Conflict

Why do discussions become very heated arguments? James gives us a very simple, short answer. It is because of selfishness. Whether it comes out in a desire to win an argument, whether it comes out in feelings of being hurt because you feel discounted, or whether it comes out through getting your way all the time, the root cause is indeed selfishness.

There are several styles of conflict:

*There's conflict exclusion. This happens when one person is very dominant and one person is very submissive. Therefore, conflict is excluded because there is no negotiation.


*There's the conflict aggressor. This occurs between two people who are equally powerful, and they just go at it head to head . Nothing ever gets resolved that way.

*There's conflict avoiders. These people hate conflict and will do anything to get around it. They never really talk or resolve anything.

*There's conflict resolvers. These people talk things out, make compro-mises and ultimately resolve their issues.

All of us think we are conflict resolvers, but most of us are not because we have lost control of our emotions. We need to cool down and develop rules for fighting fairly



When someone has hurt your feelings or made you angry phrasing your words carefully. When you are in a discussion approach it this way: "When you say or do......, it makes me feel ........because.........



1. Submit to God. Surrender to him and tell him that you are tired of doing things your way. Tell him you are tired of being on the throne of your life and that you want to enthrone him. You might say, "I can't help this. It's just the way I am. I was born this way." Well, as Christians we are new-born and we don't have to be that way.

2. Ask God's forgiveness.

3. Ask the forgiveness of those whom you have hurt through your selfish-ness and ask God to help you forgive the ones that have hurt you.

4. Humble yourself. . The healthy thing to do is to grieve now before these ripple effects take place in our lives.

5. Resist the temptation. . Ask yourself if this is going to get in the way of your relationship with God or draw you further away. When you get into a fight, ask yourself if it is worth really fighting over and worth winning? Even if I am right, is it worth being right?

6. Draw near to God. You might think that you don't have the strength to live an unselfish life. That's why James says draw near to God. We can't live out the Christian life in our own power. We need to draw near to God and feed ourselves spiritually. Feed yourself on a daily basis.

Conflict is like a fungus in our lives. How do you drive away fungus? You find light. Draw close to the light, and the fungus disappears.

Let's pray.


James 4:5 God truly cares about the Spirit he has put in
us.


Hugs,
Carrie