News Keeps Getting Worse :(

Hello LLiz, I am so sorry to hear your news, but very glad you found us. This is a great place to vent, to ask for advice or support, or just to touch base with others who have been in the same position you are right now.

It won't be long and others will come to welcome you. The main thing to do right now is just breathe and take it a day at a time. The place where you are right now is the hardest. All new, not much information and waiting! Ugghh, it is the pits!

I can't give you any right or wrong way to tell people, it is totally up to you, many here tell only a few, others, like me, told everyone. I think, because it was such a surprise to me, I just blabbed it out.

Try not to haul off and punch anyone! LOL You'll hear lots of nonsense from lots of people who just don't "get it" or simply don't know what to say. There are threads on these boards specifically for those comments.

I do wish you all the very best and will look forward to seeing you around the boards, ask anything, everyone is very helpful.

Take it easy, be kind to yourself, it is a lot to take in...M  

Hi Liz - Sorry you have joined the club no one wants to be in.  You made a great decision to join this network of very resourceful/supportive people and we are here 24/7. 

I was diagnosed over 3 years ago grade 3 and triple negative and my dr. said that I would need to be aggressive so I was.  You need to realize that the next year will be very different from your life now.  You will need to focus on your health.  Good people will step up to help you.  If you've helped others in the past just realize it may be your turn to take help.  If you don't,  you will rob others of the joy that they get in helping someone else. 

Your Doctors will start to put together a treatment plan specifically for you.  

As for insensitive people, you will get some bizarre comments and that's a reflection on them not you.  

Please make sure you take someone with you to your next few appointments as it helps to have an extra set of ears to pick up what you'll miss. 

Hi Liz! We also want to welcome you to this wonderful community, where you'll find lots of support and helpful information. In the main Breastcancer.org site there is a section for those newly diagnosed that you may find interesting. It is called Breast Cancer 101, designed to help you sort through all of the information on our site to find what is more relevant to you right now.

Besides this, in the article Breast Cancer and Your Job you'll find ways to manage the emotional, physical, and legal aspects of balancing your job and your treatment.

We hope this helps!

The Mods

Hi Liz!

I am sorry that you had to join the group, but there are many amazing women here that can help you along your journey.  Allow yourself time to grieve, be angry, be sad, be whatever you need to be so that you can move toward acceptance and start fighting this disease!  You will get there.

LIz, This is one of the toughest parts, initial dx and getting a  treatment plan in place. I had to go to work the day after dx and teach. It was actually the best thing I could have done to take my mind off of things. I went into auto-pilot and only focused on my job during those hours. Then I went home and cried, screamed, and set up all of my appts. I finished out the school year, taking time off as I needed to for appts. and starting chemo. 

Everyone deals with the telling others part differently. You don't have to tell anyone until you are ready. I shared with a select group at work so that I would know people had my back if I needed it (cover my class so I could take a doc phone call or prep materials when I was emotionally spent and needed to leave right at the end of the day). I also told my immediate family and gradually branched out to more distant relations. This is your story to tell, if and when you are ready to tell it. Do what makes you feel comfortable. 

Once you've got your plan in place, you will start to move toward being able to manage this. I won't say fully accepting it but at least being able to acknowledge it's part of your life now. Your life will be different for sure, but know that many/most women are able to work and maintain a sense of normalcy. I have had the summer off because of my job's regular schedule. During this time I've been doing weekly chemo and taking good care of myself. That said, I totally could have handled working, although some days may have been a bit more exhausting. I plan to go back to school in September and will work through the year as long as I'm able, again taking time for appts etc. Your life will also change in good ways. My friends and family have rallied and even strangers have shown kindness. I'm not triple neg. but my understanding is that while it can be aggressive, it also usually responds really well to chemo. Also, I think that once you've nailed it, and have been disease free for five years, your likelihood of return is less than the other types. Others can chime in. I may be wrong...

I know it sounds corny, but one day at a time really does apply here. Surround yourself with whomever and whatever will help you get through. I'll be thinking of you. Just 10 weeks ago, I was where you are and already I feel a whole lot better about my situation in that short amount of time. I wish I wasn't having to do this, but I'm confident I can - and I know you will too! Hugs!

Liz,

Like everyone else has said, I'm sorry you have to be here. As far as telling people, I told family and a few close friends. I knew the word would spread after that which was OK. Most people are wonderful even when they don't know what to say. I did resent feeling like I needed to comfort one friend who got very upset!

Regarding the Oncotype test that a couple of people above have mentioned, it is only given to ER+ patients. Also, it is given to Stage I and Stage II patients. I know you said you are grade 3, but do you know what stage you are yet? Stage and grade are definitely two different things.

I'm not going to try to minimize the fear and angst you are feeling right now, it is a real scary place be right now...just after dx. ((hugs)) I know this is hard and I'm glad you have support of your dh. This is a great place for info, venting, friendships....etc.

Welcome Liz! I'm in a similar boat - young (35 at diagnosis), Grade 3, Triple Neg. I am nearing the end of my treatment and it really has flown by. You might not believe it now, but when everyone says THIS is the hardest part, it is true! I remember thinking "how can this be harder than chemo and surgery??", but emotionally it truly is a lot harder when you are dealing with the initial shock and have no plan of what to do about it! Best wishes as you navigate this journey...I spent hours poring through the information on here and have learned so much in the last 7 months since I was diagnosed.

LLizz -- sorry you are here -- sounds like you will have a good support system both at home and at work.  I too found the period from diagnosis to finalization of treatment plan the hardest -- not the hardest physically, but the hardest mentally and emotionally.  I felt like I was holding my breath until the final tests were in and the final decisions made, if that makes sense.  

One day at a time and be good to yourself.

I'm not surprised by the high Ki-67 score you had. Aggressive breast cancers in young women (TN is known for having a high Ki-67) will usually score high in this area. It's just the unfortunate nature of the disease in our population. My Ki-67 was 76%. I hope you get the HER2 results soon so that you know what treatment plan they will recommend. 

Liz,

Sorry about your news. I was 44 at diagnosis of TNBC (46 now), one node positive. Ki67 of 70 percent. The first week/before knowing full pathology, before having doctors and treatment plan, were definitely the hardest mentally. Chemo was hard for me (it can really vary person to person), but taxol was easier than AC, and I trusted my oncologist...she managed my side effects well.

I was only able to work a few hours per week, from home only, during chemo. I have seen other women say they were able to work full time, which I cannot imagine. The chemo affected me physically and with cognition. (I have a very fast paced job.) anyway, I'm just saying see how it goes for you.

The good news is that often with TNBC, it responds better to chemo than other, less aggressive types because chemo targets fast-dividing cells. (For unknown reasons, some tnbc tumors do not respond as well.) My surgeon said that stage affects prognosis.

Best wishes and feel free to private message me or visit the "calling all tns" thread if you turn out to be TNBC.