Freaking out on the Inside

Hi fightlikeagirl, welcome to BCO. We're glad you found the boards as this is a place where you can vent your emotions and will supported not judged. Its totally understandable that you feel scared and just want normality back. The ladies here will be able to understand what you are going through and offer support and kindness.

Sending gentle hugs and wishes of wellbeing to you.

The mods

Haha...stubborn German. That's me.  I laugh when I hear British are stoic--I think we have them beat, eh?  In my family, we like to say that our ancestors must have squat down in the field to give birth, then just picked them up and kept working. When I went in for childbirth, I'd had no epidural but I did have a monitor across my belly. I was lying on my side with my eyes closed and the nurse said "You're having a huge contraction, don't you feel that"?  I remember thinking "Are you crazy, of COURSE I feel it"!  But I don't say or do anything, I just bide my time because "this too shall pass."  And my poor daughter, I raised her alone so I'm always telling her to "just deal with it" (whatever "it" is).  Fortunately she got a lot of Italian from her other side, so she's still in touch with her emotions.

Don't worry about coming here to vent.  No one judges and you can rant anytime you want. But-do try to hear this-do NOT feel you are supposed to be taking care of others. 

I was pretty alone in my fight, plus I had a daughter to raise by myself. Even though she was in Jr High, she never really understood the situation well (and I'm glad about that). But I sure could have used some help with cooking or housework or visits.  So try to accept all the help anyone is willing to give.  There will be times you need it, and other times when you just appreciate it. I understand your feelings.  You're a caretaker; many of us are (we're women, for goodness sakes!). But let them take care of you for awhile, and know that they'll probably never "get" most of what you're going through. They'll tell you about their co-worker's situation, and ask why you're not taking the same medication as their sister. They won't understand when you behave as if a hug hurts (cuz you just had surgery), or why there are lingering thoughts down the road.  But you can always come here.

Best luck eradicating this nuisance.

I just found yesterday too that I have invasive dc on right side and waiting on biopsy on left and feel just like you do. So scared/mad/crazy. Hang in there and get the info from the breast surgeon. TG for these websites!!

Fightlikeagirl, 

It won't let me private message any more. Yes I am on Facebook. 

as one stubborn german to another, you will make it.

Suggestions, take a recorder with you to your appts, even with your hubs, it can help to remind you of what was said.

ASK  ASK all the questions of the docs you want and if they are crankie and not open, fine a new one!

When a pal says how can we help, give em a job!  do not try to do all. That means your family !

you will make it through, yes you will and always feel free to come on here and ask for information, now go get  something nice for your self, dinner or a facial!

You can't take care of every one else, you have to focus on getting better so you can be there for them all for a long time to come..don't be afraid to accept help and comfort either. If you don't let others help you, you are not letting them accumulate good deeds in the big book at the gates of heaven. …; )

I am off tomorrow to hear more about my diagnosis than, yep you have cancer come in and we will talk about it. I am trying to be positive but I am so scared of what they might say.