned me, I looked at each one.  

    A few I could understand - during that time, one friend was going through her father's death, and another had sunk into a severe clinical depression.  While they were not there for me during my time of need, I also wasn't there for them at their time of need.  We both understood and our friendships endure. 

    I had revelations about others.  For one friend, I had the realization that for many years everything had been all about her and her needs and her dramas.  For other friends, I realized that they just were good time friends, who didn't like to deal with bad times.  Those people are now no longer part of my life.  There was never any formal break or angry words, but I just allowed the friendships to drift away.

    On the good side, I also found new closer friendships with friends, family members, and co-workers who stepped up to the plate.  I treasure that new found closeness with these people.

    It hurts at the time to be abandoned.  But it helps to look at this time as a golden opportunity to open your eyes and see your friends and family as they really are.  Remain close to those who you wish to be close to, and let the others go.   

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  • Kite
    Kite Member Posts: 265
    edited September 2014

    NatsFan- I loved how you put that. I had a nice housecleaning my first round of cancer. I still have a very close friend who during my original diagnosis just had a baby (second one) and is single. Not much she could do. I couldn't do much for her either. Considering I had 3 of my own. This second time around she just had another baby.... we just do the best we can. 

    My favorite people (sarcasm oozing) are the ones who were sooooo sorry that they weren't there for me and felt so guilty, so on and so forth. They still aren't here helping! Thanks friends. (thumbs up)

    A few have shown up that were absent before and the ones that showed up from the beginning are still going strong. I get more out of my relationships on here then anyone when it comes to cancer stuff.

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  • LibrarianB
    LibrarianB Member Posts: 41
    edited September 2014

    NatsFan and Kite, 

    You are so right and so wise!  Housecleaning is hard for this semi hoarder, but I will think of it in those terms!  God, does it hurt though.  It has made me appreciate "my" people more than ever.  I hope I am expressing that enough to them.  

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