Denial

I had a BMX in May so I have 2 pathology reports and I still have to go read them and see that it says Invasive Lobular Carcinoma.   You would think I would just look down but I have to see it in writing, sometimes I still can't believe it even though I have looked at the reports a hundred times.  Once we had a plan for treatments it is a much easier pill to swallow.  Then at least I had some kind of direction.  It was hard at first to not be consumed by it but that does get easier.  Hope the best for you your treatments.

I'm still in a type of denial, meaning it still surprises me when I realize I'm a Stage IVer.  Denial is a good thing, as long as I still get the treatment I need. 

Denial has at times been an effective coping mechanism for me. It gives me enough space until I'm ready to handle the what I am facing. I'm three years out from my BC diagnosis and, earlier this year, I found myself not making any doctor's appointments except for the oncologist.  In fact, I had two oncology appointments where my MO went over the same list of appointments that I should be keeping (Gyn, BS, PS, eye doctor, dentist, primary care, hand surgeon to check out unexplained bone pain, etc.). I had no reason for not making those appointments. Finally, I figured out that even though I would go to the MO, staying away from all the other doctors was a way of pretending that I didn't have cancer. Once I figured that out, I made the appointments and have seen all the doctor's except I still need to go see the eye doctor (who knew BC can go to the eyes, that's what he shared with me on my last visit, no wonder I stay away!).