Feel like Frankenstein

I can sympathize Mouse. Just in the last couple of years I've acquired a big dent in one breast from a golf ball sized biopsy, plus an 11 inch scar from my pubis to way up above my belly button. I used to have the nicest torso, waist & belly. Just had another core biopsy last week, but looks like I get to escape more breast surgery this time. I told them they might as well just install zippers on me.

They even messed up my cute innie belly button cutting around it...

Hey Mouse, 

I have had 8 surgeries including that first miserable "mx" I call it butchery because this is the pathetic state of care that is available in the Western world. I get mad and sad. 6 of my surgeries were for reconstruction.  First was fat grafting using BRAVA , Then second surgery was to remove the tissue expander, Then I got a huge infection,  had 300cc's of pus taken out in surgery number3. Then I had surgery 4 and 5 with fat grafting with Brava.  I have reconstruction surgery number 6 on September 23, 2014 with fat grafting using my concentrated  stem cells.

I mention all these details to show you that I completely get feeling like Frankenstein.  I am now an A cup without a nipple on the left side and a C cup on the other side. After they took out the tissue expander I had a crater for 6 months. I used to think that the only way that I could look worse was if I had a 3rd degree burn. My skin is like fine leather and I have been told yes and have been told no that my circulation isn't good enough because of the radiation to having my nipple reconstructed. I am on my second plastic surgeon,  as the first one said no to More fat grafting and it is not his decision, it is mine, as there is no medical contraindication. 

I get slightly hopeful that this next fatgrafting will give me more of a breast. And that by next summer I will be 3 years out from all this misey and approaching "normal". After I get surgery to lift my other side and get surgery to reconstruct a nipple and then tattoo an areola. I just want to be roughly symmetrical with two breasts and two nipples. If this next fatgrafting doesn't work well enough I will have to consider an implant which is the last thing I want. Not just that an implant is a foreign body, cold and uncomfortable.  I worry about the 30 -50 % capsular contracture rate after radiation.  I was initially planning a Diep flap surgery but decided that was too extensive,  too much scarring, and with the hyperpigmentation of the radiated side compared to the rest of my body,  that I would really look like a patchwork Frankenstein's bride when I was done. Just not for me. 

So you can fix the way it looks, but as you can see from me that it's a crazy long mess to just get out of this disaster they have inflicted on us with the mimimum of scars. If you can deal with getting an  implant that is the quickest fix you will find.

There is only so much we can do about the way we feel about our scars or the way our loved ones react but I refused years ago to be made to feel bad by how strangers reacted. Mercifully my cancer surgery only left me with a 2 inch scar but many years ago I had severe lacerations to my head that required extensive plastic surgery. Needless to say I really did look like the bride of Frankenstein, shaved head scarred like a road map, and a swollen face with black eyes.All I needed was the bolt through my neck! I was so bad the nurse brought a mirror to my bed so I was not accidently freaked out. I also met others on the ward in the same boat. My then boyfriend could not bear to look at it and made me cover my head which really hurt. My hair eventually grew and covers most of the scars apart from when the wind blows it a certain way and I had a cosmetic job to lessen a bump on my forehead. HOWEVER, while I was recovering I wore a bandana and one day some young guys, late teens maybe, made a clever comment. Well I whipped off the bandana and told them I had crashed my car. They were mortified, sorry and I suspect they would never be so unkind again as they were actually nice kids. It was just ignorance. I felt so much better too!

 If somebody was to behave shocked by scars from cancer surgery, unless they apologized,  I would in their face tell them,  something like Oh sorry, I had cancer. They would likely feel bad but learn something in the process and there is something thereputic, my bad, in making their reaction their problem. 

Sorry for the rant. I just hate that peoples stupid reactions can be so hurtful to those who are already at their most vunerable.  Meow, I am so sorry she made you feel that way (((((hugs to all))))

Mouse,

I see your post was from a whole year ago.  I hope you are gone from cancerland and never return, but I was comforted by your post.  (In the misery loves company department.)

I thought my "monster boob" was not looking too bad as the fancy colors faded away.  Don't know why, the scar doesn't bother me, but then the "lx area caved in" as you stated.  Now I have a big weird dent that also affects the nipple andI can't stand looking at myself.  I creep me out.

I know I should not complain about this as so many here have suffered so much worse, but I'm hoping a little whining will make me feel better.

Jo