Dealing w/people who found out, but u didn't share ur story with

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Swimmom2
Swimmom2 Member Posts: 169
edited July 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

sorry for the long subject title. 

I have shared my story and situation with close friends and the parents of my children's friends. People speak, I get that and for the most part I've made peace with it. The part I struggle with is when I am in a social situation and someone I haven't discussed my surgery with comes up to me and says "how are yoooouuu" long emphasis on you and usually accompanied by an arm rub? 

I'm always taken aback, caught off guard, deer in the headlights, not knowing what to say. I usually muster it in me to say a short "fine or great" but somehow my cage is always rattled. I know 9 out of 10 people are coming from a good place so I don't want to start something however I need to find a way to make peace with this within myself. Any suggestions? 

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  • Sunshineinky
    Sunshineinky Member Posts: 461
    edited July 2014

    I've got that too and the way I deal with it is by saying, "I'm fantastic, how are you?" 

    That stops them talking about me and returns the conversation to them.  

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  • RainDew
    RainDew Member Posts: 305
    edited July 2014

    I agree that most are coming from a good intention, but honestly I find this downright rude...and it seems to happen a lot.

    I agree w Sunshine. Emergency topic change - focus on them. Ask lots of questions. Most folks will get it.

    The other alternative of course is 'I have cancer. How do you think I am??' Suspect that would shut them up too... 

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  • momand2kids
    momand2kids Member Posts: 1,508
    edited July 2014

    this did not happen too often to me but when it did, I would say "great" how are you?  and if they went near the "c" thing, I would say "I am completely cured"..... that pretty much ended it (and because I believe that, it was very easy to say).....

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  • muska
    muska Member Posts: 1,195
    edited July 2014

    I am not very bothered by such questions and usually give a straightforward and honest answer, something like "I feel perfectly fine but knowbody knows what the future will bring. BTW, how is your <diabetes, wife/husband's asthma, mother/father's Alzeimer...>"

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  • Mardibra
    Mardibra Member Posts: 1,111
    edited July 2014

    i agree....turn the conversation around so its all about them.  Throws them off and makes them stop asking questions.

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  • Swimmom2
    Swimmom2 Member Posts: 169
    edited July 2014

    thanks everyone- like I said I know most people are being kind and not nosy, however I feel like its a line crossed.  If I bring it up, it's fair game - if you bring it up, it's not. I knew you ladies would understand. Thanks for letting me vent. 

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