Starting Chemo in December 2013

Hi ladies.  I just got back from Aruba. I haven't had time to catch up on all the post. We had an amazing time. I am actually a different person now. My depression is completely gone and My husband and I fell in love all over again! I will post some pictures soon :-) have a great day!

mikesgirl, SO happy for you and your hubby! It's always good to re-kindle those flames.  Can't wait to see pics! Your post brought tears to  my eyes...happy ones!

mikesgirl. Wonderful time I am sure. Nice that the fires are still there to rekindle. 

robin - I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had words that could provide comfort during such a difficult time. Know that we are here for you. I will certainly keep you in my prayers. 

Robin - I am just going to bluntly say it as there is no other way to say it,  it simply fucking sucks that you have to deal with the loss of your sweet little fur kid., it simply sucks that sometimes when we think we cant handle another thing someone punches us right in the heart., and you just get that sick feeling and a lump in the throat.  I have experienced the loss of a dog and its one of the hardest things ever, I had to put her down too, and I laid there on the floor with her and held her face in my hands so she knew I Was there, I was the last thing she seen and I remember that day like it was yesterday and it frigging sucked., please know I am thinking of you and you need to take all the time you need to grieve over her,  there is no time limit.  I am sorry this happened to you   prayers and hugs.

Michelle - I am so happy that you are happy  !! that picture shouts happiness, I am not here to judge.  doi what makes your heart shine that is all that matters.

mikegirl - love that post girl !! 

well gals I am down 10lbs and 24" in two weeks feeling like a million bucks already... well not quite but I do feel better, have a way to go but I will take that for now.  I had to start meds while on chemo for my blood sugar and in my head I wasnt going down that road I want off those pills and want to be healthy again, and thats starting with getting this frigging weight off.

I am only feeling more like 60 these days instead of 110, I am getting my stamina back and my joints arent as sore as they once were, there was a time that I felt like it was never going to get better, all neuropathy is gone..I still stress to death over every little ache and pain, twinge, pull, tingle....gawd

well off to explore I am going to start trying to make some bath bombs etc... fun times !!

I' m so sorry Robin.  There's nothing I can say to make you feel less pain.  I feel bad posting these pics, but I said I would.  Your hair grows like a weed by the way!  

Angela- I got your PM. Thank you for checking up on me girl. I'll try to PM you back tonight. 

I tried to look back at posts but can't find the one where one of us was getting scanned? I can't remember who but I wanted to see how it went. 

mikesgirl- beautiful pics!! 

Robin- I am so sorry for your loss. Fur babies are family. We lost ours about 2 weeks before my diagnosis. It sucks to be hit with all of this junk. 

Not to make light of your loss, but I wanted to share what my hubby said as humor has been one of my ways to deal with all of this..... " my dog died, my house got robbed, and my wife has cancer. All I need now is for my mom to go to prison and I'd have a hit country song". 

I've been MIA. Struggling with some depression. But also have had a cough for 3 weeks. Got really scared. I've copied an update from my blog below. I will also post this in another forum so forgive me for the cross post. Hope everyone is doing well. - Holli

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Talked to oncologist this evening.

NO cancer in my lungs!! Praise God!!

BUT.... It isn't just allergies...

I do have some radiation damage. He said the area of my lung that was under the radiation area is inflamed. He said it's similar to a very bad case of poison ivy - red, swollen, and "oozy". His words not mine :0). So I will be on steroids for at least a month. He is my medical (chemo) oncologist so he will start me on the steroids but will contact my radiation oncologist tomorrow. I believe he will be the one to manage it.

I'm assuming I will start the steroids tomorrow and also talk with the radiation oncologist to see what else we need to do. I should find out more tomorrow.

Thank you all for praying for me today! It was definitely a stressful day for all of us. Please continue to pray for healing for my lungs and minimal side effects from the steroids I start tomorrow.

God is good...All the time!!

Holli :0)

Lisa, you will be amazing....we will be in your pocket for courage.  Holli......seems funny to say this, but thank God you just have an inflammation.  Just, I know.  Mikesgirl, the pictures definitely brought a smile to my face!! you look beautiful and so happy!

Today was not a good day for me emotionally...I had a horrible morning, slept like shit so that didn't help.  I woke up crying and continued to cry the rest of the morning.  I was so freakin scared for the PET scan I had today.  Not the process, but the results.  I was crying so hard in the bathroom trying to get myself ready i gagged on my snot and then started to throw up.....talk about a hot mess!!  

Got to my appt. as I also had an appt. for labs, of course my port decides not to work, so clot buster goes in and off i go to the PET scan.  A very dear friend of mine was the one doing it....that made me feel good.  She was wonderful especially when she realized what a mess i was.  The scan itself was no big deal......now the wait begins.  I tried to get some info out of my friend, of course they can't tell you a damn thing.  She did mention after some serious prodding on my part that it was sure going to be a GOOD day out today.....i caught on immediately and take that as code maybe that the scan looked good? Lets just pray.  

Back to labs after the scan and the port worked great.  8 tubes of blood later and I was done.  They had a whole list of different things they were testing....some were going to Mayo, some would be done there.  I will keep you all posted.

I'm exhausted tonight....feel like the ol' emotional roller coaster took me for a wild ride today.  

Love to you all.......g'nite

Michelle

Michelle - it was you getting scanned. Thinking about you.  I understand that fear after spending the last 3 weeks thinking my cancer was back. It sucks. When will you know results?

Lisa- congrats!! So glad it went well. You are amazing!!

I'll know the results on the 18th......6 more days.  I feel like they took about half my blood out of me for labs, so also will know the results of all of that as well.  Maybe after next Monday I will confidently be able to say there is NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE left in my body!! I've been hesitant to say that up to this point.

Lisa, you did good girl!!  So proud of you!!

Michelle

Michelle- best wishes with the scan.  I don't understand the long delay in getting the results!  That is barbaric to make you wait so long.   We get ours back in 24 hours.

Take a deep breath and just breathe. Close your eyes and bring in the good energy with each inhale.   Robbing yourself of joy and being present today will not change the results of your scan.  -hugs

oh Michelle, that picture.......no further words except love the compassion in all of you, you are strong and amazing women

hi ladies. Wanted to share my latest blog post. 

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I'm so frustrated today. I was beginning to slowly get a little energy back. In the past few weeks I was able to take kids to the library and to ride the train in zilker park (not on the same day). Of course both activities wore me out... BUT... I was able to do it. I had even been exercising some and keeping my house semi picked up. But as the cough got worse I became more winded. Having trouble breathing has significantly lowered my energy levels. Now I'm short of breath and coughing with exertion and sometimes just walking to the next room.

UGH!! I want my life back. So much so that I probably over do it (I know those of you who are nodding their head in agreement) when I feel an ounce of the energy returning. Not sure if that led to this new road block or not, but I'm frustrated that I can't bounce right back into my old life. I'm frustrated that the treatments to save my life have and may continue to change it. God keeps telling me to slow down but I don't know how. I don't know where I fit into my new life. If that makes sense.

So today after physical therapy (I know I've said this before, but I love physical therapy) I heard on a Christian radio station a quote I had never heard before.

"The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it" Henry David Thoreau

I found a website that offers an explanation of this quote in terms of money. But I kind of see it applying to cancer and going through treatments to fight for my life. I'd love to hear y'all's thoughts on this.

Here is the website with several inspirational quotes:

http://brightdrops.com/best-inspirational-quotes

Many of you know how very very special my grandmother (nanny) was to me. She passed away in December 2003, a year to the day before Grace was born. I spoke to my uncle Bill yesterday and he mentioned that my Nanny always said "tough times don't last, but tough people do". In looking for the Thoreau quote and coming across the site above, I found this:

"Tough times never last, but tough people do" Dr. Robert Schuller

Thank you God for this reminder. Thank you Uncle Bill for sharing that with me. Thank you God for the years I was able to spend with my Nanny. She had tough times for sure but her faith in God was unwavering.

Michelle, what a touching picture. Was Lucky a Havenese?

 I worry about my little 10 Y/O  dog. She lost over 3/4 of a pound the past few weeks, only weighing 9.2 lbs now. All her blood work was normal. I feel a small soft lump on her neck that I worry is a lymph node but the Vet does not think it is. Now I do not know if it is my imagination or not but it seems larger, though still small, 4-5 mm. I think next week another vet visit and I will insist on a needle Bx of the lump. 

Holli-  very nice blog entry. Hope your breathing eases up soon with the prednisone.

Hi everybody! Had my local "survivorship" appt. today with one of my MO's assistants, she went over everything with me sort of from the start of my treatment to this point, what to expect in the future, what to look for as far as any problems, we went over my labs from Monday, every lab was in the perfect range and my tumor marker test was very low.  Haven't got the results of my pet scan yet, that will be on Monday.  All in all, i'm feeling really good, and very relieved that so far all the post testing since all my treatments have ended have been good.  I've definitely come to the conclusion that this has made me a better person......i see the world in a whole new way now.  I love deeper, I laugh harder, I cry if needed and don't keep things bottled up inside me any longer, I take joy in just the little things that i never used to take the time for.  I don't know that i'll ever stop worrying, but i'm not going to let it keep me from living.  

Hope you all are having a good week.....love to all.

Michelle