Husband hate me, everyone hates me, I hate me

The Clean Diet by Dr. Junger

I have been on Zoloft for 16 years but lately have been very sad so told my PCP about it and she has put me on Lexipro.  Then I've been having hot flashes so she put me on something else that is supposed to help with the hot flashes.  So far it doesn't.  I am on Anastrozole to take away what few hormones I make.  I feel sad all the time, never want to go anywhere or do anything.  My husband does not even talk to me unless we are fighting.  When I had my surgery (double mastectomy) he was the best caregiver in the world.  Now I think I disgust him.  He acts like I'm just a bump on a log.  I went to buy groceries the other day (something I despise) and when I got to the store I started feeling weird like a might pass out.  When I got home I sat done and told him how I felt.  He said "maybe it's because you don't do anything all day".  Of course this cut me to the core.  I said "maybe it's because I had 6 1/2 weeks of radiation a few weeks ago"!  This is our life.  He watches TV upstairs and I watch it downstairs.  He plays golf as much as he possibly can.  I feel it's to get away from me.

I thought maybe the way I feel was hormones and after reading here I've decided it must be.  So now what do I do??  I cry every night and often think the world would be better off if I weren't in it...  What would happen if I went off the Anastrozole?  I think it only helps like 1/2 of a percent or something like that.

dear sisters!!! I'm so sorry that your post-active treatment journey has become bumpy.  Depression has been an interloper in the DH's life since we've been married.  

First off, congratulations in recognizing your agony.  Now..call your oncologist's office and ask for a referral to a support group and ask for a psychiatrist referral as well.  You can also call the American Cancer Society and ask for referrals as well.

I can't tell you that you will feel better soon.  All I can say is that feeling better requires action. So, once you start taking action, it is possible that you will feel better and ultimately enjoy life.  Everyone is ENTITLED to enjoy living.  I've had many ups in life, but they don't even measure on a scale to the number of downs that I have had.  The thing that keeps me going is the strong belief in the resiliency in humanity.  I've learned the hard way what doesn't break me makes me stronger and lasting bitterness sucks the energy that is needed to accomplish enjoying living.  Carpe diem.  {{{hugs}}}