Survivor Guilt?

"Guilty"?  Why should anyone feel 'guilty' for being alive?  I don't and never will.  Each of us have our individual journey through life.  The journey is very different and unique to each.  If I were to drive impared and injured/killed someone, I would feel (and be) guilty BUT because someone else's journey is different than mine does not make me 'guilty' of anything.  There are time when I do wonder why some young/younger person is taken (no matter the cause - not just BC) while I am still here at 68 - I don't know but they were for some unknown reason, it's what happened.  Not my fault!  

Momine...I'm not a Stage III, but I can totally relate to your "survivor guilt" emotions. I was dx'd and treated back in the "dark ages" of bc (at least it feels like it was, compared to now), and yet....here I stand, while others, treated with much more "knowledge and tools", have had more difficult and sometimes unsuccessful outcomes. I try to be encouraging to the "newer" ones, that life does get better, when they are struggling with treatment/emotional issues....but then often feel guilty about doing so, because I know that's not "where they're at", and they may never get there. 

I've got no answers for you....just wanted to reach out and acknowledge that I get where you're coming from.

Momine, Depressed yes.  I don't think guilty, but most definitely sad. What I do feel guilty about is when I hear about someone recurring, I always turn over every stone trying to figure out what their treatment was;  like it would make all the difference if they had 28 vs 33 radiation treatments.  I know deep down inside it doesn't matter and we all have done what was best for our particular cancers.  It's a crap shoot (I hate that phrase!!!).  PS Regarding the pinkwashing-That was the most polite argument I've ever seen!

I do not (nor will I ever) feel guilt (or guilty) for something I never had anything to do with.  I can only be guilty for what I do.  That is not to say that I do not feel saddnes for others journey and what tney are experiencing - I do.  BUT I have done nothing (guilt) to cause their bumps on their journey through life just as no one else has any guilt for me.  Thoughts, good 'vibes', prayers - any and all are greatly appreciated.  And I do send to others though they often never know it.  Guilt - I will never dwell there for something that I did not negatively cause.

I do feel  so sad for all who are taken before we think it is their time or are having difficult times.  Not just those who have dealt with BC but ALL.  For all of us, our journey does have an end.

Momine, since I 'know' you from other threads, I will sneak in a comment even though this is a stage III forum. Along with wonderful ladies on BCO, I've lost several really good friends to cancer, including a one who was diagnosed at the same time as me; same stats, same treatments, everything, we pretty much went through treatment together....but she had a recurrence 2 years later and has since then died. I think about her and the others a lot, and it makes me very sad because I know how very much they wanted to live and how badly they are missed. But it also makes me realize just how lucky I have been, and it makes me appreciate life even more. My take on it is: people should do whatever is medically recommended (and whatever lifestyle changes they need to make too), and after that you just have to leave the rest to God, fate, luck.....there is no need to feel guilty, it is out of your hands.

Momine...when I was diagnosed I knew 3 other women (2 personally, 3rd was a friend of a friend) who were also diagnosed within 3 months of me.   2 breast,  one ovarian.  I am the only one still here.  When one the BC ladies friends asked me how I was doing and I said great (her friend had just been diagnosed with mets) she said "well consider yourself really lucky" - and I did and still do.

all three of these ladies were in their 40's and left behind young children, I think about them all the time.  We don't know why some will succumb to this horrible disease (even with a 'good' diagnosis) - that is the mystery of cancer. 

yes the losses are so hard - hugs to you my friend! 

Well, now that I'm not the only non stage 3 weighing in, I don't feel so bad.

Momine, I think my feelings also came from losing Linda this past week.

She was a frequent poster on a thread I post too and it was a difficult loss.

It made me feel sort of weird receiving and sharing my good news when we were mourning her.

You started this thread just as I was having the same thoughts.

This thread has helped me work through those feelings. Thank you.

Edited for typo.

So many touching comments written here. I don't have any great wisdom to share, but have noticed personally that I truly mourn/grieve with those that are suffering /in sorrow. I always thought I was sensitive to others and what they were going through, but I have found after BC ( as well as some other sorrows) I have empathy which takes my mourning/grieveing for others to a whole new deeper level. 

Even though there is joy in my life and a gratefulness for each day...I deeply grieve when I hear of others suffering such as a reoccurrence or passing from BC...we're sisters, we know the horror, the fear, the desire to live, to celebrate life with our families...we grieve when it's taken from anyone of us...its called empathy!

I do too. I actually look for the suffering so maybe I can help them. It takes me out of me. 

I lost a co-worked recently to IBC. It was a recurrence for her. I'll never forget hearing her husband say "At least I got 8 years more".  Those words are a blessing and yet make you really feel the loss for those loved ones left behind.

Hugs

Sorry winter socks...when friends progress we grieve for them as well as experience a fresh new wave of fear. Hope you can be an encouragemnet to her and maybe walking with her through this will ease your own fears.... as hopefully you see there is still hope!!