Embarrassing Moment Today

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I was in work today and my computer was acting up.  I called for the IT person to come

and take a look at it. She's also a very good friend.

I was leaning on my arms on my desk, not realizing that my shirt scoops down.

I saw her eyes lookover briefly, and I quickly realized she saw my mastectomy scar.

I wear a prosthesis which is a little large.  Gravity pulls it down and I think exposed it.

I quickly stood up, but I know it was too late.

Nobody has seen that scar  I'm just soo embarrassed it happened and upset with myself.

Should I apologize or just pretend it didn't happen?  Very awkward feeling...


 

Comments

  • SaturnRing
    SaturnRing Member Posts: 36
    edited July 2014

    I don't think there is anything for you to apologize. I would leave it be and probably behave as though nothing happened. Or if I can sense that the other person is uncomfortable, I would confirm what they saw was indeed mastectomy scar and leave it at that.

     

  • glennie19
    glennie19 Member Posts: 6,398
    edited July 2014


    I don't see any reason to apologize.  I also think you should just leave it be.

  • TB90
    TB90 Member Posts: 992
    edited July 2014

    tinkers2:  You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about or to apologize for.  Your chest with a scar is not hideous or frightful.  People have scars on their faces and cannot hide them.  Nor should they.  Your body is your new normal and represents a healthy you.  Be proud of it and what you have overcome.  A symbol of what you can do for yourself and your loved ones.  You are beautiful and never feel like you are any less.  And she is a good friend. 

    Last weekend I had a girls' weekend at the lake and after swimming off the dock, I removed my bathing suit top to show them my scar.  They were curious (naturally) and took my acceptance of my new self to determine that I was changed, but still beautiful.  No shocked looks on their faces . . . just love and sheer appreciation for the strength of women.  I hope that I have laid the path for others to hopefully have an easier time should they ever have to deal with this personally.  I hope they never have to. 

    My advise.  Next time someone takes a peek (and this is totally normal), just smile back at them with the pride you should feel about what you successfully overcame.  Be kind to yourself.  ((((hugs))))       

  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 6,197
    edited July 2014

    Tinkers2 I had exactly the same thing happen to me at the supermarket when I first started wearing my silicone prosthesis. I was leaning over putting my food on the belt. I was wearing a button front shirt which came away from my body, the weight of the form pulled the bra away and I looked up to see the checkout girl looking at me, she gave a slight gasp as she looked away. I looked down as "The Fall Forward"  happened. LOL You could see my scar and a gap pretty well all the way through to my waist. I came home and tossed all my low neck tops and decided from then on, I would always wear a cami under a button through shirt!

    I have searched and researched, and have found clothing that prevents that from happening. I have had small foob malfunctions, since then, but it is getting better!

    Hi TB! so good to see you! I have no problem showing my scar either. How funny it is, I would never have flashed my chest before this, but now I have no problem, if someone is genuinely interested in the scar, I would never show my remaining side! LOL I even have pictures of my surgical journey and Dog Ear revision, on the internet for others considering that surgery. I do understand where you are coming from, about the strength that comes, from accepting your new normal. I am so glad you've had such positive reactions from your friends.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2014

    Yup, that "fall forward" is exactly the part that no one understands unless you're the one with the prosthesis. When I lament the wearing of "real" tops, people think I'm saying I can't wear "low cut" tops.  Oh no, girls...I mean I can't wear any of the things that YOU wear.  I'm not talking halter tops.  I'm saying I'm confined to T-shirt heights.  And camis are fine until it's the heat of summer and you're in two layers AND a big silicone blob.  But-it is what it is.  We have a new normal.

  • GeorgiaRai
    GeorgiaRai Member Posts: 175
    edited July 2014

    Hopefully it helps you feel better, tinkers2, that so many of us have had the same thing happen! It's definitely a "live and learn" kind of lesson.  I got a tattoo between my port & MX scars, so it distracts people if/when that area is (intentionally or not!) exposed. 

    I agree with others that you have nothing to apologize or feel badly about, but if it were me, I'd want to say something to put my friends/co-workers at ease.  Like "Sorry I flashed you yesterday - I'm still learning how to handle these things!" But that's just my personality; I'd rather put things out in the open than worry than someone feels pity or guilt.  

    I've found bras that stay put, and wear camis as "insurance" against the dreaded Fall-Forward, and you'll find what works for you, too.  In the meantime, I'm sorry you had an awkward moment.    

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2014

    I used to work with a woman who had her wig fly off at work once too.  She was working outside on a windy day and whoosh...there it went.  She never had much of a problem with her wig, she'd pull it off in the office.  She had a great attitude.  I mean, do MEN wear wigs if they have chemo?  OK, well maybe Brett Michaels (that's the name, right?  that musician who had long straight blonde hair and always wore a bandana?), but not those who aren't in the public eye/entertainment.  It's quite sad that women aren't considered "presentable" without make-up, shaved legs, perfect breasts, and acceptable hair.  I think we're turning a corner, but it's still a sad statement.  We are what we are and we're all beautiful. I got stopped going through airport security a few months ago.  Full body scan.  TSA agent said "I need to pat you down...(then glanced up at the machine that must have "lit up" near the prosthesis")...right HERE."  She actually pointed a bit lower on that side.  I explained that I wear a prosthesis.  She just patted me and I walked away. With all the hubbub about being mistreated at airlines and by TSA agents for so many reasons lately--I guess I got a good one. Because, as I picked up my stuff, she turned back to me and said "Are you a breast cancer survivor"?  I said yes. She said "Well that's great."  It was very nice of her to go out of her way. 

    I also just got a lung CT and I have a copy of it (to take to a pulmonologist).  So of course I popped it in my computer (and can't tell one thing from another of course). But, as I move through the slices I can watch my ONE breast grow and the other one never appears.  It's very odd. 

  • tinkers2
    tinkers2 Member Posts: 35
    edited July 2014

    Well... I saw her Friday and she said nothing and I said nothing... so it's like it never happened.

    Thanks for everyone's advice.  Still an awkward moment though...

    And Ariom... I bought 2 cami's over the weekendHappy

  • birdlady222
    birdlady222 Member Posts: 276
    edited July 2014

    image

    I love this.  A dear friend sent it to me.

    Mods, if this is not acceptable please delete it.

    Birdlady

  • glennie19
    glennie19 Member Posts: 6,398
    edited July 2014
  • Ariom
    Ariom Member Posts: 6,197
    edited July 2014

    Hi Tinkers2, I hope you love the Camis. Just be sure to adjust the straps to make it sit flat and high on the chest.

    I love that pic and the sentiment too, Birdlady!

  • birdlady222
    birdlady222 Member Posts: 276
    edited July 2014


    Tinkers2, I'm glad it turned out the way it did, as if it never happened.  Camis are a great solution, and they are comfortable. 

    I'm glad you liked the picture.  I have many scars, some that can't be hidden, so this was a great message to me.  I am strong!

    Whatnow...so many good points!  Thank you!

    Wishing you love and comfort today,

    Birdlady

  • PT6
    PT6 Member Posts: 76
    edited August 2014

    I think a listing of other embarrassing moments would be interesting. I am BRCA2+ And was diagnosed with breast.CA when I was 29. I am a physical therapist and very active. I hate surgery and needles and decided against reconstruction. I returned to work with a prosthesis. As part of my adjustment to the situation I refused to use a mastectomy bra with a pocket so the prosthesis was sitting free in a regular bra. I was demonstrating a treatment technique to a new staff member who was also in his 20s and rather handsome. I leaned forward and to my horror felt the prosthesis slip. It landed in it's edge on the mat and started rolling - across the mat off the edge then continued rolling when it hit the floor. I was in hot pursuit. I grabbed the prosthesis and ran out the door to the nearest bathroom and replaced the prosthesis in my bra. To say the least, I always wear a bra with pocket now. I returned to what I was doing without saying a word. I have always wondered who witnessed this episode as the gym was busy though no one ever mentioned a thing. 

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