Being a mom and getting thru BC tx

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tangandchris
tangandchris Member Posts: 1,855
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Not sure if this is the right place to post about this, but I thought I'd try.

I'm at the end of my chemo journey and about to start radiation and from there to hormone blockers. I'm exhausted!! I am lucky to have had alot of help with my youngest that is almost 5. There are times that I feel guilty for not being the mom that she needs me to be and the fact that she knows way more about my cancer than a little girl should know. I kept her with me this afternoon and into tomorrow because I was feeling "okay", but I'm almost regretting it now. lol, then of course comes the guilt.

IDK, I'm probably making a mountain out of a mole hill. I'm just wondering how any of ya'll have juggled all of this. There is no manual on how to be a parent, and there sure as hell isn't one on how to parent and get thru cancer.

 

((hugs))

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  • Basia
    Basia Member Posts: 790
    edited June 2014

    Hi sweetie, please don't beat yourself up over this.  The fact that you are worried shows me you are a great mom.  There are healthy moms out there that couldn't care less about how their children are growing up. Here you are, fighting for your life and your concern is your little ones.  Trust me, in time you will regain your energy and you will make up for "lost" time with her.   My girls were 3 when I was originally dx.  I felt so guilty for being tired and irritable all the time.  But once treatment was over, I realized they really did not miss out on much during that time.  I tried my best and I realized my half assed best was still better than others 100%.  Your daughter is going to get thru this with you, children are resilient.  Now with my recurrence, my girls are 7 and I was so worried about them, but I spoke to them in language they understand and they got it. They understand this summer is going to suck, but I will try my best to be there with them and do the best I can.  They get it.  They actually explained all this to one of their friends and the friend told her mom, that's how I know about the conversation.  They explained to their friend that what matters most is that I will be healthy soon.  

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  • TifJ
    TifJ Member Posts: 1,568
    edited June 2014


    Don't feel guilty. I know it's hard not to always put our children first, but in this case YOU come first. You can't be any real help to them unless you are feeling well and rested. My youngest was 5 when I was diagnosed, she is now almost 9 and remembers almost nothing about my treatment time. I would have my kids come and lay on my bed with me when I was just too tired to do anything else and either talk with them about their day or just watch TV. The closeness was what mattered.

    Just do what you can when you can. Don't wear yourself out trying to please them. They may not understand now, but in time they won't remember near as much as you do. Take care and I hope rads treat you well.

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  • mdg
    mdg Member Posts: 3,571
    edited June 2014


    I understand! My son was 4 when I was diagnosed.  I tried to focus on the things I COULD do with him. I even played video games during my recovery from a BMX!  I did low key things....movies, coloring, crafts, reading, etc....  I even did silly things like picnics on the kitchen floor and letting him drink lemonade out of "fancy glasses" (wine glasses).  He loved that stuff.  It definitely was hard when he had a meltdown.  At times I simply excused myself and let my husband deal with it.  It was the best I could do at the time.  My son is now going to be 8 this summer.  He is great....all is normal.  Best of luck!  Hang in there!!

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