30th birthday next week. Recovering from mastectomy & angry

Hey Harmony and everyone, 

I'm really sorry to hear of you joining the club at all, but I know how hard it is when you're young. 

I was diagnosed this June, am only 30 years old and didn't feel I had the tools to deal with it. It's overwhelming, and there are so many choices you have to make in a short period of time. I still have not been told what kind of cancer it is, what stage it is, as we are still taking more steps. 

I was diagnosed June 24.14, had a meeting with my surgeon the following day, and had my first surgery 13 days later. Not a lot of time to come to grips with the diagnosis, let alone make a decision between lumpectomy and mastectomy. I chose mastectomy, and then let my surgeon talk me into a lumpectomy. He was positive he could get clean margins. Wrong. Now after wasting a month of time healing and recovering I have my next surgery (Mastectomy of my right breast) in 5 days. My birthday is just 3 weeks away, and I'll be turning 31. I'll be officially "in my 30's" which I used to think was a bit scary, and now seems so trivial. But I know I'm going to have all kinds of anger and rage and self worth issues after losing my breast, and it's going to even harder on my birthday. 

I'm angry that I didn't trust my gut instinct and have the mastectomy, but I've let that blame go because I was in shock when I made the decision, and I didn't want to have to make that decision to begin with. I trusted my doctor's advice, and if I had chose to do a mastectomy at that time, and didn't need to lose my breast after all, I would have probably felt even worse. 

3 out of the 5 lymph nodes they took were positive for cancer. I had an MRI, and am having a CT and bone scan before my surgery as I want all the info I can get. It makes me feel more in control. 

And I understand about wanting to rant. That's why I am so grateful for this forum and connecting with other women. Especially ones close in age to me. So as I said I'm sorry you're part of this club too. And it's okay to be angry and ashamed and sad and all of those big feelings. It's how we heal. 

Brandy, Age 30, from Canada

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I am 34 years old, BRCA + and I was diagnosed with DCIS with B Cell diffuse lymphoma. I had my double mastectomy on August 21, 2014. 

When I was 28, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I had an total hysterectomy when I was 24 due to a severe case of endometriosis. Apparently, a piece of ovary was not removed (ovarian remnant syndrome) and it became cancerous. It was removed in 2008. I thought all this was behind me until 6 years ago!! Then I was diagnosed with breast cancer this year. I had a nipple sparing mastectomy and was told I would be having an immediate reconstruction with an implant. I was NOT prepared for tissue expanders when I woke up from surgery!!! I've been so angry since them! I woke up from surgery angry!! I really think I should seek a therapist, but I live in eastern KY, and there aren't exactly any good therapists for this sort of thing around here. Does it help? I keep telling myself that things could be so much worse, but the anger stays with me. Sometimes I cry for no reason and I feel anxious and depressed. My husband won't touch me....he says for fear of hurting me because these tissue expanders aren't just uncomfortable for me, but PAINFUL... But I'm more self conscious than anything.  I feel like he doesn't find me attractive anymore. 

Please ladies tell me if this will pass!!