Here we go again ......

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Morwenna
Morwenna Member Posts: 1,063
edited August 2014 in Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned

In March I had a nodule on my mastectomy scar biopsied. Came back as "scar tissue" according to my MD. (I didn't see the result personally).

When I saw my MO for routine follow up early July, mentioned that I had another little lump. She felt it and then got her student to feel it, and I was trying to play it down, saying "So I expect its just more scar tissue eh? How about I just watch it for a while and let you know if I think its changing?" So she agreed to that.

However, since then I've been feeling my lumps (yes, plural now) a dozen times a day, and now I'm convinced it is a recurrence, and vary between scared shitless and deeply depressed. My husband is sick of the subject (well, how does he think *I* feel??) And upshot is I'm booked for an ultrasound and biopsy on Friday. Then we have that lovely wait again.

Just having a rant because I can't do it anywhere else. I'm supposed to be cheerful, upbeat and positive, and not wondering out loud how long I have left to live for Pete's sake!!!  

Ugghhhh. I feel like there's a great weight on my chest makes it hard to breathe! :(

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  • ncollett
    ncollett Member Posts: 862
    edited August 2014

    I am sorry you have to go through this again. While this is my first round with this ugly thing I can sympathize. I found out today that they did not get clear margins with my lumpectomy and I have to go back for more surgery. My husband is being very supportive but my brother and sister are not. They keep telling me that its not that big a deal and I shouldn't focus on the fact that I have cancer and that its really the best case senerio because its just one margin and then my brother tries to make a joke and tells me to go see the tata man again and have him perk the girls up this time. Now he was trying to make me laugh and didnt realize how insensitive he was being. My husband also told me that my siblings are probably just trying to deal with this and really dont want to hear about it because we also lost my dad last July to colon cancer and now I have it and we lost my grandmother to ovarian cancer and she also had breast cancer about 7 years ago and my aunt passed away from cervial and ovarian cancer with mets to her lungs two years ago. So after he explained that to me I got a little less defensive and do understand but like I told him, I am trying to be realistic.. I am not being negative I just need to express my concerns as well. This is why I am so thankful for these discussion boards. 

    In the mean time, hang in there and know you are not alone. 

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  • Morwenna
    Morwenna Member Posts: 1,063
    edited August 2014

    Thanks for your response. I didn't have any family history of cancer, and so no real experience of it, except my f.i.l passed from stomach cancer in 2003. Actually that's probably why dh doesn't want to hear me being pessimistic. 

    Now I know more about bc than I ever wanted to know. I had radiation to chest wall and axilla last year, so if it turns out to be malignant this time I'm pretty well screwed.

    I know: don't go there til you get there! But I'm not doing very well with that at present! 

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  • BrandyB
    BrandyB Member Posts: 195
    edited August 2014

    I know what you're going through. I've had several scary lumps and they've all turned out to be fat necrosis. The waiting and worrying is so painful though. I'll be thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way. 

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