Nightmare...Will it ever end?

Hi Charz, it could be maybe that the news of the abnormal blood test recently just really caught you off guard when you had been in a very up - life is good mood, and maybe you just seriously need some support from these boards and people who are in the same boat as you are letting you know WE ARE HERE to help you...

If I could suggest anything right now - it would be to say - try not to project anything, try not to especially project negative what if's - attempt really dig deep to find that inner core strength that we all have that tends to take a back seat when we hear shocking/worrisome news - (it is a natural fight or flight response) breathe in calm and breathe out worry - do this for about 3 to 5 minutes sitting peacefully and comfortably and chant too "I will be fine, Everything will be fine" 

be KIND to yourself, it is normal to be worried, but try to think positively

if you don't mind me probing, since I haven't started having blood tests - what is it in blood that they tested you for that appeared abnormal?

I get really emotional and tearful and worried more so about 8/9 before getting my period - it has been like that for over 10 yrs - (I think it is called PmDd - just severe PMS with lots tearfulness and mood swings and very irritable and not able to feel like I should be)..  wondering maybe you are PMSing??

I can relate to the constant WORRY and can't turn it off - that has been me for 2 months.. since my diagnosis - I was good for my initial diagnosis and before surgery - actually was better then - vs now - now I have had the RT MX and the expander pocket is in and left side is my natural breast (thankful I have one of my own!) but the RT side is still very sore and I have a bad rt shoulder so I get very worried that the surgery may have caused some permanent pain issues - not sure yet - so I was TRYING TO NOT TAKE ANY PAIN MEDS just to see how I do and had only been taking one vicodin 5 per night when the use of all day life would finally make my right side throb - and it helps but when I stopped then I was feeling the pain all day and that was giving me more anxiety knowing this really is very painful,,,  so I just decided to try XANAX for past 2 nights - tiny tiny dose (half of a .25 mg tablet - that is really very low - many people take .5mg every night at least) but I have bad tolerance to pills so usually taking half what DR prescribes is enough for me - I have small bones and 120 lbs so I feel some doses are meant for someone maybe 20 to 40 lbs more,,,

my point is that I have had extreme worry that has developed into major insomnia for 6 wks since surgery - I had been given Valium to help relax the chest muscles so I could sleep however I never had that pill ever so I chose never to test the waters and try it  - I did have tried Xanax last year so I knew ok I took that pill before and I did wake up next day (LOL)  and so this week feeling utterly exhausted and so worried about this future and PMSING BAD and feeling inflammed and soar and I decided TRY the Xanax and sleep - and it did really conk me out - but I felt off the next day - so tonight no pills - maybe TRY it again and see if was the pill or was it that I ate a bunch of peanut butter pretzels and chips and was that a bad combo wth the Xanax - so back to my point

you can ask for Xanax for worry and to help calm you down - that is a common RX for many women on here or you can practice some of the breathing and chanting and mind over matter - - or you can go outside and do something to get mind occupied - or go walk around a TJ Maxx or Marshall's or Walmart and IMAGINE all the things you want to do around the house to spruce it up or brouse and get mind off the situation - retail therapy works for me - even if I don't or can't buy anything.. 

my old boss was into spiritual healing and she said write down all your worries on pieces of small paper and put them in basket and then have a bonfire and burn them - to destroy the energy in that thought - be careful though - I don't wish you to burn your house or apartment down.. (an alternative would be to write them down on something biodegradeable - or write fear on rocks at the beach and make a pile of them and then chant that I will not be consumed by negative thoughts like these and toss each into ocean or something along those lines - throw the thoughts like that OUT to sea and walk barefoot and connect with the earth and say positive things to yourself over and over or say nothing and listen to the world,,,  I also can't even stand TV, radio or noise right now - too much chatter and so maybe having quiet or more quiet around you will soothe and calm your mind,

please REST and breathe and love your self and treat yourself with extra care as you wait for your news - I hope it is just a false alarm and wish you extra support and blessings,,

Mary beth

Remember that Dr. Goggle is not your friend.  Some articles etc are out dated. We are not doctors so we do not know all the reasons why our platelets might drop. The good news is that you are being watched very carefully and if, and this is a BIG IF, your worse fears are confirmed, you have caught it early so that treatment could help. 

What is your next step? You said he recommended a hematologist, did you schedule an appt? Did you talk to him about what this possibly could be besides the dreaded C word.

Hi there:

  Just a word of encouragment i offer. I was dx 10 1/2 years ago with stage 3 BC, aggressive, 2 positive nodes, huge frigging tumor (7.5 cm) and ER/PR+ and HER-

Doctors at time said to me "its bad".  They assumed recurrance within the first 2 years, then they said 5 years. NOw they say nothing. Or course, I don't see an oncologist anymore. Its great. 

I have never had a recurrance and am fine. Feel great. I was 41 when dx. 

I had all the major treatments - mastectomy, chemo, rads, aromasin and a hysterectomy. It took me a year and a bit to get back to energy levels to do somethng productive and not be so despondent after treatment. And then with faith and one step at a time, I rebuilt my life, got over the depression and anxiety, and I rarely think I am going to die from BC anymore.  So it can happen to move on and thrive!

Hugs to you and thinking of you.