MBC to bone and now her liver is swollen

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SallyBee12
SallyBee12 Member Posts: 8
edited August 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Hi there everyone.

I'm new to this and just desperately looking for some help.

My sister-in-law's mets are in the bone, spine, hips and legs.  We've had some hassle getting her pain management right but seem to have her as comfortable as possible.  She waxes and wanes.  Some days she really seems okay and is able to be in her wheel chair for a few hours and is quite social....and some days she's in bed all day and just not able to cope.  About 12 days ago she went for a check up and the doc said her liver was a bit swollen, and she's occasionally on oxygen as she has fluid in her lungs but cortisone seems to have helped that to a degree.  We're trying to take things one day at a time, but I noticed the last two days that her abdomen is really swollen.  As thin as she is, she looks pregnant.  She's not complaining about any pain at all and I've been reluctant to push her for information about how she's feeling in this regard as it makes her anxious.  I'm just wondering what the chances are that it's metastasized to her liver now?  If this is the case, can someone give me an idea of what to expect now?  She has two sons, 8 years old and 16 years old and actually I really want to try and prepare them as best I can as they are at home with her.  I guess what I'm asking is, can someone give me an idea of how long she might have?  I know this just sounds terrible, but I'm hoping that better prepared is better managed? 

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited July 2014

    Hello SallyBee and welcome to the discussion board. We're really sorry to hear about what your sister in law and all your family are going through. It sounds like you care for her alot and for her sons. There is plenty of support and kindness available here though it may not be possible for anyone to really know what the future holds for your SIL.

    Wishing you and your family kind thoughts.

    The mods

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited July 2014

    Hi Sallybee and welcome to BCO.  So sorry your SIL  ig going through all this along with you and her family.

    The swelling of her abdomen would seem to me that she has a build up of fluid there (edema) and I would suggest that she see her doc as this will need to be looked at and possibly drained to give her a bit more comfort.

    You ask the question that we all ask, and that is 'how long'.   It's really hard to give you an answer as no one really knows.......it really depends on a lot of factors and her doc and her would be the ones in the know.  Should the cancer have spread to her liver it is possible to treat it but that also depends on her overall health right now and maybe her doc feels she is too fragile to put her through a tough treatment.  It is also possible that your SIL has said no more treatment for her.

    Being someone close but still on the outside it's very difficult.  I know you just want to encourage and help as much as possible but getting answers to questions can be really frustrating unless you can get full truthful answers from the sufferer.

    Can you say where you live and where your SIL is getting her treatment?  I ask as some places have different ideas on treatment than others and I find from your description of your SIL's fragile state I am wondering if her cancer is far more extensive than you know.  Talk to her boys if that is what your SIL wants in order to prepare them for the loss of their mother but please do check that it is okay with their mum before you do.

    I'm so sorry I couldn't be of more help.

    Love n hugs.   Chrissy

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  • SallyBee12
    SallyBee12 Member Posts: 8
    edited July 2014

    Hi Chrissy,

    Thanks for your response.  We are in Africa, so I think our treatments are not quite as advanced.  My SIL is also a state patient and lives over 3 and a half hours away from her oncology centre.  She's been on Xeloda for the last two years.  She just recently went to hospice and we have now been twice to the hospice GP, it was the GP who told us that her liver was swollen.  My SIL seems to think that she will be driving to the oncology center in a week and a half's time, I just can't see that happening!  She is not strong enough to handle the stress of the long drive, and then the long waits in the waiting rooms at the oncology center.  I too, suspect that her cancer is more extensive than we know.  My SIL has been very secretive about all stages of her cancer.  In the beginning, she gave us details, and even went so far as telling us when the cancer had metastasized, but I had a look at the results of her lung X-ray the other day and there is mention in there of bi-lateral metastatic lung cancer.  Although I don't think it's been definitively diagnosed.  

    Hospice has been talking to her about talking to her boys, but she's scared and withdrawn on this subject.

    I guess we just ride this awful wave and take each day as it comes.  Try to be there for the boys as and when it happens.  I think it's natural to really want to know so that we can say our good-byes properly and try to help her to go peacefully and with love.  But I realise that this is not how it works.....it's all so sad!

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited July 2014

    Sallybee if your SIL is in hospice and I think the rules for hospice are fairly well universal, and that would mean six months or less for her.  It does indeed look like her cancer is wide spread as hospice is not suggested until treatment is no longer working or there are no more to try.

    Yes, this disease teaches us all to take life a day at a time and make the most of those days.  I have a feeling that her boys are aware of whats happening to their mum even if she is secretive.......children are not blind nor are they silly and I'm sure also that the elder boy has spoken with his little brother.  Saying your good-byes need to be done as gently as possible soon as I think you'll find that your SIL's days are fast running out.  What happens after will also need to be taken a day at a time at least for a while.

    Keep coming here to let go of your frustration at what is happening as we are always willing to listen.

    Love n hugs.   Chrissy

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  • SallyBee12
    SallyBee12 Member Posts: 8
    edited August 2014

    My SIL passed away on Friday the 1st of August.  Thank you for your words of encouragement, and for your honesty.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited August 2014

    SallyBee, we're really sorry to hear that... Our sincerest condolences to you and all the family on the loss of your sister in law.

    The Mods

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  • chrissyb
    chrissyb Member Posts: 16,818
    edited August 2014

    Sally, I'm so sorry that that your SIL has passed.......my condolences.  She is now at peace and pain free and past all the problems of this world.

    Feel free to share your grief if you wish but know we are always here for you if you want.

    Love n hugs.   Chrissy

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