Didn't turn out as well as planned

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  • juneping
    juneping Member Posts: 1,594
    edited August 2014

    dune - i don't think it's the same author. the china study one was quite interesting...but the author(s) advocate no meat diet after the research, being a chinese i disagree with no meat diet. we just need to eat the food the way God intended. that's all. but i am not saying chuck down a burger three meals a day either...

    momine - i am with you on the stress. stress itself can be subjective i suppose. but it's the stress/state that how we handle the adverse situation (like a divorce, deadend job...etc..) that matters. some ppl can deal with that without losing sleep but some got angry / depressed.... depends. i don't know....i read some women were perfectly happy for the past 10 years and still got BC. so i don't know. but for me, i think it's the state of being unhappy, perpetually single, deadend job that cultivated BC in my body. i felt i was stuck (probably hopelessness that i would never get out of the awful job) for about 5-7 years, most ppl found something better after couple years of bad job but mine lasted 5+ years, thanks to Bush crashed the economy, during that time i was extremely unhappy and had chronic insomnia for 3-4 months. i could only fall asleep once a week and that lasted 3-4 months. that's my "dark age".

  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited August 2014

    Dune, Servan-Schreiber is not the China Study guy. Servan-Schreiber kept a brain cancer in remission a long time by combining conventional therapy with diet and exercise. He was also a medical doctor, so he was able to crunch through medical studies to come up with his diet. His approach is basically a med diet - loads of veggies, pulses, whole grains, oily fish and a little wine.

    There are some serious flaws in the China Study book, which were widely discussed when it came out.

  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited August 2014

    June, I hear you , but also consider that the cancer itself can cause depression. Nobody knows exactly how it works, but cancer can trigger a state of depression, and depression is considered a "soft" cancer symptom.

  • dunesleeper
    dunesleeper Member Posts: 2,060
    edited August 2014

    Sorry girls. I was being lazy. I should have just googled it. However, I enjoyed reading your thoughts on The China Study. What I found interesting about it was the assertion that cancer is mainly a disease of affluence, that when we eat more protein than our bodies need it causes our pancreas to work overtime on digestion of that, thus it can't produce whatever that substance is that identifies cancer as not-self. I don't remember details very well anymore, but that was the gist of my understanding. I actually did take a pregnancy test shortly before all these lumps started, and it came back negative; so if this turns out to be cancer, we can add another challenge to the author's assertion. I will definitely google information about the flaws of the study. I am very interested in this stuff.

  • dunesleeper
    dunesleeper Member Posts: 2,060
    edited August 2014

    Momine, I can totally relate to the stress of the dead-end job. I had that for 15-20 years. My depression, which was undoubtedly worsened by staying in the job prevented me from consistently trying to find another one. I would try for a while and then give up. I was amazed that nobody would hire me. I had degrees and skills and experience. I guess I just did not present myself well. As a result I sat alone at home and drank and ate and got fat. I think the cancer said, "Yo! We can have a feast here!"

  • juneping
    juneping Member Posts: 1,594
    edited August 2014

    momine - how interesting. Thanks for sharing. I didn't know that. 

    Dune - same here....had the hardest time to get out of that shit hole and am now at a nice job. I also wondered what's wrong with me.. For two years I sent out résumé on a weekly basis and got to some interviews but nothing came of it. ....sometimes I really had to admit life has it's own way to work things out if you have a will. It may not satisfy our instant gratification but we will preserver and come out better. Better at understanding life I guess. 

    I was looking for an apt in NYC...which is excruciating for someone who has a budget less than 2500 per month. But it worked out for me...it was such a miracle. I felt someway somewhere that someone is looking out for me. 

  • dunesleeper
    dunesleeper Member Posts: 2,060
    edited August 2014

    Not having a very good day today. Yesterday I did very well. Lots of pain but my head was right. Today lots of pain and head not right. So I hope to take a nap. Hopefully my mother and my birds will permit it. I said when I started out on all this that I would accept the results of my decision either way. I'm pretty accepting of death (except for the occasional pity party), but I worry about treatment. I worry about burns and heart attack from radiation. I worry about chemo, loss of hair, nausea, type of wig, etc from chemo. I worry a lot about pain. I worry about being able to "get my affairs in order" before all this starts. I worry about who will take care of my birds, especially Dusty who has such a strong bond with me. I worry about ruining all my plastic surgeon's hard work having to go back in to get the tumors off my chest wall. I worry about LE garments and my terrible case of hyperhydrosis. I worry about whether or not to do another reconstruction if this one has to be removed. I worry about the stupid drains again. I worry about how my mother will handle my death if the treatment kills me or if the cancer has gone too far. I worry that I won't die bravely (although I think I might do that ok). I am hurt that the friends I have told about this haven't called back. (Of course, that's not entirely true. Debbie DID call me back. She knows I won't know anything more until tomorrow.) I hate that some people who I thought were friends are treating me so coldly here. HOWEVER, I am grateful for the warm welcome I have received from Ducky, Momine, June, and FireKracker. (Just today I'm having my pity party focusing on how I'm soooo unloved. Oh gawd. Somebody put me in a drama club!) LOL I'll TTYL

  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited August 2014

    Dune, treatment is not easy, but nor does it have to mean heart attacks and constant misery. I did buy a wig, because everyone told me I would want one. Turned out I didn't :D. I wore scarves, hats etc. I had a good time with it. I bought myself a nice present after each chemo (8 chemos, lots of nice presents :) ).

    3 years later, I am truly fine. I have the tiniest bit of numbness in 2 fingertips. That is about the extent of my long-term side effects of treatment, and I got to try all the rides in the park.

    I can't help you with the surgery bit, because I did not have recon. 

    However, this is all assuming you are actually having a recurrence. Until you see a doc, you can't know.

  • juneping
    juneping Member Posts: 1,594
    edited August 2014

    Dune - (((hugs)))

    It's normal to feel the ups and downs in life. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you. 

  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited August 2014

    Dune

    No that we the sistas care

    We worry

    And

    We pray

    Tonite I will add u to my prayer list

    It is world wide so lots of ppl will be prayin for u.

    I do believe in miracles

  • dunesleeper
    dunesleeper Member Posts: 2,060
    edited August 2014

    Thanks all. I expect much to get rolling this week. I will share what I learn tomorrow.

  • juneping
    juneping Member Posts: 1,594
    edited August 2014

    dune- how did it go? Thinking of you....

  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 3,534
    edited August 2014

    Dune so i was not welcoming or warm......? Time for my pity party......jeez Dunes if only you knew how often i have thought of you over last few months....

  • dunesleeper
    dunesleeper Member Posts: 2,060
    edited August 2014

    Sorry Lily. I wasn't actually thinking about you when I wrote that. Please don't be upset.

    Can you believe this? I emailed my plastic surgeon because I just feel so bad that all these tumors are growing all over the breast muscle under which he placed the implant. He takes such pride in his work. I feel like I am messing it all up. Can you believe he actually emailed me back??? Like right away. 

    OK. So back to Lily. I was so totally NOT talking about you, and I am very grateful that you thought about me. Sadly, I really hated to come back here. My moods were just so weird and they still can be. I know I hurt people's feelings, and I didn't want to do that again. However, when lumps start growing and spreading like something out of Alien, you get scared. So, here I am. I check out some other threads but stay quiet. I try hard not to get involved in any bickering that comes up -- although you know how difficult that can be for me. Anyway, again, I really hope you won't stay upset Lily.

    Charlene

  • dunesleeper
    dunesleeper Member Posts: 2,060
    edited August 2014

    I don't have much to report from yesterday. The LE therapist did take note of what I told her about the oncologist's staff, so that is on record. She measured size and range of motion. She says my truncal LE is actually quite under control. The arm is pretty bad but hasn't gone into the hand badly. I am scheduled through October for twice weekly appointments with her. I have no idea why I would need to see her that much. I see her in the morning at 8 am, followed by the onc at 9 am. I guess tests will be ordered then, so I don't know how much more I will know. Maybe she can come up with another possible explanation for the lumps. Wouldn't that be nice? Anyway, things should get moving.

  • dunesleeper
    dunesleeper Member Posts: 2,060
    edited August 2014

    OMG OMG OMG! He actually CALLED me.  8:30 pm and he called me to find out what is going on. He is calling the breast surgeon now. This man is so amazing. People I know here from the old days know I always called him the one bright spot in this cancer ordeal. I cannot believe this man! How incredibly caring!

  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited August 2014

    Dune

    I have truncal LE and when I had a flair up it went for PT 3x a week for a while

    And yes it helped

    That was when I was livin in Nj I...now that I live in PA I go to a natural dr and when I did have a flair up she told me to put caster oil on the affected area with corn starch on top cause it's sticky

    Ya no what?????? It worked...

    I wish u pain free days and the best tx plan for U

  • juneping
    juneping Member Posts: 1,594
    edited August 2014

    dune - i am glad the doctor called....

  • dunesleeper
    dunesleeper Member Posts: 2,060
    edited August 2014

    FireKracker: that is amazing! I will definitely try it.

  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited August 2014

    I told them on one of the LE threads and they didn't believe me

    Then one of the leaders who no everything about LE said why not???

    Yeah why not??"

  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 3,534
    edited August 2014

    dunes I am fine, thank you. i like your out-spoken-ness! Stay around please..........hope your PS gets things rolling for you and its all ok but this damn disease plays hell with us survivors even after its assault on our body and senses

  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited August 2014

    Lilly

    I like ur words about survivorship 

    Powerful but so true

    I really like both of U 

  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 3,534
    edited August 2014

    Aw thanks Firekracker, feeling´s mutual!!  I also hate Focktober...........it sells us all short and glossifies bc

  • dunesleeper
    dunesleeper Member Posts: 2,060
    edited August 2014

    Well, I saw the doc today, and though we have not done the PET scan or needle biopsy, she believes it is cancer, and I have joined that exclusive club no one wants to join: stage 4. Watchagonnado?

  • juneping
    juneping Member Posts: 1,594
    edited August 2014

    dune - I am sad to read your post but I still have hopes. I'll be praying for you....

  • dunesleeper
    dunesleeper Member Posts: 2,060
    edited August 2014

    Thanks June. Fortunately, it did not come as a shock to me, although I was hoping for a 3c. LOL I am still processing the information. I just have to fight harder.

  • FireKracker
    FireKracker Member Posts: 8,046
    edited August 2014

    and we will be here to hold ur hand Dune....

  • dunesleeper
    dunesleeper Member Posts: 2,060
    edited August 2014

    Cool beans, FK! Cool beans!

  • Momine
    Momine Member Posts: 7,859
    edited August 2014

    Dune, I was really rooting for unhappy lymph nodes or some such. I am very sorry that the news is bad. 

  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited August 2014

    Dune I'm sorry for the unhappy news. I am praying for you overcome this recent r eoccurance.

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