Her2/neu Positive and 9 years NED

Hello to all my her2 "sisters!"  It has been a long time since I visited BCO and I remember when I couldn't stay away.  I remember back when I was so very scared.  The initial diagnosis...(June 2005) - Mastectomy number 1 (July 2005) - chemo begins (August 2005) - Herceptin starts (Oct. 2005) - Chemo ends (Nov. 2005) - Radiation begins (Dec. 2005) - Radiation ends (Feb. 2006) - Prophylactic mastectomy other breast (March 2006) - Herceptin ends - (October 2006) - Delayed Bilateral DIEP - (June 2008).  Ey yi yi - FEAR?......will it ever end?......will I ever be "normal" again?.......will it come back?.......will I ever not think of cancer?........will I ever trust my body again?..........and on and on and on with the questions and fears. 

Now......today.......July 23, 2014......It will be 9 years since my first mastectomy on July 28, 2014.  Here are the answers to my questions above.....Fear?  - Yes, I had much fear.  It took time but the fear leaves as you one day realize God gave you today to live.  I decided to live in the "today."  I didn't know my tomorrow any more than anyone else did and I surely didn't want to waste "today" on worrying about tomorrow.  It took a few years to get to that place, but I did.  WILL IT EVER END?  Oh how I remember those feelings of everyday being something with cancer....whether it was chemo - radiation - side effects - appointments - whatever, you live it day in and day out and wonder if it will ever end.  It does for some of us and in all honesty those days are a vague memory for me.  The positives that I took away are what is with me still today.  WILL I EVER BE 'NORMAL' AGAIN?  - My answer in a nut shell.....oh Lord, I hope I never return to the "normal" before cancer.  I have learned so much....God has taught me so much.  He has taught me the truly important things in life.  I can honestly say that breast cancer was a blessing in my life.  That very, very, very tough trial.......helped me get to that place I needed to be.  WILL IT COME BACK?  I think I thought about recurrence the most in the first 3 years.  It was a tough time for me.  Each ache and pain scared me into thinking "what if."  I never was that kind of person before breast cancer.  I was healthy and never sick.  I trusted my body completely.  Breast cancer showed me that yes, it can happen to you.  So recurrence seemed very real to me and I use to think....'well it happened to you once....why not again?'  I'm over that thinking now and realize that yes, I may get cancer again....but I also may get a lot of things.  No one gets out of this life alive (as it were) - so worrying about recurrence I left by the roadside.  :-)  WILL I EVER NOT THINK OF CANCER?  Well, I think about it.....how can you not.  It seems everyone has it.  But I don't think about it for me personally anymore.  I know it's always a possibility but I'd rather spend my energy trying to encourage and help others and let that go.  WILL I EVER TRUST MY BODY AGAIN?  - It took a while but I do.  I try to take care of myself but realize that I really have no control over my body.  I couldn't control the first breast cancer and can't control whatever else will happen.  One day at a time. 

I was diagnosed at 45 with stage 2B her2/neu positive breast cancer.   I now am 54....have 4 grandkids and feel incredibly blessed and changed.  All because of breast cancer.

I pray I encouraged and helped someone here.