I needed one of you to roll my eyes at...

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Greetings!  One of you (or all of you!) would understand this...I was recently at a family gathering where a family member had had DNA testing to find out his ethnic heritage.  He's very interested in history and wanted to discover exactly what percentage of German, Irish, etc. he is, and was going over the printed information with the group.  That's fine--but I'm having my BRCA 1 & 2 screening in a few days and kept thinking that the genetic information I require is connected to my own mortality and whether I have passed any deleterious genes to my child.  

Though this is not an emotional crisis, I wish I had had someone in the room to exchange meaningful glances with, someone who would have understood what it means to truly *need* to know what your background is.  It felt sort of like when after my overnight labor and natural childbirth, my husband remarked that he was very tired.  Oh, really?!  In this situation, oh, you're curious about your genetic makeup?  I need to know about mine, too.  Remember that cancer diagnosis, and the treatment, and the worry?  Yeah, that.

Thanks for letting me vent!

Comments

  • Solen
    Solen Member Posts: 146
    edited July 2014


    LOL!!!!!  I will rool my eyes for you!!!!  I wonder if "foot in mouth disease" would show up on a genetic test??????   HUMMM....THAT seems to run in my husband's family!!!My mother in law told me how hard/stressful  it was to have a child with cancer.  Poor her.  Yea, I reminded her that my own mother was dead.  From breast cancer, thank you.  And I have the BRCA gene, so I can relate to how you are feeling..

    Vent away!!!  I totally understand!

  • Solen
    Solen Member Posts: 146
    edited July 2014

    Roll, not rool.........really where is autocorrect when you actually need it?

  • Solen
    Solen Member Posts: 146
    edited July 2014


    Oh, and just to put your mind at ease, my mother's breast cancer was not genetic, weirdly enough.  Her cancer  was aggressive, mine was not (multiple times I had low grade DCIS)

  • bethq
    bethq Member Posts: 311
    edited July 2014

    Rolling eyes with you. Have been in many similar situations where people don't know what's going on with me and say really insensitive things....well can't even call it insensitive if they don't know what's going on. Am I correct in guessing this gentleman was very young? Seems to be a trendy thing amongst the 20 somethings right now.

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited July 2014

    You are ALWAYS welcome to vent here. We all have days when things roll off our shoulders and things when they don't. 

    But I am also fascinated with genealogy and DNA, and I cannot imagine this person meant to make light of your testing by sharing his own.  At least I hope not.

    My own genealogy DNA tests included the fact that I supposedly do not carry the BRCA gene, so I consider that a worthwhile thing to share. But of course it's important that we all remember to treat this type of info as not scientifically proven, and more for entertainment than actual health advice.  In fact, "23andme" is not even allowed to offer the health stuff anymore because it's not proven so the FDA pulled the plug (but they're still compiling info).  Some of the testing seems little more than comparing members genes with other members who self report certain conditions.  But , as long as we understand all that, it's still interesting.  And might be helpful. 

    In addition to the BRCA gene info, I also have 2 copies of a gene that gives me a vastly increased risk of developing Alzheimer's.  And I show only one of a very long list of variants which I could pass on as a birth defect.

    For what it's worth, the heritage reports have a lot of guesswork too.  But it's still awfully interesting. I found the tiny bit of native American proof I was hoping for, some cousins of different races, actually cyber-met people who were DEFINITELY my second cousins but whom I never knew, tried to help figure out the real parents of a couple of adopted adults who are distant relatives, etc. So, I hope you understand this person was just living their life and sharing information that can be fun, just like vacation pictures. I'm sure they did not mean to imply that the results of their genealogy in any way compared to your cell research regarding your cancer. Well, I don't know them, maybe they are that shallow, but I surely hope not.

    I hope your week gets/got better!  

  • 208sandy
    208sandy Member Posts: 2,610
    edited July 2014

    Rolling my eyes with you - how self-absorbed is society getting - it took me forty years to get the "health" report on my adoption out of the Quebec government after numerous requests and that's how I found out my birth mother died of BC (at the age of 40) - I was on my way out the door to get my second chemo infusion when the call came - really?!

    I guess I see DNA testing as necessary for crime and for disease but as a "game" - no.

  • Solen
    Solen Member Posts: 146
    edited July 2014

    208sandy, wow, soo sorry about your birth mother and that you find yourself here.  I have the BRCA gene, so actually am grateful my son is adopted.  He knows his birth mother, but she is adopted as well, so there isn't much genetic history for him (or her)

    Hope you are doing ok.

  • CeciliaVera
    CeciliaVera Member Posts: 59
    edited July 2014

    Hi all--Thanks for the replies.  I knew you would understand where I was coming from.

    Sure, I know the genetics/ethnicity person didn't mean any harm, and he is certainly entitled to learning about his history!  It was just a "wow, must be nice" sort of moment, seeing someone having genetic testing for purely recreational purposes instead of for the reasons we on BCO have it (for those of us who have insurance to cover it and/or can afford it, that is--not a given for all who post here).

    Good health to us all!

  • StacyBrian
    StacyBrian Member Posts: 22
    edited July 2014

    I've sent everyone I can on a reading quest about the "kvetching circle."  The basic rule?  You can say anything you want to anyone you want, AS LONG AS THAT PERSON IS IN A CIRCLE FURTHER AWAY FROM THE DX/ILLNESS THAN YOU ARE!  Basically, the person with the DX can say whatever to whomever, whenever they want.  My best friend can, too, but only to people who are less connected to this illness than I am.  I've lost some friends.  We all have - out of their fear, our fear, their comfort level - all kinds of reasons.  Maybe their experience with me will help them a little the next time it happens to someone they know.  That's what I hope for.  I still had to distance them to keep my balance as best I can ;-).  Thanks for sharing.  And no, I didn't drive to my friend's house and punch her in the face when she posted "are you leaving feeling a bit lopsided" the day I came home from my full right mastectomy.  That was four days ago...

  • lintrollerderby
    lintrollerderby Member Posts: 483
    edited July 2014

    As someone with TNBC, who is BRCA1+ (and I have confirmed that I passed my mutation to my daughter, who had a PBMX three months ago at age 20), and I am an avid (rabid would be a better word) genealogist, this subject caught my attention. But, I'm wondering because I can't tell from reading your post, if he said anything to you that was insensitive or if you were just bothered that he was doing genetic testing for recreational purposes. If you mentioned to him that you had upcoming genetic testing to determine risk, and he broke out his ancestry DNA results, that would be very insensitive of him. However, if he had no clue that you had BRCA testing coming up and talked about his ancestry DNA at a family reunion or gathering (which is where many genealogists share this info), then I don't see the problem. I can't tell from your post which situation is what happened. If it's the former, you have good reason to be annoyed; however, if it's the latter, then I think it would be unfair to even mentally chide him because he would have been completely unaware that it was a sensitive topic. 

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