Starting Chemo in December 2013

thank you Barbara!!

Jbokland - Red is my favorite color. Always has been. What a wonderful and powerful statement you just made.  I love your reversal of perspective!! Pink isn't watered down but is the core. I love it. Thank you for sharing. 

Oh, and forgot to post that I'm actually also in the wait for biopsy results . . . I noticed an odd little spot on my nose, went to the dermatologist who scraped it off & send it to the lab for biopsy.  He said that he does not think it's cancer, but just wants to be sure.  If it is cancer, it would be basal cell, and at this point, I'm like, whatever.  Nothing like BC! 

Holli, What an amazing organization.  I loved the pictures.

Oranje, Robin, Yup Herceptin until January 16th.  It's hard to feel done when I have to go sit in the same chairs every three weeks as with chemo.....grrrrrr

Kim, I am PR and ER negative so don't have to be concerned about hormones.  I never thought I would wish to get my period back but at 42 I'm worried about all the other things that menopause causes.  Like bone loss.  How long do I wait to go talk to somebody about things I should be doing if I'm in menopause?  Do I need to take something for my bones? Do I need to increase weight training? What about diet? What about SEX??? etc. etc. etc. Oh and who do I talk to about it? a gynecologist? sigh...so many questions.  I think it's mostly that I'm tired of dealing with everything chemo has caused my body and I don't want to deal with anymore.  Dealing with my period for another ten years just seems easier

Jodi, I haven't started Tam (yet), and I have experienced (and am still experiencing) a lot of the same SEs.  I am 6 weeks from my last rad.  There seemed to be a turning point when I was on vacation (that was week 4 after rads).  Who knows if it was the passage of time or the vacation itself.  We were in the Adirondacks where the air is so clean, cool, and everyone said that they slept wonderfully (me too).  But I think it helped emotionally to get away and kind of separate in physical distance from the whole experience.  I'm still having a lot of the symptoms you mention but they are less frequent/intense (no cycle yet but my MO says its too early to tell if this is real menopause - I'm 43).  

The one symptom you have that I haven't experienced is headaches. 

Ahh Orange....so sorry.  Just when we think we've endured enough, more bull shit.  Virtual hug to you.

I, too am heading up to the Adirondacks in a few week.  Can't wait for that crisp air!

I'm so sorry oranje.  I am praying for you.  I went to the doctors 2 weeks ago with what I thought was basal cell on my ear.  Turns out it is a cherry angioma.  (A cluster of blood vessels that come to the surface and look like a huge blood blister.)  I am get it removed in October.  Like you needed anymore crap.  That truly sucks.  I hope they can get it all without to much disturbance to your life.  Hugs!!!

Oh Gosh oranje! So sorry you have something else to deal with. Don't worry about venting here! Good that you got it checked out. Good luck with your TX!

I am loving everyone's pictures. 

Jodi, I have been on Tam for about 4 months. Also noticed dreaming more or at least remembering more of my dreams! Insomnia seems to be my worst SE; a few hot flashes now and then. I am post-meno. I do go through some emotional times also. Sometimes, I have impatience and anger at times when I don't think it's appropriate, but I try not to dwell on it.  I think it is probably just part of how we process what we are going through. It's not over just because we finished our physical treatment and healing. Give yourself some time. You have a lot on your plate. I think I would be a basket case if I had young children to deal with on top of everything else. 

Holli, so awesome that you got to go to the retreat with your family! What a great gift. 

Lisa, hope you get those good test results soon!

((HUGS))

Oranje, i would go with the scraping off or cutting out....my mom is a leukemia survivor and she quite often gets diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma and that is what she does.  She says its not painful and just leaves with a bandage on....hopefully it will be a simple process for your as well.  I hate to hear any word cancer though in our vocabulary!! Sorry you are going through this.  

Lisa, I've been thinking of you so much since last week....love the term scanxiety!!! omg i can relate to that!! Please let us know as soon as you have your results.  Love the picture! 

Robin, Happy Birthday!

Holli, glad to hear you are feeling better!  Your video made me cry happy tears! Your family is beautiful and those smiles were priceless!

Keepthefaith, what are you doing for your insomnia? I have also been on tamoxifen for 4 months and the insomnia is getting horrible.  I sleep maybe at the most 4 hours at night.  I have tried taking melatonin and nothing seems to work.......i'm at a loss for what to do.  My joints also hurt so bad.  I think that is part of my not sleeping reason as well, i just can't get comfortable with my hips hurting.  This weekend i probably didn't help matters since i painted one of the bathrooms and was getting up and down on a kitchen chair to reach higher up.....i think i should invest in a ladder! ha! Found muscles that had been lost for quite some time now!

I've been finding myself in a great mood lately........i've tried to remember how far i've come in the last year and how much my life has changed. I would have never dreamed last year at this time where my life was going to be headed come October.  I'm happy where I am now.....I definitely have my worries, but i'm in a happy spot and hope to stay here for quite some time.

Hello to everybody else! Love seeing the pictures and the progress reports......life is moving along, isn't it? 

My hair looks like a freakin poodle......omg i hate it.  I'm ready to go in for my second haircut already......hate this damn poof the curls are creating.  I put stuff on it but my chubby cheeks don't need the poodle poof over my ears!! I've never had curl so this is all foreign to me and i have no clue how to fix it.  

I got a packet in the mail today from Mayo Clinic with paperwork to fill out before my appt.'s there next month.....I suppose I should get it filled in.  I have come to HATE paperwork! I've gotten really really good at procrastinating!!  

My daughter Kelli was supposed to have left for college in Fargo 4 hours away a couple of weeks ago and at the last minute she changed her mind and is going to the University here and still living with me.  She insists it was to save on the cost and that she was worried about the financial part of it, but deep down I think the reality of leaving me alone here sort of hit her and she didn't want to leave me since she was the one  taking care of me this last year......she's a great kid, but worry that she is sacrificing her dreams to take care of her ol' mom.....I hope not.  

Good night my friends! 

Michelle

I've posted this on a few boards, but I am so excited about what the YMCA is offering cancer survivors....12 weeks FREE personal training in their Live Strong program, for you and your caregiver!  We have full access to the Y and they gave me a shirt to proudly wear;

good morning, 

Holly, love your blog post, you write so well.  I feel the same "My bald head, port, and scars were all the reminders I needed", who needs to wear pink? 

Robin, I take Effexor for hot flashes, it def. helps.  I'm much more relaxed too!  I'm having trouble losing weight though, I've read that some women feel it slows their metabolism?  

I'm trying to lose about 10 lbs., just started the "4 hour body".  We'll see. . . 

DJJ, my Gyno is the one who I talk too about menopause, i do more weight training, calcium, fish oil, multi vitamins without the extra iron.  I'm 45, at 42 I had my ovaries removed.  Sex?  It's a little more effort, shall we say!

Lisa, I also have soreness, I don't know if it's from working out, age, or worse.  It's like stiffness after I'm sitting or when I get up in the a.m.  

I see my oncol 9/16 for my 6 month.

Mikesgirl, your hair looks awesome!  Mine is curley, I'm past trendy on to, what the hell is she going for?  Mulletish! 

 Love all the pics, here's mine

neskir 

Great photos, as always!

Michelle, not really doing anything for insomnia...I was drinking bedtime tea, but it makes me pee in the middle of the night. I am hoping once my Vit D levels get up into the normal range, maybe it will help. I am restless for a couple nights, then, my body is so tired, I finally sleep the third night. Not, good, I know. I have noticed more vivid dreams and not taking Melatonin. I have heard that can make dreaming worse, sometime nightmares. Trying to walk regularly. Haven't seen any changes on the scale though. Although, I have not gained (knock on wood) since starting Tam. I really don't consume that many calories, so that's probably the only reason. If I ate like a normal person, I would probably have already gained 20 lbs. My metabolism is probably off, too. 

oranje, good for you for the weight loss! 

Holli, I hope you can ditch the steroids soon! Speaking of insomnia...

MO says my Vit D is now at 24.8, up from 17...UGH. Now I will be upping my dose...at least it's climbing. 

Have a great week-end, ladies! 

Grandparents'  Day is Sunday!!:)

ok so got my MRI results. Good news but here's how it went. First, doc called me at home with results and I wasn't home (ugh always happens that way right? Waited around then just went out for a little and she calls even though I told to cal, cell too), she left a message saying, word for word "I got your MRI results and it actually looks good but there are a couple of caveats I want to discuss with you". Ok what? Worried now. Called her back but she had left for the day...oh nooooooo and the sec couldn't get a hold of her of course. Nooo couldn't wait another day. So I called her mom, yes that's what I said. Her mom used to watch my kids when they were little. My mo lives in same town as her mom. They both live close by to me. I called her and told her that I had just missed her daughter at the office and I was very anxious about some test results. She said she'd call her daughter ask if she could call me at home. Which she did later that evening and was fine with it. She said she felt bad she missed me at home knowing how anxious I was about this and wasn't upset that I used her mom to get to her! So she said that the R breast, the one I was worried about looked perfectly normal, no areas of concern, even with the lumpiness I feel. Lumpy breasts, I've been told that so many times. The left nipple though had very slight uptake, very minuscule she said and prob from recent radiation. She would talk to radiologist further and get more explanation. She called me again today and said the uptake is right in the nipple itself surface and not in breast tissue at all and very very slight. The rad doc was not worried with how it looked. She said she's not worried. I know that often mri's are too sensitive with many false positives of areas of concern. I am going with everything is ok and just have to keep my mind there! Good day! but how do we keep our mind out of the gutter when it keeps wanting to go there?

Neskir,  you look absolutely beautiful with that hair. Is it colored?

Oranje, good luck with the nose thing. Keep us updated. I'm sure your hair looks better than you think. And you have always been athletic, you should be able to loose the weight easily, you've done great so far

Michelle, Kelli will find her way and will do what feels right. Guide her as needed and ask her if she is staying home because of you? She may just not be ready to go away yet and the saving $ is a big deal. So many kids have too much debt for college so  saving where possible is being responsible. She can still go away in a yr or two if this is not working out.

And yes everyone...my feet and legs still hurt also! What is this?! Im walking/running 2-3 miles 4-5xwk. Feet ache when I finish, in the morning, after sitting or standing. I'm trying curcumin/tumeric capsules. Supposed to help with inflammation. Can't hurt.

Keepthefaith, I'm taking 5000iu of vit d. My levels were 54 last time checked which is above normal but Want to get up over 60

Oh barb, so sorry for your cute little dog. Precious . Is that a doggie stroller in the background? She sounds like a good loyal dog. (Your hair is getting long also, never mind the gray)

Lisa, I don't know how to keep our minds away from the dark places they go. If I did, I would readily share that with you. I think it is a matter of not allowing them to stay there. MO and RO not being overly concerned would help to calm me down, but I am pretty sure I would still have some level of concern. 

Barbara, I am so sorry the news wasn't better. It sounds like there are some treatment options. I couldn't put Spirit through the chemo, and her lymphoma was too advanced for it to have been very effective. I have heard that dogs don't get as sick as we do, but she got sick from antibiotics, anesthesia, etcetera... Felt there was a strong chance she would not do well with chemo and it really doesn't buy that much extra time with lymphoma. Such a difficult position to be in. Sending you virtual {{{ hugs.}}}

Crazywabbit, I'm sorry about your dog:(