Feeling rejected

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way at home, but always feel you can come here and find support from breast cancer survivors who have dealt with any and every possible situation. Find your way down through the forums; there is one specifically about breast cancer reconstruction.  There are people there in every stage of reconstruction or not, lopsided like you AND ME (I like to call myself "single breasted."  I'm sure you will get better answers there, but you are hurting right NOW so I wanted to let you know that there ARE those of us in the same situation.

I had a right mastectomy and I knew I would not have reconstruction.  I was a single Mom running a biz and I could not stand the thought of something fake in me, my breasts looking different, doing an additional surgery to use other body parts, etc.  If I had pain, I'd worry it was the reconstruction.  I'd seen some bad reconstructions and I just didn't want any of that. 

BUT, as you know, there is a LOT to deal with in our shoes.  When I say I can't wear "normal" tops when I'm wearing a prosthesis, they think I mean "low-cut."  I admit I never let even my daughter see my body.  We're just not that type.  But I'm still single, 9+ years later.  There are a lot of reasons, but one of them is that I have a lousy body image.  Well, I always did have.  Honestly, I've considered having the other breast removed many times because it's such a pain to be one-sided. I went for a consult once, and broke down into tears in the office because I realized I would not want to lose my other nipple sensation.  I know...too much information, but here we are.  It's not like I'm "using" it right now, but once it's gone, it's gone. 

I don't know how to speak to you about your personal relationship, because I'm not married.  I wish I did.  It sounds more like a problem he is having than one you are having.  I'm not a big fan of counseling but I know you'll find MANY who will recommend it. But I bet you'll also find some very encouraging stories in the other forum.  MAYBE he doesn't ask to see it, and makes himself scarce when you're undressing, because he feels that's what you'd want.  He's giving you the space you feel you need. 

I don't have much to recommend, but I do wish you the best. Now go check out the other forum and I'll be you find stories that will help you, about how others got past this stumbling block.

Hello Dtom, I just wanted to say Hello and Welcome! This is a great place to make contact with others who understand what you're going through. To ask for support or advice.

I am a Uni too, no recon, by choice and very happy with my decision. I have a Husband who has been involved every step of the way, from coming to all my appointments, to all the decision making.

In saying that, even I was a little apprehensive about showing him my new chest, the day after my surgery. It isn't an easy thing to do, no matter what your situation.

I also had a Mother who had BC, she also had a Umx, so I had seen it and
knew what to expect. I cared for her for years, before she went into
permanent care. I think her experience was what made it a fairly easy transition
for me.

I have made a hobby out of the clothing and foobs and feel far more confident in the way I dress now, so that's another hurdle overcome.

I too, wonder if the point whatnow makes about your Husband making himself scarce is because he isn't sure what you want him to do. You say he was great at the start, have you both been able to sit and discuss your feelings on the whole subject? I always find, being completely open, if you have that kind of relationship, is the only way to move forward with something as life changing, as all this. I don't think it is ever too late to initiate this kind of discussion if it is something you feel you can, and want to do. I sounds like you may have both just got a little lost along the way and bringing it up hasn't been easy for either of you. It sounds like you have a good man there, maybe he just needs a little reassurance from you.

I do wish you all the very best, I am sure there will be others along who may have other suggestions, take care and let us know how you're doing!

I am  a uni, but I chose to reconstruct. For me I couldn't live with only one breast, I have body image issues and always have and this was an awful thing for me to go through. I think right now you need to talk to your husband and see where his head is. Let him know how you are feeling and how you need his support and affirmation that he is still attracted to you. Ask him if he wants to see your scar, but be prepared in case he doesn't. Remember men are fix it people by nature and this is something he can't fix, he may be too afraid of hurting you. At the same time you have to learn to accept the new you, I know easier said then done, I'm still working on that part. Just talk to him and see where he is mentally, he may just be waiting for you to give him a sign. Take care!