So glad I found this site - sister w/ bone mets

jello3
jello3 Member Posts: 1
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
My sister had stage 3 BC 4yrs ago - chemo, rad, mastec, the works and has been clear for 3 yrs. This year was found to have extensive bone mets. She has been enduring terrible pain - the worst is the lymphedema in her arm.

I am just devestated by this - she is my best friend. I have been taking her children for her once a week (I also have small children of my own) and call every few days to check in. We are putting our house up for sale to move into her neighborhood so we can help as much as possible.

She is not doing well - so thin - so sick. It scares the crap outta me. Its a tough balance of being optimistic and realistic at the same time. I just can't give up the hope that she will go into remission at some point. I know she won't live forever, but....

I feel so helpless. I don't want to say or do the wrong things. She used to be such a vivacious, outgoing person and now she never leaves the house or talks to people. She cries a lot. She takes a lot of pain meds.

There are so many things I would love to go into, but since this is my first post, I just wanted to give an intoduction. Hoping to find friends and support here. Thanks for "listening".
Lynn
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Comments

  • csp
    csp Member Posts: 2,765
    edited August 2006
    Dearest Lynn,
    I am glad you found this site too, but so sorry you have to be here. Please feel free to vent, cry, celebrate
    whatever you need you are among friends here, that understand your feelings.

    Where there is life there is hope always. her pain management needs to be better managed if she is in pain
    then that is zapping everything out of her, call her DR.
    and make them aware of how much pain she is induring, if they do not respond, THROW A FIT!

    I am looking forward to getting to know you better
    please come back as much as you need .

    hugs for you and your sister,
    Carrie
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  • KariLynn
    KariLynn Member Posts: 1,079
    edited August 2006
    Hi Lynn,

    Sorry you have to be here but hope you find the support you need. I am the sister with bone mets (but am not in the pain your sister is in.) I know how hard this is for you - my sister jokes that I got cancer and she gained weight and got high blood pressure!

    It's fabulous that you take her kids some time and give her time to herself (even if just to wallow!) Just keep being there - you don't have to do anything big to make a huge difference. Just let her know you love her.

    I'm with Carrie on throwing a fit until they get her pain under control - there's no need to suffer in silence with all of the drugs out there!

    Take care,
    Kari
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  • cowgirl
    cowgirl Member Posts: 777
    edited August 2006
    I honestly think that your sister will love any words you say to her. She is your sister, she knows her dx, and she knows you love her. Just do your best, enjoy her and pray. That is all God asks, and I am sure she would be happy with that!

    Oh and Vent here as much as you need to!
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  • pumpkin05
    pumpkin05 Member Posts: 28
    edited August 2006
    Quote:

    Please feel free to vent, cry, celebrate
    whatever you need you are among friends here, that understand your feelings.



    What she said is absolutely true. I came here a few weeks ago when I found out my mom had BC and it's really nice to know that there are people out there who truly understand the things you're going through.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your sister and all her pain...no one should have to go through this. Hang in there, and you and your sister will be in my prayers.
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  • BJAlexandria
    BJAlexandria Member Posts: 96
    edited August 2006

    Do NOT give up hope, girl. You're doing the best you can do for your sister. How thoughtful of you to take her children and do what you can. I know how it tears you up to see her with this illness. Just be her best friend, as it seems you are. (((hugs)))

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  • SNOWYNOC
    SNOWYNOC Member Posts: 6
    edited August 2006
    I just wanted to let you know that my sister also has metastatic breast cancer to the bone. She is stage IV. Not a day goes by that I don't get tears in my eye and want to scream and yell, WHY. But there is no answer to that. I go to everything with my sister. I worry about her. Today we had a bone marrow biopsy. She did so well. I can see how scared she is in her face. It just rips me apart. I think I also feel quilt. Why did this happen to her and not me? Her husband is not very good with this. I also think he is in denial. No matter what we will get thru this together. I wish you and your sister the best. Just be there for her even when she says she dosn't need anyone. and also remember one day at a time. OH, Trust me when I have had to get answers to thing and things done at the doctors I let my self be known!!!!!!! I have to, she is my sister and I love her. Please if you need anything let me know. I know just what you are going through.
    Love and prayers
    tami
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  • LuAnnH
    LuAnnH Member Posts: 8,847
    edited August 2006
    I agree with Kari, I also have bone mets. The pain can be rough and just wears you out. I would be making sure her doc is prescribing adequate pain meds. When pain is under control you can do so much more. Do you go with her to the doctor. I don't have a sister or any family near me but have a dear friend that wouldn't miss an appointment with me no matter what it is for. If I forget a question she asks, if I don't express myself well she surely steps in and makes sure the doc is aware of everything going on. Even though it is not necessary for her to go with me it sure is nice to know she is there and stepping through this process hand in hand with me.

    LuAnn
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